It's been two days since the Man in the Black Hat left the island , and despite his mysterious warning, the
Castaways are still in a bored, gray, funk.
Gourrigan: I thought it was blue.
MiBH: Talk to the mule.
Gourrigan: Mule?
Just then, a mule in a smoking jacket walks on camera.
Mule: Shaddup.
Gourrigan: Ahh! A talking mule!
Mule: Shaddup shaddinup!
With that, the mule walks off toward the jungle, shimmering out of existance.
Gourrigan: Jackass.
Gourrigan looks back at the village. It's still early, so no one else is up yet. Unless you count the sounds
coming from Zangulus and Martina's hut. (I for one, don't)
Gourrigan: Why not?
MiBH: It's too early, even for them.
Gourrigan: Oh. Say, if you're not here, how can I talk to you?
MiBH: oops! Or should I say 'Oopai!' ? (Dissappears.)
Gourrigan: Weird.
By this time, Firia, another early riser, has walked out of the girls' hut, and is yawning loudly. She stares
out at the ocean clandestinely.
Gourrigan: What's up, Firia?
Firia: I think I just spotted a raft headed this way.
Gourrigan: Hey, maybe it's that guy that'll answer all of our questions!
Firia: And that excites you?
Gourrigan: Yeah! With his help, maybe I can understand Lina's magic lessons so she'll stop pounding me!
Firia: Get real.
By now, the sun has risen high into the sky, and the rest of the islanders have gotten out of bed.
Lina: <Yawn!> Gourrigan, what's going on?
Gourrigan: I think that Answer Guy is on his way.
Lina: What?
Gourrigan: Yeah, so I can finally understand your magic!
Lina: Hey, maybe he'll tell me if there's anything to eat here besides coconuts!
Sylphiel: I'll find out if Gourrigan likes me or my cooking more!
Amelia: And I'll find out if Zelgadis will ever admit his true feelings for me!
Zelgadis: I'll..just be sick.
Gourrigan: What about your cure?
Zelgadis: Cure later; nausea now.
As Zel stumbles offscreen to retch, the rest of the cast ponders the meaning of Life, the Universe, and
Everything. (It's 42)
Gourrigan: It's gotta be some kind of football play.
Rezo: Probably some mathematic formula solves the question, and 42 is just the algebraic solution.
Xelloss: I could tell you the answer, but..
Lina: Lemme guess, 'It's a secret.',right?
Xelloss: Actually, I don't have a clue.
The cast facefaults.
Naga: OH HO HO HO! It's my chest size! 42 Double-D! OH HO HO HO!
Everyone else joins Zelgadis in a nauseated hurry.
The raft is now close enough to shore that we can get a look at its occupant. He wears robes similar to
Rezo's, but white instead of red. A sword is slung across his belt, and curly, black hair falls haphazardly
down his broad shoulders. A tall man, over six feet, his features are striking, his manner proud. A shield
sits next to him in the boat, the face of a beautiful woman emblazoned on it. he begins to sing off-key.
Egaboo: For jus-tice, pride, and goodness too, I'll fight for right and e'er be true, no one can match my
daring-do, for I am the mighty E-GA-BOO!
The raft hits land. Hoisting his shield, the conceited cleric makes a dramatic leap to shore-and falls flat
on his face (It's the Amelia Effect.)
Egaboo: Ha! I meant to do that! Furthermore, kissing the beach has merely blessed it by contact with
my holy person!
While the writer ponders his immense stupidity in bringing Egaboo back from the dead, the man,myth,
and legend himself is busy admiring his reflection in the water.
Egaboo: Truly, 'tis there nary a man alive as handsome as I? Let me hear his name!
at this, he raises his siren shield. The mouth begins to open..
Siren: EGABOO!
The cast comes running to see what the disturbance is.
Lina: What the hell was that?!
Zelgadis: Sadly enough, it would appear to be our Answer Man.
Turning for a moment, the proud paladin takes in the Castaways at a glance.
Egaboo: Greetings, good people! I am the great Egaboo!
Amelia: Are you the man who will answer all of our questions?
Egaboo: Answer your questions? Surely, your questions have no answer, your problems no remedy, else
I, Egaboo the Omniscient, would know them.
Lina: Damn! I was sure he would tell me where to find some good food!
Egaboo: Fear not, Good Cheer! For I, the High Paladin Egaboo, have come to save thee!
All : WHAT!
Lina: You mean, we're finally gettin offa this stinkin' island?!
Gourrigan: But I thought we couldn't leave!
Zelgadis: Different writer, different rules. This could be our chance to escape while the Queen's not looking.
Amelia: Mr. Egaboo, do you truly intend to rescue us from this island?
Egaboo: Rescue you from the island? No, I meant, I am here to save you from the horrible punishment that
my absence has inflicted!
All: WHAT!
Sylphiel: You mean we're stuck here?!
Xelloss: I knew it! The Queen loves me too much to ever let me stray far from her!
Zelgadis: What about the rest of us?
Xelloss: Tough luck, I suppose.
Firia: Well I, for one, am sick of this guy!
Lifting her mace with both hands, Firia prepares to brain Egaboo. But at the last moment, he raises his shield.
Siren: EEGAABOOO!
The Castaways are knocked to the ground, reeling in pain. Egaboo closes his eyes, trying to imagine that
the islanders will be bowing before him any minute now. He opens his eyes-Well, sprawled out and twitching
wasn't what he'd had in mind, but it would do. Except that one person wasn't twitching, or bowing. She simply
stood there, and smiled.
Naga: That's quite a shield you have there, Egaboo.
Egaboo: Thank you, milady, but you may call me Boo.
Naga: 'Milady'? OH HO HO! my dear Boo, you need not be so formal with me!
Egaboo beams proudly, his overconfidence in his manly good looks taking charge. Suddenly, Naga
begins to saunter toward him, a sultry swagger in her step.
Naga: Ooh, It's so big,and gorgeous, and shiny! I do so love shiny things!
Egaboo:<gulp> You do..?Well, ah yes, of course, the great teacher of priests must have a shield as
impressive as he is!
Naga:(wrapping arms around his neck.) Ooh! A teacher! I simply adore educators!
By this point, Naga is uncomfortably close to the very nervous High Paladin. While he's distracted, she
buries her knee in his groin-hard. He drops his shield, which she grabs and leaps away with.
Egaboo: Gack! Foul trollop! Toying with the affections of the priesthood is an unforgivable sin! What is
thy name, harlot!
Naga: My name, dear Boo? It is of small fame, but great infamy: I am the White Serpent whose venom
freezes the hearts of the strongest of men! The beautiful, genius sorceress, renowned throughout the world!
I am Naga!
With this final outburst, she raises the shield.
Siren: OH HO HO HO!
Palm trees shudder, then collapse. Sylphiel barely manages to recite a Restore spell, saving herself and
the rest of the Castaways from certain death. Egaboo is knocked flat on his posterior.And he's smiling.
Egaboo: Gads, What a woman! Naga, my sweet, whilst thou be my bride?!
Naga: OH HO HO!-Bride?! Are you proposing to me? Very well, I accept!
Scooping up her winded fiancee, Naga heads for the raft.
Gourrigan: We've got to stop her!
Lina: Why?! She's finally leaving! We should party!!
Gourrigan: But can you imagine what kind of kids those two'll have?!
Lina: Oh @#$%, you're right! We've gotta stop 'em!
But it's too late. Having placed her happy hubby in the raft and stepping aboard herself, Naga uses a
magical gust of wind to shove off for parts unknown.
Lina: Aaah! Now what!
Zelgadis: We can only hope they don't come back.
Amelia: I'm mad! I never found out if Zelgadis will ever admit his true feelings for me!
Zelgadis: You want to know my true feelings?
With that, he reaches into Amelia's blouse.
Amelia:(blushing) Zel, you're so bold! Be gentle with me!
His eyes squinted in concentration, Zelgadis toys with her blouse for a moment, then probes her
undergarments with a trembling, chimeric finger. Suddenly, he's found the object of his lecherous
search; he rubs its smooth surface with a sigh of contentment, studying its curves and enjoying its warmth.
Then, he pulls the Hammer of Justice free with an exuberant shout!(What did you think he was looking for?)
Zelgadis: PACIFIST CRUSH!
Amelia's lights have been put out.
Zelgadis: That's how I truly feel about you.
