Sister From Hell:
Part Two
by Michael
the Red Priest
(Lina Inverse voice narration) In the last episode, Michael the Red Priest left me, sorceress supreme Lina Inverse, with the responsibility of watching his sister Leslie. But I prove just how stupid and irresponsible I am by losing her. Hey wait a minute! ‘Stupid and irresponsible’? (Stupefied look) Moi? (Looks angrily over at Michael) Mike, these lines are ridiculous!
Michael the Red Priest: Is their something wrong with them?
Lina: YES!!! Everything is wrong with them! Stupid and irresponsible? There is no way I’m going to read the rest of this!
Michael (shrugs): Okay.
He snaps his fingers, and Lina gets bowled over by an Almekia Lance. Lina’s sister, Luna, walks into the sound room and takes the headphones and script away from her unconscious sister. She signals an OK sign and starts reading the script.
Luna: And to make things worse, Leslie seems to be plotting something big. Oh, how could I be so stupid? What am I going to do now?
Michael: Annnnddd, CUT! Good job Luna!
Luna: Thanks, Mike. That was pretty fun. I could get used to this kind of work. Do you think I could replace Lina for a while?
Michael: You’d have to talk to Queenie yourself about that one Luna, but I’ll be sure to put a good word in for ya.
Luna: Okay.
Michael leaves the sound room and walks over to the village set of the studio where the where his sister is finishing getting her make-up put on.
Michael: Ready sis?
Leslie: Yep. But must you make me look so evil. Isn’t there some way we can fix some things up?
Michael: Don’t worry Leslie, I don’t think of you like that (yeah right). Alrighty then, you know what to do next. I’ll be in my trailer reviewing over my lines with Firia if anyone needs either of us. OKAY PEOPLE, LET’S MAKE US A FAN FIC! ACTION!!!
AND NOW, THE FAN FIC BEGINS
Leslie looks around to see if everything is 100% clear. When she confirms it, she pulls out a small device and pushes the button. A seedy looking group is teleported in front of her. She grins another wicked grin, and disperses the group into the forest.
Leslie: These guys don’t stand a chance. *Snicker* Revenge will be mine.
Leslie teleports herself to the office of the Queen of Swords. We find the Queen putting on make-up in an attempt to hide the black and blue that has not completely healed [M.t.R.P.: sorry Queen]. Leslie opens the door to the office, displaying an "I’m lost and all alone face". The Queen directs her attention to the newcomer.
QoS: Yes? May I help you little girl?
Leslie: Is this where the North American Sailor Moon Fan Club meeting is being held?
QoS: I’m sorry, no. But if you want, I can check with the lobby staff and find out where it is.
Leslie (grinning): Thanks. Take your time.
As the Queen reaches for the phone, she realizes something’s up.
QoS: Hey wait a minute! There’s no fan club meeting being held in this building!
Leslie: No duh.
Leslie throws three rings at the Queen which bind her arms, legs, and mouth up. Leslie then starts laughing again.
Leslie: This is just way to fun.
We change scenes to the jungle, where we find Gourrigan and Zangalus digging through the foliage with their swords.
Zangalus: Stupid brat. Because of her, I’m not at the village enjoying my time with my wife.
Gourrigan: Geez Zangalus, chill. It’s not like she meant to get lost. Is it?
Zangalus: I guess you’re right. But I wanted to challenge you to another fighting game.
Gourrigan: FOR CRYING OUT LOUD ZANGALUS!!! Let go of that already. I beat you fair and square.
Zangalus: I don’t believe that.
The two continue to argue, while an unknown figure hides in the bushes.
Shi-Shi-O: Hm, I may not get the chance to fight these guys. The may just kill each other. Damn. (In thought) I guess it’s now or never.
The figure lunges out of the bushes, and kicks the two sword slingers in the head. The two stumble up to look at their opponent. He’s wrapped from head to toe in bandages.
Gourrigan: Zolf?
Shi-Shi-O: No. I am Shi-Shi-O.
Gourrigan: Sushi-O.?
Shi-Sio: NO YOU FOOL! SHI-SHI-O! The instrument of your defeat!
Gourrigan and Zangalus look at each other, and start laughing.
Gourrigan: Oh boy, that was a good one Zolf. For a moment there, you actually--
Shi-Shi-O decks Gourrigan in the face.
Shi-Shi-O: DAMMIT, I’M NOT ZOLF! And I can prove it too, IF you fight me!
Zangalus, Gourrigan: Okay Zolf.
Shi-Shi-O: Grrr... It’s. Shi-Shi-O.
Gourrigan and Zangalus unsheathe their swords and prepare to fight. Shi-Shi-O rushes with his sword still sheathed and jumps up into the air. Zangalus and Gourrigan try to spot their opponent, but they cannot see because of the sun. Shi-Shi-O then unsheathes his sword, and bears down on the two swordsmen. Zangalus swings in defense, only to get his blade burnt to nothingness. Shi-Shi-O then promptly kicks Zangalus in the sweet spot, and bashes Gourrigan in the back of his head with the flat of his blade. Shi-Shi-O stares at the two K.O.ed fighters in disgust.
Zangalus (barely conscious): That’s definitely not Zolf.
Shi-Shi-O: Feh, I thought you guys would be more of a challenge. (Takes the Sword of Light) Interesting blade you have here Gourrigan. I think I’ll keep it.
He then pulls out something similar to what Leslie had, and the three are teleported to who-knows-where. Next we find Zelgadis and Xellos walking down a path. Xellos is bugging the hell out of Zelgadis with a joke.
Xellos: *Snicker* So the guy says, "Cruchy Bird, my ass!" HA HA HA! Funny, no?
Zelgadis: Hysterical. Look Xellos, could you put that energy to good use and help me look for Leslie?
Xellos: Okay. Party pooper.
The two continue to look around until they begin to hear what sounds like a helicopter.
Zelgadis: Did you hear that?
Xellos: Yeah. Where is that coming from?
Zelgadis: BEHIND!!!
The two turn around to see a massive double-bladed sword coming at them. Xellos starts running away, but Zel stands his ground. He brings up his arms in defense just as the blades connect with him. The sword shatters on contact, and falls to the ground.
Tesaii: You bastard! You broke my sword.
Xel and Zel look up into the trees to see a massive man made entirely of stone standing above them. The man jumps down and tackles Zelgadis, but Zel’s demon/golem strength enables him to throw the giant off. The two start wrestling each other, knocking over trees and smashing rocks.
Zelgadis: Hey Xellos!
Xellos: Yes?
Zelgadis: Could I get a hand here?!
Xellos starts applauding the chimera.
Zelgadis: Dammit, that’s not what I meant; and you know it!
Xellos: Oh geez, must I do everything?
Xellos points his staff at Tesaii and blasts his head off. The massive body falls on top of Zel, who promptly ditches him. A partly thrashed Zelgadis lurches over to Xellos, and grabs his collar.
Zelgadis: You jerk! Why didn’t you help me?
Xellos: I had a hangnail. Did you really expect me to fight with a hangnail?
Zelgaidis: THAT’S IT!
Zel is just about to punch the fruit, when a shadow even bigger than Tesaii’s looms over the two. The two scream, and their heads are knocked together by two large hands. As the two lay unconscious, the shadow shrinks drastically, and then picks up the two. Next we find Amelia and Martina at the hotsprings. Amelia is searching high and low, but Martina just lounges in the hotspring.
Amelia: Hey Martina, will you please get out of there and help me look?
Martina: You are already handling this pretty well, so why should I bother?
Amelia: BECAUSE MICHAEL WILL END OUR PITIFUL EXCUSES FOR LIVES IF WE DON’T!!!
Martina: Hehe. Good point.
She starts to climb out of the hotsprings, but a freeze arrow lands just in front of her. All look up to see not one, not two, not even three, but six Vrummegens. The six let out a volley of freeze arrows, but all miss.
Amelia: HA! His aim is even worse than it was before.
Martina: Um, no it’s not.
Amelia: What?
Martina: Look around you.
Amelia looks around to see a complete 360 degree wall of icicles. The copies quickly seize hold of the girls and teleport away. We zoom in on the funky fruit vineyard. There, we find Rezo and Sylphiel digging through the vines.
Sylphiel: Rezo, what makes you think that we can find Leslie in here?
Rezo: Oh, we didn’t come here to look for Leslie.
Sylphiel: What? What are you talking about?
Rezo: We came here for each other.
Sylphiel: Wha--hmpf!!
Rezo starts kissing Sylphiel, who continues to struggle with the Red Priest. She eventually gives in and the two stop searching. Meanwhile outside of Rezo and Sylphiel’s dream, Tomo stands above their unconcious forms with a grin of pleasure.
Tomo: That was one of the best ones yet. They don’t even realize they’re unconscious. This will make it a lot easier to transport them.
Tomo does the same teleport thing (tm) that everyone else is doing. We scan the surrounding horizon of another part of the island: everything is quiet. That is of course, until Naga laughs.
Lina: WILL YOU BE QUIET!!! Geez, how’d I get paired up with you?
Naga: OH HO HO!!! Don’t you remember? Michael re-did the script after you blew off your narration lines.
Lina: Oh yeah, that’s right.
Lina rubs the bump on her head. Stupid sis, Lina thought. Thinking all big and bad she is. We’ll see just how bad she is when I post the pics of her on the net. Lina begins to snicker. All of a sudden, a thin twine wraps around Lina’s throat and hauls her into the trees.
Lina: *Grk!* Naga, HELLLPPPP!!!
Naga gets ready to launch a fireball, but is hit by a "ki" blast. All Lina can do is sit and watch as the White Serpent is blasted into a rock face. She then feels a surge of electricity, and all goes blank.
Yorimaru: Freeza, do you have the Fish Feces?
Cyber-Freeza: Yes sir, I have her.
Yorimaru: Good.
Cyber-Freeza: Hey, I’ve got a question.
Yorimaru: And what is that Freeza?
Cyber-Freeza: I don’t get it. I’m stronger than you, I have more fighting experience, and I’m ten times crueler than you are.
Yorimaru: And your point?
Cyber-Freeza: Why the hell are you ranked above me?
Yorimaru: Because your more femme.
Cyber-Freeza: ME!! I only sound like a girl. You’re the gay guy!
Yorimaru: True, but apparently are mistress thinks differently. Now come on, let’s get moving.
The Devil of Kimon jumps down from the tree with Lina in tow. He pulls out the same device that everyone else is carrying around, and starts speaking into it.
Yorimaru: Madam, we have them.
Leslie: Excellent. And what of my dear brother and his wife?
Yorimaru: Unknown Lady Leslie, but we’ll find out soon enough.
Leslie: Alright. Come back to home base and drop off our guests. I’ll have the others take care of them.
Yorimaru: As you request, my lady.
Leslie spins her chair around to face a tall, well-built man. He has the face of a frightened child, and his jet black hair reaches the back of his waist.
Leslie: Brolly, the situation is getting Iffy. I forgot just how much info Michael really has on our men. So here’s what we’re going to do. When he arrives, I want you to take care of him, but don’t kill him. My revenge is pointless if he doesn’t live to witness it. Do you understand?
Brolly simply nods.
Leslie: Good.
The sun is now beginning to set on the island, and we see Michael the Red Priest and Firia returning home.
Michael: I’m glad that’s over.
Firia: I agree. We’re not ourselves when we argue.
Michael: Let’s hope we don’t have to do that often.
The two land in the village, only to be greeted by no one.
Michael: Hm, where is everybody?
Firia: Could they be in the dimensional gateway?
Michael: They cannot all be there. No boys allowed remember.
Firia: That’s right. Then where could they be?
Michael spots a glint of light in a shadow behind Firia.
Michael: FIRIA MOVE!!!
Firia moves just in time to avoid as Shijima’s Claw that lunges by her. Michael blocks with his staff, but the claw snares the staff. Michael struggles with the chained claw, until he finally gives up and jump kicks at the shadow. Instead of hitting the wall, he actually goes into the shadow. There’s the distinct noise of fighting, and then a scrawny-looking dark figure flies out. Michael then walks out and continues to thoroughly beat the little guy’s ass. When it seems that the figure can no longer get up, Michael grabs him by the collar.
Michael: Shijima! Where the hell are the castaways?
Shijima: You think I’d tell you?
Michael punches him in the face, breaking his nose. Firia stands in awe. She has never seen Michael this pissed before, not even when they fought Karla.
Michael: WHERE!!!
Shijima: Alright, alright!!! I’ll talk! Your sister took the Queen and all the others and locked them up at home base. You can get there with this...
He hands Michael that little device. Michael glares at him, gets up, and starts to walk away.
Shijima: Michael, wait! Could you give me a hand back to the base? I’m having some problems getting up.
Michael: Your problems end here.
Michael lifts his hand up and fires a massive "KI" blast at Shijima, Devil of Kimon, reducing him to ashes. He and Firia then walk to their hut, where Michael turns on his laptop.
Firia: Michael what are you doing? Aren’t you going to help our friends?
Michael: That’s what I’m doing.....