The Hoowee Menace: Episode One
by Hoowee the Dark Elf

        Wandering through the jungle, Hoowee the Dark Elf grumbled under her breath about no good travelling map salesmen.
        "No wonder he's about to be fricken' closed because that Bluefox guy's outselling him, this things as clear as the plot to Gourrigan's Isle." She growled, turning the thing round the other way again to see if it made more sense. No such luck.
        "AAARRRGGG!!!" She screamed, blindly ripping the stupid map to shreds and letting it float away to land somewhere else on the island next to a 'No Littering' sign.
        Flopping down onto the ground Hoowee groaned something unintelligible then sat up with a look of pure determination on her face.
        "Okay, so I'm lost. Big deal. Use your power* you stupid nerf herder." she mumbled, bopping herself on the head for being so stupid.
        ( * Hoowee's Power = Whatever she writes becomes the most probable future. You can change it through your own actions. 'Always in motion is the future' Quote Yoda. In other words, not that much different to every other guest authors powers.)
        Pulling out her laptop (the one that hadn't been stolen when her house got broken into before Christmas) she opened it up and let it float in front of her for a second or two, waiting for it to load up.
        "Umm... " She thought out loud, wincing slightly as she rubbed the bump on her head that her stupidity had brought her.
        "Monkey!" screamed out the speaker on her laptop, signalling that all systems were go.
        Leaning forward, Hoowee started typing.
        '... Zelgadis, being really depressed, as per usual, decided to take a walk alone through the forest... '
    *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *
        In the Castaways Village...
        Gourrigan seemed to be having a little problem. "Hello! Lina! Where are you Lina?!"
        Picking up a folding chair he looked under it, just in case Lina happened to be hiding there.
        "Gourrigan, what are you doing?" a cranky voice asked.
        "Lina!" Gourrigan cried out in joy, dropping the chair as he spun around just in time to see the red haired sorceress step out of the shade of her hut into the mid-day sun, her eyes blinking rapidly, trying to adjust to the much brighter light.
        VOOM.
        Lina looked down to see the big swordsman hugging her about the waist and raised an eyebrow.
        "Gourrigan, what's going on?" She asked in a sickeningly sweet voice, batting her eyelashes at him.
        "Gulp... well... um... no one... "
        "SPIT IT OUT!!" she screamed in Gourrigan's face, grabbing him by the shirtfront and shaking him till his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed in a heap at Lina's feet.
        "Oh gee Gourrigan..." Lina sighed, looking down at the unconscience swordsman. Maybe she should be nicer to him... Nah.
        Shading her eyes from the sun Lina scanned the area in front of the huts, finding it to be quite deserted. Frowning slightly she searched her memory to see if there was supposed to be a guest writer this week. Nope. As far as she could remember the schedule was free time for the castaways with nary a peep out of any of the regular Gourrigan writers and no one new approaching the QOS.
        Reaching down and grabbing onto Gourrigan's arm Lina started walking down towards the beach dragging him behind her and grumbling to herself.
        "They better not have found any funky-fruit and decided not to share it with me!"
    *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *
        Zelgadis continued walking through the forest, his head bowed in depressed thought when a light tapping sound intruded. Lifting his head up he frowned and concentrated on the tap, tap, tap noise that continued.
        'What... ?' He thought, softly moving towards the noise. 'Is Xellos up to something again?'
        Then he had another thought which made him turn slightly green. What if it was Martina and Zangulus doing something kinky...? "Yuck." He said, turning away. If it was, he didn't want to know about it and the tapping could just continue on it's own little way.
        "Oh just hurry up you elephant!"
        Standing up straight Zelgadis looked over his shoulder towards where the shout had come from, surprise showing on his face. That definitely hadn't been anyone he knew.
        Stepping over a log in the direction that the elephant insult had come from Zelgadis pushed back a tree branch and peered about a small clearing.
        Sitting smack bang in the middle of the um... well... clearing, was a blonde, elfin girl wearing a long, sleeveless trench coat staring off into the trees away from Zelgadis, angrily tapping her fingers against the top of a... floating laptop?
        Zelgadis groaned softly to himself. Just what he needed, another damn guest writer. Maybe if he just quietly sneaked away she wouldn't notice and he could save everyone on the island from being put through some ridiculous story or cross-over or whatever... again.
        Stepping backwards he started his retreat, but just at that moment, Hoowee, (for it was none other then she) chanced a look down at her laptop, gave a small cry of surprise and whipped her body around to stare straight at the blue Chimera yelling out "I see you there!" doing quite a good impression of Happosai from the first Ranma 1/2 movie.
        'Damn.' thought Zelgadis, moving back into plain view, his cover being blown.
        "What took you so long?" Hoowee huffed, hands on hips. (Say that ten times fast. ^.^ v )
        Zelgadis crossed his arms and stared back at her. "I wasn't aware that I was to be your guide." He said, taking in Hoowee's clothes. Aside from the trench coat she was wearing a pair of dark green cargoes, a long sleeved grey leotard that had to be laced up the front and a pair of very heavy army boots. Holding her long, blonde hair off of her face was a thick leather band with a large red jewel placed in the centre and around her throat rested a bronze collar with three more red jewels embedded into it in the shape of a triangle.
        "You know, I'm thinking a really cliched line right now about taking photos." Hoowee said, crossing her own arms in imitation of Zelgadis.
        Zelgadis blushed a bit, but kept up his stare. If it was one thing that Gourrigan's Isle didn't need it was anymore guest authors, it was hard enough trying to keep track of all of them as it was.
        Sighing in frustration, Hoowee dropped her hands to her sides in defeat. "Okay, we've sort've gotten of to a bad start here which isn't what I'd planned. How about we start over. I'm Hoowee the Dark Elf, this weeks guest writer." She smiled tentatively.
        "I thought dark elves had dark hair." Zelgadis said, keeping his arms firmly folded.
        "Not in this day and age they don't." Hoowee smiled, trying extra hard not to poke her tongue out at him.
        Zelgadis said nothing.
        Hoowee started to fidget.
        Grabbing her laptop from where it was floating, Hoowee shut it and then pressed a small button on the side. "My cloud!" came a tiny shout from the laptop, accompanied by a faint whirring sound as it shrunk down to the size of a disk. Looking away from Zelgadis, she fiddled with one of the side pockets on her cargoes, eventually getting it undone and slipping her mini floating laptop into it.
        "What's the plot?"
        Hoowee looked around to see Zelgadis still staring at her.
        "The plot? Well... there isn't one yet, not really. I thought I'd discuss it with you guys first. I mean, it seems more polite then just dumping something on you." Hoowee answered, hoping that being polite with Zelgadis might get her further then trying to be authoritative had.
        That didn't seem to make sense to Zelgadis. Usually if a guest author was alone somewhere secluded it ment that they were up to something. Creating some wonderful monster or menace or just planning something kinky to throw at the islands occupants. "If there's no plot and you planned on discussing one with us why then are you out her in the middle of the island?"
        "Umm... I sort of... got lost. So I bought a map... but it turned out to be pure gibberish. Then I thought 'Hey! I can just write that one of the castaways finds me!'... but you were supposed to be here about an hour ago and turn up from the other direction." Hoowee said, pointing in the direction she had first been looking when Zelgadis had shown up.
        "I should have known." he said out loud. "Ever since the QOS put us here something like this just has to happen."
        "Actually I thought the Queen of Swords was a bit nasty to just dump you all out here without asking first, and then if you don't do what she wants she threatens you with a yaoi fic. Isn't that blackmail?" Hoowee put forth.
        Zelgadis gulped worriedly and looked around, waiting for the QOS to show up and threaten to sue Hoowee for daring to say she was a nasty pervert.
        "Ugh. Some of the depraved stuff that goes on on Gourrigan's is really disgusting. I was really surprised at some people for taking part in it. I mean that girl who... yuck." Hoowee shuddered, not noticing Zelgadis's frantic attempts to get her to stop before it was too late.
        Zelgadis on the other hand seemed to notice that there was no booming thunder, no hissing streams of smoke, no hell pit opening up in front of them ready to devour such blasphemers.
        'This is odd. We should of at least have been fireballed by now.' he thought in confusion.
        "Anyway... " continued Hoowee, "Just where is this village?"
        Zelgadis shook himself and then frowned. "You don't know?"
        The elf sighed a long put upon sigh. "If I did I wouldn't be lost. It's so depressing." she sighed again, reaching up to touch her collar, drawing Zelgadis's attention to it.
        "Why are you wearing a collar?"
        "Umm... that has to do with this guy called Colvin." Hoowee said a bit sadly, running her fingers over the collar.
        "Colvin?" Zelgadis asked, curious as to who would enslave a dark elf.
        "Yup. And if you want to know anymore you'll have to read my Inu Yasha fanfic over on Ikumi's site! (Inu Yasha Fan Fiction.) It's called 'Vampyre'!" Hoowee grinned wickedly. (Shameless plug. ^.^ v )
        Zelgadis brought his hand up to his eyes and sighed. He should have known that the answer would've been something like that. Hoowee didn't notice his reaction. She was too busy looking back the way Zelgadis had come, trying to figure out if that was the way to the castaway's village.
        "I'm sorry if I sound a bit rude, but do you think we could go to the village now? I do have a fic to write."
        Zelgadis frowned slightly but decided to give the dark elf girl a chance. How on Earth she had gotten away with insulting the QOS he didn't know, but if she was the guest author... well at least she was asking first.
        Nodding in acceptance, Zelgadis started to lead Hoowee the Dark Elf back to the Castaways village.
    *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *
        Rezo the Red Priest was enjoying laying in the sun on the beach trying to get a tan in his new P-Chan speedos (Plot hole's DO come in handy when you want a new wardrobe.) when he felt a shadow cross his body.
        "Okay priest, where is everybody?" Lina demanded, coming to a stop a few steps to Rezo's right, dropping Gourrigan to the ground so she could cross her arms and glare properly at the priest.
        "I do not know what you are talking about Lina." Rezo replied casually, standing up so he could face the irate sorceress.
        "Yeah right." Lina snorted. Hearing a slight noise behind her she glanced back to see Gourrigan woozily getting to his feet, one hand rubbing his forehead the other resting on the hilt of his sword. "Don't worry Lina. If he try's anything... " Gourrigan made a show of moving his hand from resting on the hilt to grasping it to finish off his sentence.
        'Typical Gourrigan. Expecting to be able to beat someone like Rezo in a physical battle.' Lina sighed, then turned back to Rezo again. "Look, we aren't supposed to have a guest fic writer this week and Xellos has disappeared as well, so that leaves... Oh wow... you."
        "It also leaves that girl who's just arrived with Zelgadis." Rezo replied, giving a small nod to Lina's left to indicate the new arrivals. Lina turned her head
        "Hey! How did you know that?! You're blind!" Lina spun round to question the P-Chan speedo wearing Priest but in answer, he just smiled mysteriously.
        'Oooh, he's creepy when he does that.' Lina shuddered.
*    *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *
        Hoowee, being all set to start her marvellous fic, ran down the beach so she could introduce herself to her cast, leaving Zelgadis to catch up with her.
        "Hi! I'm Hoowee the Dark Elf, this weeks guest writer! Pleased to meet you!" She chirped.
        "Well where is everybody." Lina demanded. She could tell already that she did not like this Hoowee the Dark Elf one single bit. She was way too cheery.
        "Hmm... what? Oh, I sent all the characters that I know nothing about off to that resort thingie that I kept reading about in         Zelgadis on the Road." Hoowee blinked, not expecting to get such a rude welcome already. She hadn't even done anything truly nasty yet.
        Lina, Gourrigan, Rezo and Zelgadis shared an 'Oh really?' look, then moving in sync, lined up like a firing squad in front of          Hoowee who had begun to frown in fright.
        "O-okay. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? I've only read up to chapter Seven." She started to protest against the looks of doom she was getting from the rest of the cast.
        "We're not telling. It's a secret." Rezo told her in his best scary voice.
        "Hey! Isn't that a Xellos line?" Hoowee asked, brow wrinkling in thought.
        Zelgadis and Rezo shared a look and Lina raised an eyebrow at Hoowee.
        "What kind of Gourrigan's Isle guest author are you if you don't know about that?" she asked the nervy elf, leaning in closer to give her the evil eye, voice dripping in sarcasm.
        "Yikes!" Squeaked Hoowee, dancing back away from red-haired terror. "Well I've only seen the first two Slayers video's.          Everything else that I know is from someone else's fic." She tried to explain, the words verbally spewing from her mouth in a rush.
        'Something's not right here.' Zelgadis thought, watching Hoowee unbutton her cargo pants pocket and bring out her mini floating laptop to set up, giving the four Slayers cast members a rather strained smile. 'This Dark Elf girl is on edge about something... has been since I found her. So what's going on?'
        "Umm... 'kay, so what kind of plot do you guys want to use?" Hoowee asked, fingers poised above the keys on her laptop.
        "Hey! Can you get us some half-naked, gyrating native dancing girls?" Gourrigan suddenly asked, a big dumb grin plastered to his face.
        Standing beside him, Lina clenched her fist, promising herself that she would not hit Gourrigan again. Gourrigan, of course, didn't notice.
        "It would be really nice if you could what with Lina being so flat-chested and... OW!! Gee Lina, what was that for?" He asked the sorceress, rubbing his head where a lump was coming up.
        Hoowee watched the entire exchange in confusion, then just put it down to the two being freaks.
        Zelgadis on the other hand had finally been able to put his finger on what had been annoying him ever since he'd found the lost elf.
        "Doesn't QOS normally give guest authors some basic knowledge of the island so they DON'T get lost?" He asked Rezo in mock ignorance. (QOS: Nope, they're on their own.)
        "Why I do believe you are right my grandson/great-grandson. She usually does prepare guest authors somewhat."
'Uh-Oh' thought Hoowee. 'I'm getting twin looks of doom from a Chimera and a guy wearing P-Chan speedos. This was NOT supposed to happen.'
        Lina stopped her pounding of Gourrigan long enough to add her five cents worth. "There isn't a guest author scheduled."
        "There isn't?" Gourrigan managed to ask before Lina started to beat him up again.
        "... T-there isn't?... " Hoowee stuttered, swallowing hard.
        "Hey! How did you get this job?!"
        Standing before the gazes of three powerful magic users and one tall swordsman Hoowee the Dark Elf started to tremble.
    *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *
        Somewhere on the other side of the island in one of those really good hiding places that are always so conveniently handy when you want one...
        "MMMPPHHH!!! *%@#$!!!"
        The Queen of Swords was not impressed. In fact it would be a fair judgement to say that she was down right pissed. But being kidnapped, tightly tied to a chair and having dirty old rags stuffed in your mouth could do that to anyone.
        Lounging in a comfy green chair on the other side of the impressively dark and evil looking cave a girl looked over to her captive with a grin on her face.
        "Really Queenie, such bad language! You keep that up and I might just have to do... THIS!!"
        Jumping out of her seat she struck a pose while all around her soft, sugar pink light filled the cave and yellow and blue bubbles floated through the air on a warm breeze, gently shifting the girls white fringe out of her blue eyes and in the background a disgustingly soppy magical girl theme music started to play.
        "MMGGGPHHRRR!!!" The QOS tried to scream through all the rags stuffed in her mouth, her eyes wide in horror at what was happening in front of her.
        Bringing both hands down her sides the girl floated up from the ground and did a slow pirouette whispering softly, (but still managing to get it to echo around the cave) "Bob... Sight... TELEPORT!"*
        (* Sailor Bob's Power = Something much cooler then Hoowee's. If she's seen it she can teleport it.)
        The soft breeze that had been ruffling through the girls brown and white hair suddenly picked up into a small tornado and blew all the multicoloured bubbles around the girl in a swirl. Bringing her hands up to chest height a blazing star appeared between them, growing brighter and brighter until the QOS had to close her eyes to keep from being blinded.
        "I am Sailor Bob, of the lost planet of Bob, and by the power of Bob I shall punish you for that extremely foul language!"
        Opening her eyes shook her head in disbelief, hoping that everything would disappear, preferably into some lovely black hole where it could never get out of again.
        Stalking her, Sailor Bob laughed softly, holding out the weapons she had conjured in front of her. A toothbrush and a bar of soap.
        Finally managing to spit out all the old rags and... ew, was that a used hanky?... never mind... that had kept her gagged, the Queen of Swords snarled at her approaching adversary.
        "I'll sue your ass off, you pitiful excuse for a magical girl! Just wait till I..." QOS half shrieked in rage, her threats cut off by Bob as the magical girl put her weapons to use and started vigorously washing the Queen of Swords mouth out with lilac scented soap.
        "Ku ku ku ku ku! I'm not the one writing this fic so therefore I'm not liable for my actions!!" Sailor Bob laughed maniacally, her theme music doing something suitably evil and dark in the background.
        Spitting out the soapy suds QOS screwed up her face in disgust.
        "Blagh! Disgusting." she said, trying hard not too swallow any of the vile tasting stuff.
        "Ooh, it's so much fun to be evil!" Bob giggled insanely to herself.
        "You're not even dressed like a fricken' magical girl!" QOS snorted in disgust at Bob's fashion sense.
        "Hey! I like what I'm wearing!" Bob protested, pouting tearfully and smoothing down her baggy, button up jeans and untwisting her tank top, not that it particularly needed untwisting. "Besides, you have to be like pencil thin and have a strange fetish for bows to wear those stupid costumes... and my butt is my own not some fan service device for sick pervos."
        Suddenly Sailor Bob's tear's were interrupted by a curious flushing sound in the background.
        "Queenie! Queenie! Printh Diamond fluthed himthelf down the toilet again!" Diagonal Crotch Girl squealed, bouncing across the room from the toilet to the QOS's lap, grabbing the queens only ray of light during the dark hours that had followed her kidnapping.
        "Who the hell are you?! And give me back my Xellos plushie." QOS demanded, rocking back in her chair to get away from the hyperactive kiddie who had snuggled up with the Xellos plushie, half wiping her runny nose on it.
        "Gwak! Don't do that! Don't do THAT! um... um... OH! I wish, I wish, I wish the goblins would come and take you away, RIGHT NOW!"
        "NO!" Bob shrieked in horror, grabbing Diagonal Crotch Girl of the QOS's lap in one swinging movement. "No evil David Bowie references! No getting rid of my four year old sister... or maybe... " Bob grinned evily and put Diagonal Crotch girl back on the QOS's lap, patting her little sister gently on the head.
    *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *
        Back at the beach...
        Hoowee the Dark Elf was trying to make a run for it. The only problem was that she had to keep dodging fireballs, flare arrows and other things that she couldn't name because of her ignorance of the Slayers terminology for magical attacks, so she wasn't really getting that far.
        Jumping to the left to try and get out of the way of Gourrigan's sword she rammed into, then bounced off of some strange object to land on her butt in the sand.
        "OHO HO HO HO HO!!" came a cackle from the object of mysterious bouncibility. (My brain is dead, okay?)
        "There she is! It's that stupid elf that gave us that stupid map!"
        Feeling rather dazed, Hoowee looked up to see a rather large group of angry people looking back down on her.
        "Just what did you think you were doing sending us off on that wild goose chase." some guy with strange hair asked the elf.
        "Umm... it's a secret?" Hoowee smiled tremulously, hoping he'd get the joke.
        "ARG!! That's my line you line stealer!" The guy with the funky hair fumed.
        "Oops." Hoowee shrugged, trying to put on a brave front but not succeeding very well since she couldn't bring herself to stare Xellos in the eyes so the entire thing lost it's defiant sense of arrogance. Suddenly, Hoowee took in the number of people death staring her.
        "O-kay... this is not good... definitely NOT good." She mumbled. Then hoping no one would expect it, she ducked between Xellos's legs and made a break for it.
        "Hey!" some girl yelled, but Hoowee didn't know her from Elvis so she kept running.
        Checking over her shoulder she saw that none of them were following her so she smiled and jinxed herself.
        Turning back to see where she was going, she managed to see Zelgadis appear in front of her before she slammed into him.
        "... Koala... " was the only word she managed to say before she passed out.
    *    *    *    *     *    *    *    *     *   
        Sitting down on the sand, Hoowee death stared any of her captors who so much as looked sideways at her and groaned slightly, wishing her headache onto each and ever one of them.
        "Feh. Stupid Slayers cast... mumble mumble... always has to... grumble... " She muttered under her breath hoping that no one would realise until to late what she was writing in the sand.
        "HEY! What are you writing in the sand?!" Gourrigan asked suddenly.
        'Gourrigan? I manage to trick even the trickster but I can't get by Gourrigan?' Hoowee thought in shock. Shaking her head to get rid of any more stupid time-consuming thoughts that just might pop up Hoowee noticed that the rest of the group gathering around her to take a look at her hastily scribbled writings.
        Leaning over her shoulder Xellos studied the strange characters for some moments then bit back a snort.
        Crowding in behind him Lina tried to get a good view. "What does it say?"
        "It's a secret"
        "Umm... 'Hoowee, being captured by the evil, nasty, gittish, nipple-bum-head Slayers cast, hopes desperately that her friend, Sailor Bob, remembers to look at the 'Oops, we've smegged up' alarm that is currently going off in their secret hide-out and through the goodness of her heart teleports herself to the beach to rescue her ally and commander-in-chief-for-the-duration-of-the-fic.'" Amelia read aloud from Hoowee's other side, blushing slightly at one of the insults.
        "Nipple-bum-head?"
        "Just spend one day at Bob's house with her younger siblings and you never know what you might hear." Hoowee replied, nodding sagely.
        Suddenly, a star of stupefying brilliance appeared to Hoowee's right, growing brighter and brighter until it burst apart into thousands of cute coloured bubbles revealing Sailor Bob.
        "Geez Hoowee, I was just getting in on the really evil stuff." Bob pouted, peeved that her evilness had been interrupted.
        Hoowee on the other hand had just gone into shock.
        "Ack! Why'd'ya bring HER with you?" Hoowee asked in horror, one finger pointing tremblingly at the Queen of Swords who had appeared, still tied to her chair, behind Sailor Bob.
        "Hmm?" Bob hmmed, looking to where her Superior-for-the-duration-of-the-fic was pointing.
        "KYA!! Where'd she come from?" She eeped, jumping a foot in the air.
        "My Beloved!" Xellos cried flinging himself away from Hoowee so that he could untie the Queen.
        "Beloved? I thought you where just good friends who sometimes... oh forget it." Hoowee sighed. She would never get just how those two got together.
        Bob walked over to her and patted her on the back in what she hoped was a consoling manner. "Well the originality of your idea to kidnap the Queen of Swords so you could do a guest Gourrigan's Isle fic is gone. Some bright spark came up with the idea of kidnapping her almightyness while you were... Hoowee, what is with the funny look, you look like you just kissed Jabba the Hutt." Bob asked, confused with the look the elf was sending her way.
        "You weren't supposed to tell anyone about my part in the kidnapping you twit." Hoowee hissed in her minions ear in exasperation then the nasty bit of information hit her. "WHO THE FUCK DID THE KIDNAPPING IDEA!!??!!"
        "Umm... some guy called Michael the Red Priest. But no worries, he died in the fic." Bob said flicking through the pages of one of the previous fics.
        "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!! IT WAS MY BLOODY IDEA!! I'LL BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE JUST SO I CAN DO NASTY THINGS TO HIM!!! AARRGGHH!!!" Hoowee screamed to the heavens, hands clawing at her throat until she realised she was starting to draw blood.
        "You will NOT." Firia stepped forward ready to defend her husband... or ex-husband... or whatever, but the Queen stopped her with a gesture from her hand.
        "I remember you you little piece of slime." QOS growled as she untangled herself from the chair with the help of Xellos.          "You're the cretin who I thought was her!" She pointed to Bob. "And you! I've been E:mailing you for ages and now you pull this on me!?"
        Bob shrugged away the glare of death she was receiving and muttered quickly under her breath. "BobSightTeleport." making a bazooka appear in a swirl of pink and gold bubbles in her hands. "Like I said before, I'm not the one writing this fic... here Hoowee, have this." She smiled, handing over the aforementioned bazooka to the startled Hoowee.
        "Ahh... this wasn't in the script... Oh well, who gives a fruit-tingle... DIE!!!" Hoowee yelled at the top of her lungs taking aim at the group before her who didn't seem to be very impressed.
        "OHO HO HO HO HO!! As if she could harm us with that little thing!" Naga cackled.
        "Technology against magic? Hasn't she done any research into this?" Xellos sighed.
        "I don't know... it could be interesting." Rezo smiled.
        "I'm gonna Dragon Slave her." Lina growled.
        "It was evil and unjust of her to kidnap the Queen of Swords." Amelia nodded.
        "I knew there was something strange about her." Zelgadis fumed.
        "Huh?" Gourrigan asked.
        The rest of the Slayers cast took the moment to beat the living doo-doo out of Gourrigan for being such a twit.
        "AARRGGH!! PAY ATTENTION TO ME WHEN I'M BEING EVIL!!" Hoowee screeched, aiming the bazooka at the mass of bodies and pulling the trigger.
        Time slowed down as everyone turned to stare in shock as the projectile hurtled towards them at a frightening speed.
        Then they all fell down laughing as the turnip plopped at their feet into the sand.
        "Oh crap. Bob, this is all your fault." Hoowee turned to her accomplice and whacked her over the head with the turnip bazooka.
        Standing to one side of the giggling Slayers cast, the QOS grinned evily as the two started to bicker among themselves.
        "Bob Sight Teleport this you low life wannabe fic writer!" The Queen of Swords snarled in triumph, a bazooka of her own appearing in her hands complete with the words 'Die Scum!' stencilled in on the side with white spray paint.
        Noticing just how peeved the Queen was Hoowee squeaked and edged closer to her friend. "Um... Bob?"
        "Yes Hoowee." Sailor Bob replied, watching the QOS in the same way a mouse watches a owl.
        "Could you teleport us out of here, 'cause I don't think that thing's gonna fire turnips."
        "Well yes, I think I can do that." Bob nodded, never taking her eyes off the Queen of Swords who was currently taking great pleasure in aiming her bazooka at her two kidnappers.
        "Right, well... umm... don't die or any thing." Bob muttered.
        "Please do." QOS grinned, taking great pleasure in pulling the trigger ever so slowly just to see the sweat build up on Hoowee's and Bob's faces.
        "ACK!! Say it now. Say it NOW!!" Hoowee shrieked, tears starting to well up in her eyes.
        "AHH!! bobsightteleportbobsightteleportbobsightteleportbobsightteleport!!!!" Bob sputtered as quickly as she could, and just as the QOS actually pulled the trigger they both disappeared in a cloud of bubbles and stars back to their conveniently hidden HQ somewhere on... Gourrigan's Isle!
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        Epilogue...
        "Way to go Queenie!" Lina cheered holding her fermented funky fruit mug high in the air. All around the rest of the cast hurrahed and clinked there mugs together.
        The party had been going on ever since Hoowee the Dark Elf and Sailor Bob had teleported away and everyone was by now, starting to get a leetle bit tipsy. All save one.
        The Queen of Swords, normally all for a good party of drunken debauchery, sat silent, thinking about something that had been bothering her for a while.
        'Just where did those two teleport too? And just what are you planning to do next Hoowee? And just what happened to that Diagonal Crotch Girl Who stole my Xellos plushie?! I want it back!! It was the one that Bluefox gave me damnit!!' Fuming, the QOS half-heartedly accepted a mug of fermented funky fruit from Xellos and downed it in one swallow. Brightening, she held out the mug to be filled up again and for awhile forgot about all her worries. That... was a mistake.
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        A Small Note From Hoowee...
        -Everything said in this fic by the character of Hoowee does not coincide with what she actually does think. QOS is not a nasty pervert nor do I want to kill Michael. Just thought I'd bring that up. Ooroo.- (QOS: Sure you don't wanna kill Michael, and who says I'm not a nasty pervert? Ok, ok, I'm only a nasty pervert sometimes. When my mom's not around.)