It’s been nearly a week since a stoned-out Red Priest and dragon maiden escaped the island and seemed to disappear off the face of the earth. Lina has now become worried, and goes to talk to her boss, the Queen of Swords. The office is dark, Lina thought.

Lina: I guess I should turn on a light.

She flicks on a light and facefaults.

Lina (in shock): QUEEN!

We see the Queen kissing and fondling her Xellos plushie. She sees Lina, panics, and tries to hide the plushie.

Queen of Swords: Ack! Um, hi Lina. Is there something I can do for you? Is it something about the party we’re planning?

Lina: Well, I wanted to talk. About Michael and Firia. They’ve been gone an awful long time.

Queen of Swords: Yes, Lina, I know. Which is why I’ve been asking our guest writers for a hand in finding them.

Lina: That’s not what I’m worried about. He’s a sorcerer, and she’s a dragon maiden. They can take care of themselves.

Queen of Swords: Well if that’s not the case, then what are you worried about?

Lina: Well, it’s--

Secretary: Sorry to interrupt you Queen, but I have managed to establish a transmission to Dathon. Shall I put it through?

Queen of Swords: Yes please. One moment Lina.

The Queen spins her chair around and the wall behind her opens up to reveal a video screen. The screen turns on, and Dathon’s image is before her.

Dathon: You wished to speak with me Queen?

Queen of Swords: Yes Dathon. One of my cast members and a guest writer have gone missing. I was figuring since you can see a lot more from up there than we can, you could help us spot them. I’ll send you over some more data on the situation in a moment.

Dathon: Yes, my Queen. I will do my best to locate them.

Secretary: Queen, I have Bluefox on the other line. He says it’s urgent.

Queen of Swords: Okay. Put him through.

The image changes and we see Bluefox standing before the monitor.

Queen of Swords: Yes Bluefox, what can I do for you?

Bluefox: Hey Queen. I got the APB you sent out for Michael and Firia. Relax. They were with me all week.

Queen of Swords: What?!

Bluefox: I found them passed out in front of my mall with a hangover. When they came to, they decided to stay and pick up supplies. Which reminds me, you’ll see a statement on your credit card bill that reads $10,268.34.

Queen of Swords: What on earth for?

Bluefox: They put it on your charge card.

Queen of Swords: Now how the hell did they--aw shit. I left my stuff with Firia when I changed into the robes for the trial. I was wondering where that card went. What did they buy?

Bluefox: 8 TV’s, 4 stereos, a PSX game console, 20 games, a new wardrobe for the castaways, a portable generator, a meat locker, and the rest is all food.

Lina: FOOD!!!

Queen of Swords (rubbing her temples): Did they buy anything else?

Bluefox: Well, that’s a secret.

Xellos burst out of the office bathroom door with a toothbrush in his mouth and a towel wrapped around him.

Xellos: HEY! Stop using my lines you blue, pointy-eared twit!

Queen of Swords: XELLOS! I told you to stay in there until Lina was gone!

Lina shudders.

Xellos: Whoops. (looks at Lina) Lina, you saw nothing. Let this be our little secret.

Lina: (eye twitching) Okay. But why bother? Everyone will know about it sooner or later.

Xellos: Good point. giggle

Lina: Well, I should go now. I’ll leave you two alone.

Xellos: Okay then, bye.

Lina runs out as fast as her feet can carry her, leaving Xellos and a blushing Queen behind.

Back at the island, Lina has assembled what’s left of the castaways for a group meeting.

Zelgadis: So that’s where they’ve been all this time?

Lina: Yep. But something doesn’t seem to be right.

Zelgadis: What do you mean?

Lina: Bluefox was keeping something from the Queen. I can’t help but wonder, could it have been something about Michael and Firia?

Zelgadis: Lina. Do us all a favor and don’t get involved in this. Curiosity has gotten the better of you more times than one. It may be best that we didn’t know. Okay?

Lina: Oh, all right.

Rezo: Hey wait a sec, where’s Xellos?

Lina: shudder At the Queen’s office.

All: EEEWWWWW!!!!!!!

Zelgadis: See what I mean. You were curious about how the progress of the search was going, and you end up learning that little nugget of joy.

Lina: Okay, okay. I see your point.

Amelia: So when will Mike and Firia be arriving?

Lina: I didn’t stay long enough to hear that part. However, I do think we should post watch and keep an eye out for them.

Sylphiel: I second.

Chibi-Chibi Gourrigan: Same here.

Everyone looks at Chibi-Chibi Gourrigan, then Sylphiel.

Sylphiel: He didn’t disappear when Xellos turned off the plot device.

Lina: Where did Xellos find that thing anyway? I thought it blew up?

Rezo: I can answer that. I went digging through his "Trunk o’ Tricks". The bottom of the trunk is nothing but a giant plot hole.

Lina: Figures. All right, who’s gonna take the first watch?

Zelgadis: I will. After what you just told me about Xellos, I know I won’t be able to get much sleep tonight.

Lina: All right. Rezo, you have the next shift.

The next day, we find an agitated Rezo standing out on the beach with a pair of binoculars.

Rezo: Dammit! Why do I have to be the watchman? I’m blind dammit! It’s not like I’m gonna spot them heading toward the island or something. I’m visually impaired, why do they not understand that?!

Rezo stops his complaining when he hears what sounds like a boat coming toward the shore.

Rezo: Omigosh. Can it be? We’re going to be saved! Yes!!! Finally, I can get back to my laboratory and try to absorb another dark lord or something. Woo hoo! I’m--

Michael the Red Priest: You’re staying.

Rezo: Huh? Michael, is that you?

Michael: Yep. Okay Bluefox, start unloading the boat.

Bluefox: I’m already working on it.

The castaways start running to the beach once they noticed the boat parked on the shoreline. Bluefox was bringing stuff down from the boat, and Michael was standing next to Rezo.

Michael: Hey guys! How was life on the island without us?

Lina: Boring. Hey Bluefox, long time no see.

Bluefox: Hey Lina! I got a present for you and Gourrigan, my treat.

He pulls out two crates full of stuff from the food court.

Lina, Gourrigan: Food!!!

Michael: Not so fast you two. We could really use your help unloading the boat.

Lina: Oh, okay. Hey Michael, where’s Firia?

Michael: She preferred to come to the island in her own way.

He points up to the sky, where we see the dragon maiden fly by and land in the village.

Michael: Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s help Bluefox get this stuff unloaded.

With the help of magic and brute strength, the task is done in less than an hour. Gourrigan, taking the last thing from the boat, picks up his food crate and bids farewell to Bluefox. As Gourrigan walks toward the village, he notices a glint of light coming from the sand.

Gourrigan: What’s that?

He bends over and picks whatever it is, up. It looks like a diamond ring.

Gourrigan: I’d better show this to Lina.

Meanwhile, back at the village, Firia opens the door to Michael’s hut. She finds him on the floor, doing push-ups. She smirks.

Firia: Hey there, handsome.

Michael: Hi Firia. Just keeping my body in shape.

Firia: That’s good. After all, that is the reason I married you.

Michael: I thought it was my caring nature that attracted you to me? Or was it the fact that we were both intoxicated with funky fruit?

Firia: That too.

They kiss. Then Michael stops when he notices something.

Michael: Firia, darling.

Firia: Yes?

Michael: Where’s your ring?

Firia: My ring?

She looks at her hands, only to notice that indeed, the ring is gone.

Firia: OH SHIT! The ring! Where is it?

Michael: You don’t think it fell off on the beach do you?

Firia: I hope not. C’mon, let’s go check.

The two run past Gourrigan, but Michael stops when he sees a glint of light flash off Gourrigan’s hand. He tugs on Firia’s arm so that she’d stop too.

Firia: What is it Mike?

Michael (whispering): Gourrigan has the ring.

Firia (now whispering): He does? Well why don’t we take it from him?

Michael: No, that would draw attention. Let’s see what he does with it.

Firia: Okay.

The two hide in a bush somewhere while they watch Gourrigan.

Gourrigan: Hey Lina, come over here.

Lina: What’s up Gourrigan?

Gourrigan holds up the ring.

Gourrigan: Well, I was bringing this crate here when--

Lina’s eyes widen at the sight of the ring. She snatches it from Gourrigan, and gives him a kiss.

Lina (crying): Oh yes Gourrigan, I will! I will marry you!

Gourrigan: Did I ask you that?

Lina: Of course you did silly. Now let’s go make the arrangements. *giggle*

Michael and Firia look at each other.

Michael: You know what I’m thinking right?

Firia: Do we have to? They’re our friends.

Michael: I know that. But they know too much. You know what will happen if the Queen finds out.

Firia: All right. Is the coast clear?

Michael: No one around but those two.

Firia: Okay.

Firia pulls out her mace, and Michael sets his staff for ‘Beat Down’ mode.

Michael: Okay, on the count of 3....3!

Gourrigan, Lina: Huh?

We see the Michael and Firia lunging at Gourrigan and Lina from Lina’s perspective, and then everything goes dark. The darkness is slowly replaced by a steady flow of light, then sounds are reintroduced.

Michael: Damn. His head is harder than I thought. He actually managed to put a dent in my orb.

Firia: Well then why didn’t you use a rock or something?

Michael: A Red Priest does not use a common object like a rock, when he can stop his opponent with the staff.

Firia: Hey look, Lina is starting to wake up.

Michael: Same with Gourrigan

Lina looks around to see where they are. It looks like Michael’s room.

Lina: Ow. What the hell happened?

Firia: Just relax Lina. I hit you pretty hard.

Lina: Why?

Michael: Because we knew you wouldn’t come quietly. (he redirects his attention to Gourrigan) Gourrigan?

Gourrigan: Yeah Mike?

Michael (holds up the ring): Where did you find this?

Lina: He didn’t find it, he gave it to me. We’re getting married.

Gourrigan: Actually Lina, I...found it...in the sand. I was just going to show it to you, not propose.

Lina: WHAT?! (tearing up) You mean you don’t love me?

Gourrigan: That’s not what I said. Of course I love you.

Lina: So if the ring wasn’t for me, than who was it for?

Firia: I can answer that.

Firia slips on the ring, which fits perfectly.

Lina: You mean...you two...got gulp married?

Both nod.

Lina: You’re kidding! How did that happen?

Michael: Well, it went down like this...

Michael pushes a button on his staff and the environment around them began to ripple.

Michael: Flashback button. Man, I love this staff.

We see the Red Priest on a transformed Firia’s back. Both are stoned out from funky fruit, and are laughing like hyenas.

Michael: Hey, can you dragons swim?

Firia: I don’t know. Ya wanna find out?

Michael: Okay.

Firia plunges down into the ocean, but does not resurface.

Lina: That was smart.

Michael: We washed up on a shoreline near Bluefox’s mall about an hour later.

More rippling effects.

We see Bluefox walking down the beach in tropical clothing, with a CD player in his hand.

Bluefox: Oh yeah, we’re jamming. The whole world’s jamming with you. We’re jamming, oh yeah, and I hope you like jamming too.

He stops when he sees Michael and Firia.

Bluefox: Oh good. Customers.

He douses both of them with cold water, which wakes them up.

Bluefox: Hello and welcome to my mall. What can I do for you?

Michael (slurring): Whoa, a blue fox. Is this some kinda marriage? (in case you are wondering, he meant to say mirage)

Bluefox: Marriage? You mean you want to get married? Oh that’s sweet. Come with me you two lovebirds, I can get you two hitched in no time.

More rippling effects.

Michael: Because of my temporary speech impediment, we ended up a married couple. Of course, we didn’t know about it until the next day. But it didn’t bother us, because we enjoyed each other’s company. We also found out that I had paid for a ring with the Queen’s charge card. When I explained this to Bluefox, he started helping us pick out items that would equal up to the cost of the ring. After all, he didn’t want the Queen getting on his case either. The food and electronics were free, the ring wasn’t. We had hoped that no one would find out about this, but Gourrigan found Firia’s ring, and that could mean trouble. Lina, if it’s not too much to ask, PLEASE don’t tell anyone.

Lina: What about Gourrigan?

Gourrigan: Yeah, what about me?

Michael: We don’t need to worry about you. We know you’ll forget the minute you walk out the door, especially after I do this.

Michael bonks Gourrigan on the head again with his staff, and he passes out again.

Michael: Aw dammit. I put another dent in the orb. Lina, when he wakes up, tell him a coconut fell on him. And PLEASE don’t tell a soul about this.

Lina: Well...

She looks at Firia, who has a look of despair on her face. She really loves this guy. To hurt him would be to hurt her, which is something Lina cannot bear to do.

Lina: All right.

Firia: Thank you Lina.

Lina starts to walk out of the hut, then stops at the door.

Lina: Oh guys I almost forgot. The Queen said she’s having a small party on the island, so find something fun to wear.

The "small party" covered 10 acres of ground, minus the stage, which was empty. Anime characters as far as the eye could see, not to mention the Queen’s armada of guest writers.

Michael: Hey Queen! I thought you said this party was small?

The Queen is wearing nothing but a one-piece swimsuit with a shirt over it.

Queen of Swords: It is! I didn’t ask the Gundam cast over this time.

Michael: Oh. That’s a nice looking stage. Is anyone performing?

Queen of Swords: No. The band had to cancel.

Michael: Now that’s a shame. Say, what if I could get Marley over for a night?

Xellos: Could you do that?

Xellos has his hair in dreadlocks again, and is wearing khakis and nothing else.

Queen of Swords: Oh c’mon Xellos. You of all people should know that Marley is dead.

Michael: True. But things can change. Can I see your cell phone?

Queen of Swords: Sure.

The Queen hands him the phone. He dials.

Michael: Hey Goku, how’s it going? Have you found any dragonballs lately? Really? All seven? Cool. You wouldn’t mind bringing those to me would you? I wanna make a wish. You will? Thanks a bundle man.

Goku teleports right in front of him.

Goku: Here you go Mike, all seven dragonballs.

Michael: Thanks man, I really appreciate it. You know, you’re welcome to stay if you want.

Goku: Thanks Mike, but I must decline. Chi-Chi doesn’t know I left the house. I gotta get back before she comes a’looking.

Michael: Oh, okay. See you Goku.

Michael shows Xellos one of the dragonballs.

Michael: This is how we get Marley.

Xellos: From these balls? snicker You’re kidding right?

Michael: Just wait and see.

Michael runs to the stage and sets the balls into proper arrangement.

Michael: Shenron! Come forth and grant me my wish!

The balls suddenly begin to glow, and a massive dragon comes forth from them. Lina panics at the sight and tries to Dragon Slave it, but the Queen stops her from finishing the spell.

Shenron: WHAT DO YOU WISH, MORTAL?

Michael: I wish that Bob Marley can return and play his music for tonight. Hell, while I’m at it, add the Grateful Dead too.

Shenron: VERY WELL, YOUR WISH WILL BE GRANTED.

Michael: Before you go, do you want a beer or something?

Shenron: UM, OKAY.

Michael hands him a Dos Equis.

Shenron: FAREWELL.

The dragon disappears, and the dragonballs scatter. In its place, Bob Marley is at center stage, while Jerry Garcia and his group warm up in back.

Queen of Swords: Why didn’t I think of that sooner?

Xellos: Because you're an Independent.

Queen of Swords (glaring): Don’t bring up politics now Monster-Boy, otherwise you’ll be spending your time doing a yaoi with Zelgadis.

Xellos: REALLY??

Zelgadis: NO!!! Please Queen, anything but that!

Queen of Swords: Oh, I’m sorry Zel. I forgot about you.

Michael and Firia decide to leave behind the quarreling Queen and Xellos and start looking for the other cast members.

Firia: Hey look, there’s Rezo.

Rezo is also wearing khakis, but he also has a red shirt and a straw hat to go with it. He is talking to a scruffy looking guy with a circlet on his head.

Michael: Hey Rezo.

Rezo: Hello Mike. I’d like you to meet Karla.

Michael: Hello Karla. It’s a pleasure to meet you.

The man speaks, but with a girl’s voice.

Karla: The pleasure is all mine.

Michael bends over and whispers into Rezo’s ear.

Michael (whispering): Don’t look now Rezo, but you girlfriend here is a guy.

Rezo: What?

Michael: The voice is Karla, but Karla is the circlet this guy is wearing. She needs to merge with a host to use her powers.

Rezo: You’re kidding right?

Michael: I’m serious. Hasn’t the Queen explained Lodoss War to you yet?

Rezo: Well, not exactly.

Michael (grinning): Well, I gotta split Rezo. snicker Have fun with your girlfriend.

A couple of yards over, we see Lina talking to Ai.

Lina: No way! You’re a video?

Ai: Yep. I’ll be fine as long as Youta keeps his VCR running. So who’s accompanying you at this party?

Lina: The Blonde one.

She points to a drunk Gourrigan. He’s wearing a Metallica shirt and using the Sword of Light as a skewer to roast a pig.

Lina: Hey Gourrigan you lummox! Come over here!

Gourrigan staggers over to Lina. He smells like a dog.

Gourrigan: Yeah Lina?

Lina: Gourrigan, I’d like you to meet Ai-chan.

Gourrigan: Wow, you’re pretty.

Ai: Gee, thanks.

Gourrigan: But your tits are smaller than Lina’s.

Ai: WHAT?? YOU PERVERT!!!

Ai-chan decks Gourrigan in the jaw, sending him flying. He lands on Xellos.

Lina: Wow, great distance with that left hook Ai-chan. I couldn’t have done it better myself.

Ai: Thanks.

Lina: If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go help my date get up now.

Ai: Okay.

Lina runs over to Gourrigan and pulls him off a frustrated Xellos.

Xellos: What the *#$%&^! was that all about?

Lina: Gourrigan got on the video girl’s bad side.

Queen of Swords: Really? That was smart Gourrigan.

Meanwhile, out in the center of the party, Naga is trying to teach Sylphiel and Amelia to pick up guys. Naga decides to wear what she normally does, and Amelia and Sylphiel are wearing bikini tops with shorts. Chibi-Chibi Gourrigan is sitting on Sylphiel’s shoulder.

Sylphiel: I don’t wanna do this. Gourrigan is the only person for me.

Amelia: Neither do I. I will love only Zelgadis and no other.

Naga: OH HO HO! C’mon you two, be serious! Gourrigan and Lina are together already, and Zelgadis will probably die before he goes out with you Amelia. So lighten up!

Slyphiel, Amelia: WAHHH!!!

Naga: Knock it off you two, you’re making fools out of yourselves. Now just relax and do what I do.

Naga does a sexy strut over to Tasuki, and tries to give her obnoxiously large breasts just a bit more bounce. She stares into Tasuki’s eyes and smirks.

Naga: Hey there handsome, ya wanna dance?

Tasuki: Um, sure.

Naga: All right. (glares angrily at him) Hey fang-boy, my eyes are up here.

Tasuki: Oh, yeah.

Naga: Now, how about that dance?

Tasuki: Um, right.

The two disappear into the crowd of people.

Slyphiel: She doesn’t expect us to do that does she?

Amelia: I’m afraid so. But you know what? She’s right! This is a party, and we’re two very attractive, single girls. If the guys in our lives have yet to care for us, then screw them, ‘cuz they don’t know what they’re missing. Now I don’t know about you Sylphiel, but I’m gonna go out there, and get me a man!

Amelia adjusts her top, and tries to walk like Naga as best she can. She trips over a can of beer, and lands face first in the sand. She gets up and starts crying again.

Amelia: WAHHH!!! I want Zelgadis.

Sylphiel: Oh Gods. Well little Gourrigan, I guess its just you and--huh?

Chibi-Chibi Gourrigan is gone.

Sylphiel: Little Gourrigan? Where are you?

She spots him devouring the pig that Gourrigan was roasting.

Sylphiel: Like father, like miniaturized SD clone.

We change scenes back to where the Queen is. Lina is icing down Gourrigan’s swollen jaw, explaining to him that he deserved it, and Xellos is nearby chugging three beers at once. Bluefox walks up to the Queen, who was staring at something.

Bluefox: Hi Queen.

Queen of Swords: Hi Bluefox. It’s good to see that you came.

Bluefox: I locked up early and claimed that today was a holiday.

The Queen’s eyes were still fixed on the same thing.

Bluefox: Um, Queen? May I ask what are you looking at?

Queen of Swords: I’m looking at Michael.

Bluefox: Michael? Boy he’s a nice guy. Don’t you think so?

The Queen looks at Bluefox sourly.

Bluefox: You mean you don’t like him?

Queen of Swords: It’s not that really. I like his work, and I like his skills. I’m sure he’s a really nice guy, but he’s so independent.

Bluefox: What do you mean?

Queen of Swords: He’s had this job on the island for over a week. During that time, he’s given the girls all the luxuries of a health club, and has allowed means of enjoyment on the island, thanks to you. The cast was supposed to endure their problems on their own. They were not supposed to be helped.

Bluefox: It’s about time someone did it.

Queen of Swords: What?

Bluefox: I myself thought that you were going a bit harsh on them. I was planning to stay on the island forever, but someone let loose the IRS on me. You wouldn’t have had something to do with that, hm?

The Queen freezes. She is silent for a moment.

Queen of Swords: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Bluefox: Hmph.

Queen of Swords: You know what else I’ve noticed?

Bluefox: What’s that?

Queen of Swords: Ever since he got this job, I’ve always seen him around Firia.

Bluefox stiffens up and takes a quick sip from his drink.

Queen of Swords: And since he returned from your place, they’ve been even closer. They almost act as if they’re married.

Gourrigan: They are.

Lina: Gourrigan you fool, shut up!

Queen of Swords: What?!

The Queen pounces on Gourrigan, cocking her fist to slug him. Bluefox makes a mad dash back to his boat.

Queen of Swords: What are you talking about? Talk Gourrigan, or I’ll make both sides of your face match.

Gourrigan: Okay! I’ll talk! Bluefox wedded Mike and Firia at his mall! He tried covering up the expenses by giving us a crap load of junk!

Lina: You were supposed to forget all that dunder-head!

Gourrigan: I was?

Queen of Swords: Bluefox!!! Where are you?

Dathon: I saw him running back to his boat.

Queen of Swords: Damn. Well, if I can’t vent my rage on him, I guess it will have to be vented on Mike.

The Queen walks off.

Xellos: You mean my precious dragon maiden married the boy blunder in red?

They nod. Xellos faints in response.

The Queen walks up to the table where Rezo and Karla are sitting.

Queen of Swords: Hey, Rezo. Sorry, Wood, but I need to borrow Karla for a minute.

The Queen grabs the crown and yanks it off Wood’s head, and places it on her own.

Rezo: Hey wait a second Queen! We were having a very stimulating conversation about the finer points of mass of destruction.

Queen of Swords: Why converse about, when you can see it first hand?

Lina: Shit. This isn’t good at all.