All watch in horror as Michael plummets to the ocean below, everyone
except for Harrison of course. He just grins as usual. Finally, the Red
Priest collides with the ocean surface, sending ripples outward from his
landing point. "Well," says Harrison, "I guess that's that. I win."
"No, that's not that," says Firia.
"Huh? Whaddaya--grk!" Firia wraps her slender, yet very strong hand
around Harrison's throat and squeezes, slowly cutting off his life. She
adds, "If he dies, you die with him. I don't recall there being anything in
my contract saying that I couldn't kill a guest writer." She grins, and
squeezes harder. Then from the ocean below, and explosion erupts, and
blazing blue fire flies up from the ocean and heads straight for the island.
>From that fire an energy koudan is fired skillfully between Harrison and
Firia. It misses Firia, but nails Harrison dead on, carrying him a good 50
feet before it exploded. Shortly after the explosion, a chain of koudans
pound the area around which Harrison had landed.
The blue fire dies as Michael powers down from his attack. He maintains
his status in the air and watches as Harrison re-forms himself to his good
ole obnoxious self. "So," says Mike, "You seem to be immortal. What are
you, some kind of Angel?"
"You could say that," replies Harrison. Michael flashes a wicked grin
and says, "Oh good. I actually have something that can stop you then. The
rest of you guys Raywing it out of here while you have a chance. We'll
leave this one to Harrison." The group Raywings away with Michael, just as
a berzerked EVA Unit 00 jumps out of the water and flies to the island.
Harrison, suddenly realizing the mistake of stating that he is some kind of
angel, braces himself for whatever Unit 00 has in store for him.
"You know normal weapons can't hurt me. There's nothing it can do, not
unless it uses--eeekkk!!!" Harrison starts to freak out as Unit 00 calls
forth the Lance de Longinus to smite the evil angel and make Tokyo 3-er I
mean, the island, safe again.
*****
A freak storm hits. Lightning flashes dramatically as Unit 00 lunges at
its target.
"Lance of Longinus?" mumbles Harrison, oblivious to the dramatic
weather and the dramatic giant robot trying to squish him. You know, if you
say 'dramatic' a bunch of times, it starts to sound really strange. "Crap. I
wasn't able to see all of Evangelion... I'm a starving college student, I
couldn't afford the box-set... all I saw about the Lance of Longinus was
some gratuitous forshadowing. What's the..." Suddenly he assumes a very
thoughtful expression. "Unit 00. Unit 00... That means..." His face lights
up and little pink hearts dance around his head. He hops onto his flying
carpet, zooms up to the cockpit of Unit 00 - the carpet jinks back and forth
to keep him level with the agitated Eva - and knocks. After a second, the
cockpit opens and Rei sticks her head out. "Eh..?"
Harrison grabs her right hand in both of his and shakes it vigorously.
"Ms. Ayanami, it's a real pleasure to meet you. Are you busy tonight?"
Rei stares at him.
"Oh," Harrison grins. "I'm not an Angel. I just said that to make
Michael think I was vulnerable."
"I... see." Rei shrugs. "No, I'm not busy."
Harrison blushes. "Well, would you like to, to go somewhere? Have
dinner or something?"
"I don't appear to be able to exit Unit 00..." Rei begins, gesturing at
the crazed mecha.
"Hey, that's no problem." He taps the Eva with the Staff of Moses.
Recognizing the power of a strange religious reference, the Eva quiets down.
Rei pops out the top.
"Well." she says.
"So. Dinner?" Harrison asks.
"Okay."
Harrison grins. "Great! Er... could you wait here? Michael and I oughta
finish this in an hour or so." He glances around for a second, then reaches
into his backpack and pulls out a Game Boy. "Here. In case you get bored."
Then he pulls out an umbrella. "Here. So you don't get wet." It is indeed
raining now. The storm seems to be settling in. The umbrella also had
certain other properties, but Harrison didn't feel the need to tell Rei, in
case she got nervous.
Rei gives him an odd look but accepts the Game Boy and umbrella.
Harrison taps the side of his head. "Almost forgot." He hands her a
photocopy of a short story. "Read this. It's called "Echoes." It's by Alan
Brennert. You might like it."
Rei settles down on top of the Eva, under the umbrella, reading the
story. Harrison carpets back to the ground, still grinning. He nods at
Michael. "Thanks, man." Then his smile fades. "Okay, now I have to attack
you again. Hmmm."
Michael - who is soaked through already - glares at him. "So if you're
not an Angel, what are you?"
Harrison - who's not even damp - gives him a singe, annoyed glance.
"You should be able to figure that out." He goes back to thinking. He looks
around, noting that the trees for quite some distance have been levelled by
the assorted explosions and natural disasters. He looks at the Slayers cast,
hunkered down near the treeline. He looks at Rei, on top of her gigantic
Eva, but protected by his umbrella. He looks at Michael, who is tall and all
dramatic- looking. He grins, and sits down. The storm hasn't stopped.
Michael's hair begins to stand on end. As we all know, that gives him about
a tenth of a second before the lightning strikes him.
*****
Michael, retaliating as fast as he could, unsheathes his Sakaba blade
and chucks it into the air, making it a lightning rod. All watched as
electricty channeled through the blade, damn near illuminating the thing.
The sword was now powered with electricity, and Mike sees an opportunity he
just cannot refuse to ignore. "Dumb move Harrison," says Mike, "Now let's
see how you stop this one: AMA KAKERU RYUU NO HIRAMEKI!!!" Michael
disappears in instant as he begins to execute the most powerful move in
Rurouni Kenshin.
"Aw shit," says Harrison.
*****
'One of these days,' Harrison thinks, 'I've gotta check out this
Rurouni Kenshin. It sounds quite interesting...'
Back at his laptop, in the 'real' world, he opens a New Navigator
Window, goes to www.anipike.com, and tries to find some information on the
Ama Kakeru Ryuu No Hirameki. Unfortunately, since he knows absolutely
nothing about Rurouni Kenshin (he doesn't even know if Ama Kakeru Ryuu No
Hirameki is the name of the attack or just a random thing they yell when
they execute it) and there's a shigging fritload of information about it on
Anipike, he doesn't even know where to start looking. After a few minutes,
he gives up and decides to rely on his favorite dumb luck approach to
defence.
Back on the island, he reassumes command of 'his' body the instant he
left. Michael is still vanished. Harrison has no idea where the attack will
come from.
The attack happens. Knowing nothing of the attack except that it
involves a sword, that's all I can say about it. I can also say that the
attack fails miserably, because Michael's Sakaba blade melted from the heat
of the lightning which, as we all know, is four times hotter than the
surface of the sun. Michael looks disappointed.
Harrison sighs. "Okay. You do something I've never heard of, I'll do
something you've never heard of. At least, I doubt you've ever heard of this
one. Ever seen 'Unico'?"
Moving very, very fast, a sphere of swirling, flashing colors flys from
beyond the horizon and bobs around for a few seconds between Michael and
Harrison. Then it turns into a swirling, flashing cube, then a tetrahedron,
then a sphere again, and then it pops, revealing a smaller dark blue sphere.
After a moment, the sphere turns to reveal a pale, T-shaped face with
bulging eyes and two little pale hands, and Michael sees that the dark blue
is a robe of some description. The thing's hands are segmented, with
jointed, hollow tubes for fingers.
The thing's left eye bugs out. "Toby... Toooby..." it says. Then its
eyes fall upon the still cowering Slayers cast. The left eye retracts and
the right eye bugs. Then they both bug. Then they both retract. "Ah,
people." the thing says. "I need a few more bricks..." Energy arcs from the
thing's hollow fingers and strikes the Slayers cast. Within seconds, they
have become vaguely humanoid stone slabs.
"HARRISON!" the Queen's voice thunders from somewhere. Harrison
flinches.
"They'll turn back when Koruku dies!" he says. "If Michael doesn't do
it, I will, when this is over!"
Hearing his voice, Koruku turns (not really turns - the face and hands
seem to slide along the surface of the robe) to look at him. Having no
desire to become a Living Puppet, Harrison quickly runs around Koruku,
making sure he is on the non-face side at all times. Koruku's gaze falls on
Michael.
'I feel I should mention, but not out loud,' thinks Harrison, 'that
while Koruku CAN be hurt, hurting him - in any way, mentally or physically -
will make him more powerful.'
"You..." wheezes Koruku as it stares at Michael, "would make a LOVELY
Living Puppet. No, a toy... I need some more toys... You would make a LOVELY
action figure..."
*****
"You really think so? I could imagine being in a real anime, or on
t-shirts and cels, but a figure? Oh boy, I'm getting goosebumps just at the
thought. The demand for it would be incredible..."
"Michael likes toys?" says Gourrigan. Koruku and Michael both reply,
"HEY! THEY'RE NOT TOYS, THEY'RE ACTION FIGURES!!!"
Blink-blink. Michael turns his attention back to Koruku, and continue
their discussion. "You like figures too?" Koruku nods. "Well whaddaya
know," says Mike, "It just so happens that I brought a whole trunk load of
figures with me. Do you wanna see?" Koruku nods, and Michael runs into the
men's hut. He returns with a gothic-looking trunk which reads 'Xellos'
Trunk o' Tricks', and puts it down in front of Koruku. "It's all in there.
Take a look and see for yourself."
Koruku excitedly opens the trunk, and gets blasted with a photon cannon
blast. It doesn't phase the bugger, but it makes him extremely pissed. He
huffs and puffs while Michael walks to the trunk and pulls out some kind of
gun. Finally, Michael speaks, "Oops. I forgot about the security system.
Silly me. I'm sure there are no hard feelings, right?"
Koruku replies, "Oh, none at all. Can I make you into a figure now?"
"No, I don't want to be the figure. I think you should be the figure."
"Huh?" Michael points the blaster at Koruku and shoots him point blank
in the face. A big pulse of light flashes, and Koruku is gone. In his
place, a minature resin model of Koruku is there instead. Michael picks up
the model and tosses it into the hole, thus sending it to the watery depths
below. "What the hell did you do?" asked Harrison.
"This here is a modified version of the ACME plot device that my sister
made in one of my fics. I destroyed it of course, but it seems that
everything ends up in Xellos' Trunk o' Tricks, so I figured it was worth a
shot. Now where was I... oh yes, I was shooting things and turning them
into otaku merchandise." Michael fires the blaster at the Staff of Moses,
turning it into a plastic keychain. He then fires at Harrison's carpet,
turning it into a vehicle accessory. Nextly, he shoots at Rei, turning her
into a plushie. The plushie falls off EVA 00 and into Michael's hand. "My
friend Billy is going to love it when I give him this plushie," says Mike,
"He's a big EVA fan. Now for unit 00." Michael reaches back into the trunk
and
pulls out his repaired trademark staff. He points it at EVA 00, and
concentrates. Soon, the EVA is back to it's berzerking ways. "00! Destroy
that bloody angel and save Tokyo 3!" EVA 00 looks at Harrison, and strikes
with the Lance de Longinus.
*****
Harrison gives Michael an odd look. "That was unnecessary. Rei was a
noncombatant. You could have asked her to get off Unit 00. You know, that
was the first time anyone's ever agreed to go out with me."
He thought for a moment, then adds, "And I can't afford another Game
Boy. And I needed that photocopied story for class tommorrow."
Unit 00 brings the Lance down on Harrison's head. The Lance shatters.
Several large pieces of shrapnel impale Unit 00. It stumbles backwards and
falls off the island. Harrison doesn't seem to notice. He bends down, picks
up the Staff of Moses Limited Edition Key Chain, pulls the keychain bit off
with his teeth and throws the tiny plastic staff at Michael. He brushes it
aside with the plot device gun, which falls apart on contact with the Staff.
Harrison holds out his hand, and the Staff flies back into it. Try as he
might, he can't get it to reassume its normal size and power. Sighing, he
tucks it back into his backpack. "I'll fix it later."
He turns to Michael. To the latter's surprise, the former is smiling.
"You didn't KILL Koruku," he says, gesturing to the Slayers cast, who are
still all Living Puppets. (So how could Gourrigan ask if Michael liked toys?
Who cares?) "And I don't think you'll find his resin figure in the ocean."
Harrison spreads his fingers, and thin, glowing wires appear on the end
of each of then. He starts making hand motions, you know, the sort that
puppeteers make when they have marionettes on their hands.
Twenty feet away, the Living Puppets get up and begin to march towards
Michael. To his horror, he realizes he can recognize them. Or, some of them.
The vaguely humanoid slab that was Naga had a noticable bulge in front. They
all appeared to be made of marble, but one was blotchy and bumpy in
places... must be Zel. They all had little cut-out faces, square eyes and
mouth, but Xellos' had two slits and a semicircle. Firia had a stone tail.
And so on and so on.
"Careful, Mike!" says Harrison. "They break easy!" He grabs the plushie
out of Michael's hand. "I'll take that, thank you very much."
*****
Michael takes a step back as the wierd looking stone slabs come toward
him. "Good grief," he says,"If I didn't know any better, I'd think I was
in Star Trek V." Michael flashes a sly grin, and charges the stones. He's
crazy, Harrison thinks. Just as he thinks that, Michael flips over the
statues, thus putting him at the advantage. He places mutiple Raywing
spells around his friends, and then sends them off far from the island.
"Very clever Michael, but you have yet to break Koruku's spell."
"Oh, I haven't forgotten about that." Michael summons forth the trunk,
and he reaches in. He pulls out to objects: The Koruku model he threw in
the ocean minutes earlier, and some kind of detonator. He straps the
detonator to the model, programs something into the detonator, places it in
front of Harrison, and smiles. He picks up the trunk, and jumps off the
hole in a blinding flash. The detonator goes off. Another flash of light
pulse out, and Rei is back to her normal self. "Well whaddaya know," says
Harrison, "The jerk really cares." Then he hears the distinct noise of
wheezing. He looks up to see that Koruku is also back to his old self too,
and the one he's looking at is Harrison. He then looks around and realizes
that Michael or the rest of the cast is nowhere in sight. "SHIT," he
screams, "That clever S.O.B.!"
"Toy...." wheezes Koruku.
To Be Continued....
Part
3