Harrison zips around and around Koruku, skillfully dodging the Living
Puppet-ifier energy bolts (it can be done for about fifteen seconds at best)
and spiralling in closer to the mad marionette. When he's close enough, he
reaches into his bathrobe pocket (he's wearing a bathrobe over his clothing,
sorry for not mentioning it sooner) and produces a slice of Funky Fruit,
which he crams into Koruku's mouth.
Koruku gets a very dazed, happy expression on his face, then pops. A
thin, wooden skeleton falls to the ground. A few moments later, a little
girl in a pink dress runs up and hugs it.
"What was that about?" asks Michael, reappearing.
"Well, in 'Unico,' what kept Koruku alive was his all- encompassing
hate for mankind. And I am given to understand that you simply can't stay
angry under the influence of Funky Fruit. When Koruku ceased to be angry and
hateful, he died. I would have used a more 'realistic' form of
anti-agression drug, but I couldn't think of the name of one off the top of
my head." Harrison kicks the little girl, and she runs off with the wooden
marionette skeleton. "Besides, I felt that it would be better to use native
materials." He turns to face Michael. Sparks begin to crackle from his hair.
His eyes are glowing. "And now..."
"I SEE IT!!!"
Harrison and Michael both, well, they do something between a twitch and
a facefault. They look over at where Rei, after being de-plushied, had
quietly gone back to reading "Echoes." Now she was standing in a highly
Amelia-esque pose, with tears streaming down her cheeks.
"I understand it now!" she said, gesturing with the photocopy of the
story. Then she makes an obscene gesture involving elbows. "*umph* this, Mr.
High-an-Mighty Gendo Ikari! Just because I was made to pilot an Eva doesn't
mean that's my sole purpose in life!"
"WHAT is she going on about?" asks Michael.
Harrison smiles. "Well, 'Echoes' is a story about a genetically
engineered girl who believes that, since she was made to be a good piano
player, she has to be a musician. The story is about how watching ghosts of
alternate versions of herself teaches her that she doesn't have to be ONLY
what she was designed to be. I thought Rei might appreciate the idea."
Michael nods. "I can see how that could be relevent." He clears his
throat. "Of course, now that you've destroyed Unit 00..."
"Now that you've destroyed Unit 00, I'm freed from my burden!"
rhapsodizes Rei. "I don't need a purpose laid out for me! I'm free to decide
my own destiny!"
"Ahem." says Gendo Ikari. He stands menacingly about thirty feet away.
Behind him are some heavily armed thugs in NERV uniforms. "I heard that
someone here has corrupted one of my pilots."
Harrison points to Michael. "He did it."
"Hmph." says Ikari. Harrison transits himself and Rei to the other side
of the clearing, well out of the line of fire. The NERV goons level their
weapons at Michael.
"We still on for dinner?" asks Harrison.
"Sure. Why not?" replies Rei.
The NERV guys open fire.
*****
Michael smiles as the bullets begin to ricochet off his barrier
(remember Harrison, I pulled it out earlier). Many were mowed down by their
own bullets, while the rest stopped firing, fearing being killed as well.
Gendo and his group get down on the ground and surrender. Michael picks up
Gendo from the floor and talks to him. "Look, I know you're upset that Rei
isn't the same clone we all used to know. Fortunately there's a solution."
Michael pulls out a pair of scissors and cuts a lock of Rei's hair. He
continues, "If you head 2 miles in that direction, you'll find a duplication
machine in a grove somewhere. Take this hair and make another clone of Rei,
okay?"
"Um, okay." Gendo and the remainder of his squad get up and head into
the forest. Harrison grins and says, "Nice job Michael. I don't think I
could've done it any better."
"Thanks," he replies. Michael turns around to see the castaways coming
back in the Raywings he made for them.
"So shall we continue what we started?" says Harrison.
"Sure, but first..." Michael uses quick speed to snatch the keychain of
Moses from Harrison, and tosses it down the hole. He then instructs Xellos
to open up a dimensional pocket. He does, and Michael throws the 'Trunk o'
Tricks' into the pocket. "There," he says,"No more tricks, just honest
fighting."
Harrison replies, "Sure, I'm game." Harrison stands up, and gets
himself into a fighting stance. "Your move," he says.
"Alright. ARA KAKERU RYUU NO HIRAMEKI!!!" Michael begins to power up,
but Harrison laughs. "Michael, what good is that move going to do for you,"
asks Harrison, "you don't have a sword remember?"
"I don't need a sword to execute this move, only you'll wish I did have
one. This is going to hurt a lot more. AHHHHHH (battle cry) !!! Michael
disappears to yet again execute the succession technique.
*****
'I still have no idea how this attack works.' thinks Harrison. 'And
does 'no more tricks' mean I can't use weapons or that I can't use my
standard 'make the enemy's attack screw up in some random manner' or what?'
"Hold on! Hold on! Time out!" yells Harrison. Michael reappears right
in front of him.
"What?" asks Michael.
"Define 'no more tricks' can I use weapons, can I use narrative
techniques, or can I just punch at you or what?"
Michael thinks for a second. "Uh... just physical attacks."
Harrison slumps. "So we're reducing this to the level of a fighting
game."
"I, uh, guess so." says Michael.
"Right." says Harrison. "Well, the old ways are best. HADOUKEN!" and he
fireballs Michael a good twenty feet back.
Michael climbs to his feet and shakes his head to shoo away the little
birdies. He looks up to see Harrison surrounded by a red aura. Behind him,
the Slayers cast are staring at his back.
Gourrigan asks, "Hey, what's that written on the back of his bathrobe?"
Lina squints. "It's 'shin,' the character for... for something
significant, I forget."
Michael reassumes his fighting stance and charges at Harrison, who
smiles and begins to levitate quickly towards him, babbling. "Raging
Demon! Instant Hell Murder! Shun Goku Satsu! BWA HA HA HA HA!"
*****
Michael pleasantly smiles at the oncoming Harrison, and then steps to
the side allowing Harrison to pass him. During the pass, Michael sticks out
his foot, causing Harrison to trip and skid to the ground. He immeadiately
flips off the ground and executes another Hadouken. Michael flashes the
most evil grin he ever has, and smacks the Hadouken away like he would a
mosquito. Harrison's jaw drops. As Michael continues to grin, he pulls out
some kind of ear muff with an eyepiece attached to it, and sticks it to his
head. The eyepiece begins to make a random assortment of low and
high-pitched beeps, before it finally stops. Michael's grin gets even scarier. "My my, I'm
rather impressed," he says,"That's a nice power you have there Harrison. I
wouldn't expect anything less of someone who knows Shen Long's and Gem's
techniques. But you'll have put in a lot more effort than that defeat me."
Michael's expression changes from slightly pleasant to a damn near
insane look. He tosses the scouter to Harrison and says,"You see, I've been
holding back. After the little bout with my sister, I learned that I had to
be more prepared for extreme situations. So when I finally got back around
to using my laptop, I upgraded my 'character' profile. That flash of light
earlier was me accessing the power I needed."
"You're bullshitting," says Harrison.
"I assure you, I'm not. Go ahead. Take a true look at my power. All
you have to do is turn the scouter on." Harrison does as asked, and turns
it on. "Thank you so much Harrison. But before we begin, Sylphiel!!"
"Yeah Mike?"
"I need you to cast a recovery spell on the entire island, and keep that
spell running for a good 3 minutes. Can you do that?"
"I'll try."
"Good." Michael flashes one more grin and powers up. A bright blue
aura begins to form around Michael. Soon, loose debris begins to float up
into the air, and explode due to the massive concentration of energy.
Michael screams, and the aura goes from blue to yellow, and so does his
hair. The robe he wears burn to shreds, and beneath it is his Saiya-jinn
armor. The scouter Harrison had put on was flashing numbers like lightning.
Realizing what he was about to face, he takes another step back, hoping it
can make all the difference. "Now," says Mike,"Let me show you a real
fireball, Super Saiya-jinn style!!! AHHHHH!!!! (another battle cry)" The
scouter responds to the next power surge by making a high pitch noise and
exploding, which becomes Michael's cue. In an instant, he's right in front
of Harrison, squarely elbowing him in the center of his face. He then does
a couple of well placed kicks and punches, and then elbows him again, sending
him flying off the island. Michael preps himself in a new fighting stance
and a mass of energy begins to form in his hands.
"Kame..." The energy expands a little, and the ground beneath him
slightly begins to crumble.
"Hame..." The aura around him becomes massive, and that dramatic
Dragonball Z music starts playing.
"HAAAAA!!!!!" Michael thrusts his hands forward, releasing a massive
surge of bluish energy roughly 15 meters in diameter straight toward a dazed
Harrison.
*****
'So much for 'only physical attacks' thinks Harrison as he sees the
Kamehameha heading towards him. He quickly teleports behind Michael and
watches as the Kamehameha doesn't destroy the island, thanks to Sylphiel.
However, the energy wave caused by the Kamehamehe splattering against the
ground proves highly fatal to the few remaining trees on the island and very
nearly to Rei, except that at the last second Harrison teleports her to his
room at Warren Wilson College to await the end of the battle, where she soon
gets bored and goes through the picture collection on his computer. It's
anyone's guess whether she'll be offended or amused.
Meanwhile, Michael spins around and sees Harrison. Harrison grins for an
instant, then yells "YAA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA
TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA!!!!"
and punches Michael once for each 'TA' very, very fast. Everything freezes for a
moment, and a voice from nowhere yells:
"The Hundred-Crack Fist Of The North Star!!"
Harrison grins at Michael. He holds up his hand. "You have five seconds
to live."
He curls his fingers one by one, counting down until Michael's body
splatters itself all over the landscape.
*****
All watch in horror as Michael splatters into hundreds of tiny pieces.
An eyeball lands next to Firia, who jumps back in startled manner. She
looks at her comrades, who look at her. All nod, and start casting their
deadliest moves. "Harry," yells Lina,"YOU PUSHED US TOO FAR!!!"
"Eeeep!!!" yells Harrison. Just as all prepare to fire, a small "Ki"
blast whizzes by, stopping the hubub. All look to see a girl in a purple
sailor scout fuku hovering above the ground. Next to her is-
"NO WAY," screams Harrison, "HOW IS IT POSSIBLE???" All look up to see
none other than Michael the Red Priest standing next to his sister, but
there's something different about him. He has a halo around his head.
"What the hell are you guys doing?" asks, Michael. Gourrigan replies, "Um,
we're fighting the guest writer."
"What on earth for?"
"Because he's nearly destroyed the entire island and he killed you."
"That's nonsense," replied Michael,"you of all people should know that I
died almost a month ago. By the way, have you seen my copy?"
"Copy? You mean the one we made for you?"
"Yeah, that one. I went him to check on him, but he wasn't there. So me
and my sister have been looking all over for him. Have you seen him?"
"Yes dear," says Firia, "There he is. And there. And over there too.
Not to mention there." Leslie nearly vomits at the sight. Michael flinches
at the sight and says, "Oooh, the hundred hands of the Fist of the
Northstar. (Looks over to Harrison) You know the technique?" Harrison
proudly nods.
"Wow, I guess I'd better stay clear of you. But what did he do to
provoke you into blowing him to pieces?"
"Nothing actually. I started it all."
"So you killed my copy for nothing?"
"Yep."
Michael shakes his head in shame. "Tsk, tsk," he says,"He has no
real heart. He's killed my copy and nearly destroyed the island. *Sigh* And
here I was trying to get off the violence kick. Oh well." Michael raises
his hands and begins to chant,"The land, the trees, the sky, and all living
creatures on it..."
"Huh?"
"Please, give me strength..." A small blue orb forms above Michael's
hands. "PLEASE!!! GIVE ME THE STRENGTH--TO FIGHT!!!!!" The orb instantly
quadruples the size of Michael.
"Brother? Isn't that the--"
"HOLY SHIT!!! THE GENKI-TAMA!!!" screams Harrison. The Genki-Tama is
now eight times larger from the last time we saw it. Michael throws it.
*****
Harrison contains the Genki-Tama in a stasis field. "Well, that was
anti-climactic." he comments. Then, to Michael, "So that was just your copy?
I'm impressed." He grins. "Now for the reason I came originally: I'd like to
recruit you."
Michael's jaw drops. "WHAT?"
"It was necessary to test you first, of course." Harrison snaps his
fingers and the island is back to normal. "But your copy passed with flying
colors; I don't even need to test the real you."
"Recruit me for what?" Michael asks suspiciously.
Harrison grins once again. He's really starting to get on Michael's
nerves. "I'm not sure yet. I know I'm going to take on a lot of the other
guest writers. I've already got some friends on battle.net looking for
Dathon, but as for Silver Fox and Bluefox and Sungazer and the rest... I'd
like to do them personally." He thinks for a few moments. "Although I may
spare Metamia... anyone who describes themself as a 'hormonal female otaku'
is okay with me..." He grins again, "But, in any case, I'd like your help."
"Oh, yeah." scoffs Michael. "And then what? We take out the other
writers and you bump me off at the first opportunity."
"No. Not at all. I don't betray my henchmen." Harrison says. "In any
case, you'd better decide soon." He turns the stasis field containing the
Genki-Tama around, so that it is aimed at Michael. "Hurry up and make a
choice, or this stasis field goes bye-bye."
*****
"Hmm," says Mike,"It's a very tempting offer, but I'm afraid I have to
decline. You see, I'm still bound to Demon Lord Daio's Spirit World laws--"
"That's a shame really. If you're not with me, then you're against me,
and you're one person I do not wish to compete with any longer. So long Red
Priest." The stasis field drops, and the Genki-Tama goes flying at Michael.
He pushes his sister aside, and goes Super Saiya-jinn. The Genki-Tama hits
Michael, but instead of blowing up, the Genki-Tama is absorbed into him.
Michael powers down from his SSJ level.
"How did you--"
"He who creates the Genki-Tama," says Mike,"has absolute control over
it. It wouldn't have really mattered if it hit me though. I'm dead. I
also could've broken that stasis field if with the Genki-Tama, but I then
you would've never have gotten to hear the rest of what I had to say."
"You mean you weren't done speaking yet?" asks Harrison.
"Nope. I was going to tell you that I would gladly accept your offer,
but not until after I was released from the Spirit World, which I'm
currently in the process of trying to do. Speaking of which, Lina, did you
find any Dragonballs yesterday?"
"Nope," replies Lina,"Aside from the one Xellos found here on the
island, we haven't found any others."
"Well, I think it's time you went searching again. And don't forget the
costumes this time."
"You can't be serious Michael."
"I am. Now, scurry along you guys, before I find some paint thinner and
wear out your colors." The castaways run into thier respectible huts, and
come out wearing outfits from Dragonball. Harrison laughs. "Michael," he
says,"You're a regular Xellos."
"You think?" Harrison nods. "Okay guys," says Michael,"Go find those
Dragonballs. I'll stay here and have a chat with Mr. Harrison here." The
castaways Raywing away, and Harrison and Michael sit down at the table.
"Okay," says Mike,"Before we negotiate, lets get some things straight:
Number 1, leave Dathon and Bluefox out of all this; they're my buds. Number
two, I'm just like the Queen when it comes to legal mumbo-jumbo, so start
signing." Michael slams down a shitload of papers in front of Harrison.
Harrison peeks over the stack and says, "Are you lawyers the same?"
"No. My lawyer works for Mozuko & Co."
"You don't mean?" Michael nods, and Harrison begins to quickly scribble
in his John Hancock on every line he can see. And so, we end this story on
a happy note. Who will Harrison bother next time, who knows?
THE END...
FOR NOW.