I TAKE NO RESPONSABILITY WHATSOEVER. NO MATTER WHAT. NONE THE CHARACTERS OR ITEMS IN THIS FANFIC ARE MINE, OR AT LEAST I WILL NEVER ADMIT TO IT IF THEY ARE!!!!!Also,. i. have. no. money. so. sueing. would. be. Pointless

A stray ray of sunlight slants into the cottage, illuminating the young, innocent features of Daisuke. Slowly, he yawns wide and stretches, in the moment between sleep and wakeing. Suddenly, he is propelled straight in to consciousness. "So, was it good for you?" The woman with EXTREMELY well endowed assests asked him. Daisuke soon became one with the roof as he realized they were both naked. "Wha-Wha-Wha, How did I, you, here, naked,.......". The woman picked up a ciggaret and lit it. she stared at him cooly for a moment and said " Oh-HOHOHOHO, I am Naga the white serpent, number one sorceress in the world, do not have to explain my actions to you." Daisuke sweatdropped. Just as Daisuke was trying to figure out why he was naked in a hut with a sorceress who was apparently insane and why this wasn't happening to Ranma or Akane, the door flew open. "Naga!" the short figure silhoutted in the sunlight admonished "You got drunk last night again and missed out on the Society For Relaxation Of Funky Fruit Laws Petition! How can we be expected to bring justice and peace to this cruel, Mazuko filled, evil ridden world of ours without everyone there! We need you, to cultivate and release young minds acrosse the globe to the funky justice of choice. But Fear Not, I will help you beat this alchoholic demon and ........... Hello, who are you?" Daisuke who had been devoting more and more of his attention on how to avoid a painful

re-unitement with the ground was shocked by this new person, and soon had his problem of re-unitement solved. Amelia (for who else could rant at Naga about justice while a naked guy clings to the roof) had noticed by now that both of them were naked, and was blushing furiously. She then noticed Daisuke's, er, youthfullness. "Naga, how could you! That, that, that boy is hardly old enough to experience that type of a relationship with you! How could you seduce him unwittingly into your lair of sex and sin. What depraved things might you have done to him! Oh, don't worry young man, I, Amelia Wil Teslune will save you and set you back on the path of rightiousness! Your secret shall remain safe, and we shall bury this occasion deep within your subconsiosness to be later revealed by a overpaid psychiatrist!" and after giving the audiance a fine example of circular breathing, Amelia froze Daisuke and everything faded to black.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Lina was crying. Earlier, Gourrigan had made another jibe about her breast size. She just didn't understand how he could be so nice one moment, and so, so callous the next. It just didn't make sense......why was she crying? Something was seriously wrong. "Wait, oh, crap" another guest writer. This one must be a serious type. She hated 'plot development'. So, after pounding Gourrigan for that "ribs stick out more" remark, she would have to find the author and hurt him.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

"Mrfghmaahfrhgmmemph-an't just freeze him and hope he will forget!" "OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHO, truly it would be sin to deprive a person of a memorable night with the white serpent!"

"B-B-B-But, he's underaged! And he doesn't even belong on the island! Or even with Slayers at all! What else was I supposed to do."

"Where's he from? Maybe he could get us off the Island!"

"Hey, Lina, I think he's waking up!"

Daisuke frantically tried to be blissfully unconcious, hopeing that these strange people would go away. He mentally groaned as the dumb blonde guy poke him with what looked like a sword hilt. " Hey, Lina, d'you think he's....dead?" The girl with red hair, who must be Lina, was preforming interesting and profound changes on the body of the guy who had asked if he was dead, when two large objects intruded into his field of vision. "Well, I see that our young friend has woken up! Are you ready to once more sample the delights of the white serpent?" Amelia started to rant about justice and cradle-robbing, when Zelgadis cut in. " I believe that you have stated your want to do that to me more than once, and you're younger than Him." "But Zelgadis-sama, our love is true love! Theirs was just a night of passionate, hot, sweaty lust, reveling in dark pleasures of each other, satisfying the cravings of the beast that lives in us all.....Whoooo, it's hot in here.". Daisuke finally worked up the nerve to speak. "Um, hi, where am I and what has just happened?" Lina looked at him and then sat down beside his bed. " I'm Lina, you're on Gourrigans Island. What just happened is what we're trying to find out." "Well, all I remember is waking up naked in bed with this 'White Snake' person." All eyes turned to Naga "Well, I don't feel that I have to explain my actions to-" Naga primly began

"This Fire Ball that is about five seconds from your face?" Lina promptly returned. Naga stared at the fireball growing in Lina's hands, and at the reflecting glint in her eyes. Finally, she gave in. "Well, the truth of the matter is, I, I don't remember. I was a little tipsy last night." Lina snorted "Yeah right, so 'tipsy' you couldn't stand up, as I recall!". Daisuke was fascinated by the fireball, seemingly forgotten by all. It grew, and grew, and grew. Oh, crap he thought. Suddenly, Xellos popped up in the room. "Fireball!". Once more, Daisuke's problem resolved itself. A much sootier Xellos came in through the front door. "Dai, baby, I've been expecting you! Let's do business!" Xellos started towards Daisuke when Lina stopped him. "Hold it Xellos, what do you know? And you better not say-" *everybody in unision* "SORE WA HIMITSU DESU!" Xellos looked hurt, then grinned and said "Well, just this once I guess."

A portal opened on the Island, and a guy wearing scruffy clothes and earplugs came through. "At last, I have escaped my tormenters, and am free to SELF-INSERT! Mwhu-hahahahaha." And saying so, he summoned his Saiyan armor and runestaff and teleported to where the gang was grilling Xellos and Dai. Or, at least he tried to and ended up walking in some semi-clean skater clothes.

"So, basically, this guy Daisuke is from another universe, but was travelling with someone named Ryoga and got lost, then found some funky fruit and Naga at the same time."

"Correct."

"Daisuke then proceeded to sleep with Naga, even though he's underaged, and the premise is completely unbelievable."

"Correct."

"And then Amelia got married to her beloved Zelgadis-sama and they had many many babies and a happy marriage. *Sigh*"

Group sweatdrop

"Who exactly is talking? With the lack of charactor attribution or reference, I can't tell who's saying what?"

"Well, seeing as the last person to speak talked about a TOTALLY NOT-GONNA-HAPPEN-SCENE, I would have to say that's Amelia, and I must be Zelgadis."

"Since I'm answering questions, I must be the guy being grilled, Xellos."

"........"

"The guy who just didn't speak must be Daisuke still in shock, and since I'm the prettiest, most intellegint-" "Flat chested" "one here, I must be.......DIE GOURRIGAN!"

" Okay, now that we've got everything all sorted out, hi, i'm the INANE AUTHOR."

Everyone in the hut turns and stares at him. Zelgadis goes over to him and starts poking him in diffirent place. "Hmmmm, rock-hard muscles, zero. Spiffy threads, nil. Magical aura......almost non-existant. You don't look like a self-insert author." The Inane Author grinned sheepishly and put a hand behind his head. "Er, well, you see, my Morals and Good Taste jumped me and took away my god complex. So when I'm here i'm just like myself in real life. No magical powers, maybe a slightly higher than average intellect, mastery of silly facial expressions, and the power to shack up Lina and......Firia *Big, lecherous evil grin* or Daisuke and Naga *Big, evil, all-knowing grin*, but other than that nothing special." The gang talked amongst themselves. Finally, Lina spoke up. "Well, the problem is, authors with god-complexes we can handle. You, you're just...wierd. We would appreciate it if you stay out of the scenes from now on." Sadly, the Inane Author hangs his head and gives them all the *Kicked puppy dog* look, and walks away. "Awww, gee, Lina, did you see how much he looked like a kicked puppy when you said that?"

" I know, Gourrigan, but it had to be done. He was just too different." And with that the gang turned their attention back to the in-shock Daisuke. All of a sudden, Lina spun around

"WAIT! We have to stop him!"

"Why, we just kicked him out." asked Zelgadis.

"You don't understand, he's a danger! He's interested in *dramatic pause* PLOT DEVELOPMENT, CONTINUITY, AND MORE SEXUAL INNUENDO THAN EVEN NAGA COULD STOMACH!" The entire gang has gone white in the face.

"That is a scary concept, more sex than Naga could stomach." Gourrigan spoke softly. The Island gang quickly stormed of in search of the author to inflect some,................persuasion. Sadly, in the rush, Gourry was left there still shocked with Xellos and Daisuke.

Somewhere, an author wept and uttered inane comments, then got out his laptop and swore revenge. At least, he would have if he had a laptop. So he had to settle for a peice of charcol and a leaf. Damn, I wish they would give me back my god complex.

*COMMERCIAL BREAK, or I WANT A BREAK FROM REAL WRITING BREAK*

At the main Hut, several men in blue oversuits walk in carrying furniture. The artfully re-arrange it around the room and start to put up track lighting. Two more men come in and put a desk and internet-connected computer by the wall. Another man plugs in a TV to a generator made up from coconut milk, twine, water and a metal pole. They stand back and admire their work then leave.

Ikea's Tibetan Furnityre Monestary (TM improfanfic), if we can update this old classic, think of what we can do to your Island Hut.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Back at the main hut, Gourrigan had come up with an idea on how to get Daisuke back home. He once saw it in a movie. "Hey, why doesn't Daisuke just tap his heels three times and say there's no place like home each time!" I never said it was a good idea. Lina would pummeled him for it, but she was attempting to find and preform unmentionable and physically-impossible-outside-of-anime feats upon my body (good luck). Then Gourrigan spoke up again. Needless to say, it was a mistake on his part.

"Why doesn't Daisuke just get on a magic carpet to fly to the potatoe king of the oompa-loompa's and beg for his freedom?". At this, the Xellos kicked him out of the hut and decided no more satalite television for Gourrigan. Finally, after long hours of thought, He found a solution. "The next time this 'Ryoga' fellow comes by, Daisuke, go with him and hopefully get home somehow. After all, he somehow does." Xellos decided. "Want a cappachino?"

"How did you get a cappachino on a deserted island?" Daisuke asked, taking the offered drink.

"Simple. I just converted my funky-fruit distillation machine into a cappachino machine" Daisuke looked over to the machine Xellos was pointing at, made somehow out of driftwood, palm fronds, and about the same number of shirts that you would take with you when you move. Daisuke decided, what the hell, and downed the coffee.

"I just hope that I remembered to clean out the funky fruit juice" Xellos mused " or this could get verrrrry interesting" The only question left was, where was Ryoga?

Author's end-note, where he tries to convince the mobs not to kill him:

Well, here's my first attempt at writing a fanfic. I tossed Dai in because I thought it would be funny. I'm still drinking too much caffiene and trying to find a god complex. Oh well. The magic carpet to fly to the potatoe king of the oompa-loompa's is a rip off of Red Dwarf. I couldn't remember who the potatoe king ruled, so I just ripped off Charlie and the Chocolate factory in turn. This is supposed to be part 1 of who knows how many. Probably only two, due to laziness in the extreme.. (Hmmmmm, I wonder what might be in Ryoga's Other hand?)