Couriosity
George
By
Nathan Crews
Nathan, a.k.a. the Man in the Black Hat, appears on the beach. Typwriter in hand, he begins to do a little of that ol' writer's magic, typing up a wicker sunchair, a parasol, and a cooler full of Kirin Lager. Then, grinning devilishly, he mutters to himself..
Nathan: (typing) Snow starts to fall.
All over the island, the Castaways pause in their activities to look up.
Gourrigan: Hey, it's snowing!
Lina: We can see that, doof!
Zelgadis: Now the question is "why?"
Xelloss: That's a secret!
After Zelgadis nails Xelloss with the Hammer of Justice he "borrowed" from Amelia, he heads for the beach.
Gourrigan: Hey Zel, where're ya going?
Zelgadis: To the beach. That's where the writer is.
Lina: How did you know that?
Zelgadis: It's where most of the writers for this show arrive.
L:ina: Good point. Let's go to the beach.
Ignoring Xelloss, who is sulking over being whacked with the Hammer of Justice, Gourrigan, Lina, and Zelgadis head for the beach.
Nathan: i knew you'd find me.
Lina: You! You've got some nerve, showin' up here after the stunt you pulled!
Zelgadis: You've probably set the destruction of the entire world in motion by pairing those two off with each other.
Gourrigan: Yeah! And you didn't even send a real Answer Guy! That Egaboo creep never answered any of our questions.
Nathan: But his presence did answer your questions about what I had in store for you, didn't it? Anyway, what do you want me to do about it, bring them both back?
The three blanch at that prospect, so the writer happily interjects.
Nathan: Anyway, just to show I'm not an ogre, I've decided to build a sauna and a jacuzzi here on the island.
Lina: What!
Gourrigan: Really?
Zelgadis: What's the catch?
Nathan: Other than the fact that you have to get Trickster boy to help, and help me collect the bamboo and coconuts to build it, nothing.
Zelgadis: I knew there was a catch.
Some hours later, various members of the cast are enjoying the new health spa engineered by the Man in the Black Hat. The girls have opted for the jaccuzi.
Sylphiel: Well, I guess this sort of makes up for the visit from Eg..
Lina: Shh! Don't say that name! My ears are still ringing!
Amelia: Yeah, mine too. Zelgadis didn't have to hit me with the Hammer of Justice.
Lina: By the way, Amelia, are you gonna give up on Zel now?
Amelia:.....
Lina: Amelia?
Amelia: WAHHH! IT'S NOT FAIR! He didn't even give me back my Hammer of Justice! sniff-sniff! He hates meee! Wahh!<sob-sob>
While the girls try to comfort their friend, and their much abused ears, the guys are living it up in the sauna.
Gourrigan: Man, this's great!
Zangulus: You said it! I'll have to bring Martina here sometime!
Gourrigan: I didn't hear that.
Nathan: Now, the bad news..
All eyes in the sauna turn toward Nathan, glaring balefully, and with some trepidation.
Nathan: Y'see, there's this monkey..
Meanwhile, a small, wet, furry, misshapen blob washes up on the beach. From the treetops, a guitar-plucking folk singer gives his voice to rhythm.
Singer: Curiosity George, the evil little mummy, his monkey's flesh, imbued with evil pow'r<duhn,duhn,duhn,duhn,duhn,duhn>Curiosity George, the evil little mu-mmy;What's he doin'?<duhn,duhn,dihn> Let's not find out..
The scene turns brutal as the feral, furry blob rises, leaps into the trees, and begins to eat the folk singer alive.
Singer: AHHH! Help me! Help meAHHH! <crunchmunchslurp>
Zelgadis: So you're saying his name is Curiosity George.
MiBH: Uh-huh.
Zelgadis: And he's a 100 year-old descendent of Ramses III and the Fiji Mermaid?
MiBH: Uh-Huh.
Zelgadis: And you expect us to kill it?
MiBH: Nuh-uh.
Gourrigan: Come again?
MiBH: Oddly enough, he serves a purpose; he was my zombie slave, devouring any folk singer foolish enough to cross me. Unfortunately, he's run amok, and is killing and eating every folk singer he comes across.
Lina: You have zombie slaves?
MiBH: Yes. I tried zombie temp work, but they were abominable.
Xelloss: Too true.
Unfortunately, Amelia chose the worst time to wander off by herself, and depression has given her cause to sing. Worse yet, the only song she can remember is "If I had a hammer".
Suddenly, a hideous beast born of foulest necromancy leaps in front of her chattering and snarling. Terrified, she shrieks in the most bloodcurdling manner possible.
Amelia: EEK! It's gross! Get it away from me!
George: oOH OOH ooh ooh Ah AH!
She turns to run, and in an instant, the foul thing is upon her, teeth bared, ready to rend her flesh and feast on her brains!
Nathan: Oh dear! I just remembered the lamest trick to make people keep reading!