Java
by Lacewing

A shadow zipped past Xelloss' cabin. A bright cheerful ray of sunshine fell perfectly on the doorstep and the Trickster himself stepped out to the morning. He stretch athletic arms then yawned hugely. It had been a nice quiet time on the island for the cast. Other than the Queen's ZOTR, there hadn't been much call for them.

Xelloss snickered. Well there was the odd job with that new site....

How he just loved breaking in the newbies!

Xelloss glanced to his side and noticed the small ornate table and the arousing aroma of coffee coming from a freshly brewed pot.

"My, my. Where did this come from?" Never one to turn down coffee, especially free coffee, he poured himself a cup.

Then next he knew the pot was gone and he was buzzed beyond normal on caffeine.

"HOOT HOOT! Xelloss the great Trickster Priest comin' through!" he cheered and chug-a-lugged down the beach.

"What's got into him?" Zelgadis said sourly watching the loonier than usual priest do cartwheels.

"Hey!" Filia cried mournfully holding up the empty coffee pot. "Look here! He got coffee and didn't share!"

"No fair!" Gourry pouted.

Lina scowled then anything she might have said was lost in the shock when Xelloss appeared out of nowhere, spun her into the are, danced a jig with the equally surprised Amelia, then planted a huge kiss on a disgusted Filia.

"What's in that coffee!?!" Zel exclaimed claiming the pot and examining it.

"Don't know, but he's lost it!" Rezo cried trying desperately to escape the nutty trickster who spun the red priest in a tango.

Giggling the purple hair fruitcake dropped Rezo in the sand and disappeared.

"Should we be concerned." Gourry asked in a moment of rare obtuseness.

Xelloss bounced in place. Really, being a Mazoku he shouldn't have been reacting as he had to the coffee. He was feeling distinctly, ..... Odd.

Back when he had the group confused as he had that morning he should have gotten a high, or at least a buzz, from their rampaging negative emotions. Instead he felt, queasy.

So what was wrong?

Thinking at super-coffee-induced speeds he came up with an answer rather quick.

"A script spell! The coffee is part ensorcelled! Come on Queeny! What did I do to you? Didn't you like the flowers?" he shouted to the air.

"Oh, I'm sure she liked the flowers fine Xelloss." a familiar, and pissed, sounding voice said from behind him. Xelloss spun to see the curly hair girl lounging against a palm, with a pencil tucked behind her ear, petite frames perched on her nose and a note book in one hand.

Xelloss only comment was something unprintable.

Lacewing smiled Cheshire Cat-like like, "If you can find a loop hole to come bother me, then who's to say I can't do the same?" she asked sugary sweet.

"What did you DO to me?!"

"That is a secret!" she cried miming his pose. and grinned impishly.

"Oh COME ON!" the priest shouted angry, then Lacewing touched her pencil to paper and the trickster begged from his knees groveling at the young writer's feet for the answer.

"That's better!" she smiled "Not like the info going to do you any good. but the coffee was drugged. Your system is screwed up. It'll wear off on it's own in about a week."

"A week!" the priest exclaimed in horror.

"Yup. Major hyper activity, and a backwards system." she smiled widely at Xelloss discomfort.

"How backwards?" suspicion.

"OH, nothing much. You just got to feed off nice emotions for a while. Negative is just going to make you a bit ill." she shrugged.

Xelloss recoiled in horror. Feed off of GOOD emotions? Can she punish him any worse?!?

She winked, "Just think happy thoughts!" then she trotted off happily down the beach listening to a seashell even though the ocean was right there beside her.

Xelloss screamed.

"So you gotta feed off of positive emotions for a whole week?" Lina said in disbelief.

Then everyone died laughing. Xelloss mumbled in embarrassment wondering what possessed him to tell the group his problem. Likely the same cause that put him in this mess!

"Poor Mr. Xelloss!" Amelia wiped tears of mirth from her eyes clutching her sides.

"What did you do to Queen to make her this mad at you?" Gourry asked, since even he got the joke for once.

"It wasn't Queen!" Xelloss exclaimed in frustration, "It was Lacewing!"

"Lacy? She's that sweet lady that wrote that Shulla girl." Zel replied.

"Sweet my....." Xelloss muttered under his breath darkly.

"She's been treating my copy quite nicely from what I hear." Rezo told the group.

"Other than she doesn't give me a big enough part I've no complaints." Lina said, "She isn't a very demanding employer."

"I wish I was in the story, but she's promised to write me in somewhere soon." Amelia spoke up.

"What you do to her? She's such a peach." Gourry asked.

Xelloss muttered something and shuffled his feet. This wasn't lookin very good for him.

"Don't tell me you did something mean, weird, and Xelloss on her!" Zel said dangerously.

"It was only a joke?" the priest said in a tiny and frighten voice. Feeling a touch green at the sudden surge of negative emotion.

When the group was done with him he was pounded to a pulp and feeling very ill indeed.

Lacewing clutched her sides cackling. Her enjoyment of the situation knowing no bounds.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" an angry 34 year old woman closed in on the younger girl.

Lacewing looked to the Queen of Swords feeling suddenly sheepish. Oops.

"Well you see, I just thought I'd get a little bit of revenge....." she trailed off into silence under the cold stare of the older blond.

"What did Xelloss do?" she demanded.

"Tied me up, force fed me cookies, and took over my web site." she said in way of explanation.

"hmmm" the Queen hummed, then pulled a laptop from out of nowhere, "Then lets get the twerp. He's starting to get a bit too cocky."

Lacewing's smile knew no bounds and she watched over the Queen of Swords shoulder.

"So, what did you plan?" the Queen asked.

"Well, I was thinking of a we could bring in a temp character. I hired one. He's big, green and ugly. Plus he's got the happiest personality imaginable. I was thinking about hooking him up with Xel for this episode."

"That's twisted."

"Exactly."

Xelloss opened one swollen, blacken eyes to see a Giant Jolly Green vegetable coming his way. "I'm doomed," he moaned....

That's it! The end. Now go home!