It is another beautiful, peaceful day on Gourigan's Island. Firia, Lina, Amelia and Haki are tanning on the beach. Gourrigan, Rezo and Zelgadis are sitting under the shade of a large tree, sipping orange juice. Shizuka is playing a game of solitaire. All seems to be calm and tranquil...

Xelloss: BORING!!!

Xelloss is bored, very very BORED. He can't do anything at all. Even his trunk of tricks was booby-trapped by the Queen.

Xelloss: There's got to be something I can do to cause chaos or just good old FUN.

His mind started working, looking for some sort of an idea that would be interesting. Xelloss sat down for a brief moment... Then the perfect Idea strike.

He walk toward Gourrigan and the rest of the male cast.

Xelloss: Hey! Have you guys noticed that we have been on Gourrigan's Island for a year now. Maybe we should do something to celebrate.
Gourrigan: We have???
Zelgadis: Xelloss...How can you tell?
Rezo: We don't even have a calendar!
Xelloss:<Damn!> Well, That's a secret!!!
Zelgadis: sigh...
Xelloss: Anyway, I have an idea to celebrate the anniversary!
Zelgadis: What are you going to do??
Xelloss: Host a Swimsuit contest of course, think about it. Watching Firia, Amelia, Lina...

Xelloss pauses for a second.

Xelloss: ...forget Lina. All the female cast's beautiful bodies in swimsuits, how about it guys? ARE YOU WITH ME!!!

Xelloss looked up, His eyes burning like fire. He reach out his hand to his followers, waiting for their response.

Zelgadis: Nope!
Gourrigan: Nope!
Rezo: Nope!

<Thump!>

Xelloss manages to created quite a crater from the fall.

Xelloss: AND WHY NOT!!! Are you a MAN or not!!!
Zelgadis: I don't see how being a MAN have anything to do with this... Fruitcake!
Gourrigan: Plus Lina doesn't have that great of a figure anyway...

Xelloss sighed in exasperation. He looked at Rezo.

Xelloss: Well! Speak up!!! I suppose you have some sort of excuses too.

Rezo's grip on his staff tightened.

Xelloss: Well! come on, what do you have against watching beautiful girls in swimsuits?

A red aura starts to appear around the still figure of Rezo.

Rezo: Well...For one thing...

Xelloss fail to notice the glowing red ball in Rezo's hand.

Xelloss: What?
Rezo: I CAN'T SEE!!!!!!

Rezo screamed as the fireball sail toward it's target, a certain smart-ass priest. Impact! BOOM! Xelloss is now imprinted into the closest rock.

Xelloss managed to dislodge himself from the rock.

Xelloss: So I guess that means you guys are... IN!
All: NO!!!
Xelloss: Please, please, pretty please with cherry on top?
All: NO!!!
Xelloss: YES!
All: NO!
Xelloss: YES!
All: NO!
Xelloss: YES!
All: NO!
Xelloss: YES!
All: NO!
Xelloss: No!?
All: YES! <doh!>
Xelloss: HA!.. Thank you for your support.
Zelgadis: I can't believe I fell for that.
Rezo: My dignity had disappeared.
Gourrigan: Hey Guys... What were we arguing about?
Zelgadis, Rezo Xelloss: <Facefault>
Zelgadis: You don't remember?
Gourrigan: Nope! Forgot after the second 'NO!'

Zelgadis walks toward his anti-stress kit, hanging on a large stone, <BANG HEAD HERE> and proceeds to follow the instruction.

Rezo: Hurry up Zel, I need to use it...
Xelloss: Loosen up Guys, I am sure Gourrigan was just kidding around!
Gourrigan: Nope!
Xelloss: Rezo! I'm after you.

A good long head-banging later.

Xelloss: Anyway, beside the four of us. Who else may be interested in this matter?
Rezo: How about Michael the Red priest.
Xelloss: ARE YOU MAD? His wife is Firia!!!

All look down, picturing the catastrophic result.

-----

SDMichael: I will KILL YOU ALL. die die die die die die waaa!

------

Zelgadis: No, definitely NOT good.
Gourrigan: How about Shizuka?
Rezo: But isn't his girlfriend Haki?
Xelloss: Shhh! This is on a need to know basis. Plus they are not even engaged yet <I...hope>
Zelgadis: But are you sure that we can deceive him? I heard from Michael that he is a extremely analytical person.
Xelloss: That's a lie. When do you ever believe Michael? Let's go already.

-----------------

Shizuka was finishing his 7th game of Solitaire, when a shadow loomed over him. He looked up to see Xelloss's smiling face.

Xelloss: Hey! Shizuka!.
Shizuka: What.
Xelloss: I was wondering...can you be our announcer in a celebration?
Shizuka: Are you going to start a Swimsuit contest featuring every single female on this island?
Xelloss: Maybe!? <How the hell did he know that>
Shizuka: I am extremely analytical
Xelloss: <I'm pretty sure I didn't say that out loud.>
Shizuka: And I can read your mind, too, if I want to...
Xelloss: <silence>
Shizuka: If you put Haki in the contest, I will make sure they'll have to use a dust-pan to sweep up your remains. Ok?
Xelloss: <Gulp!> ok.
Shizuka: Just call me before everything starts.
Xelloss: <weakly> Ha..hai

Shizuka walked away from the crowd, heading toward the beach, leaving a petrified Xelloss drenched in cold sweat. Zelgadis walked up to him.

Zelgadis: I told you so.
Rezo: That man is ice cold...
Gourrigan: Jeez, he seems mad, just like Lina...
Xelloss: I understand perfectly.
Zelgadis: But unlike Lina, Shizuka don't take out all of his anger on other innocent bystanders.
Rezo: I guess that's a good thing.
Gourrigan: Guys, could it be... that Shizuka is having a "THAT TIME OF THE MONTH"?

The Red priest, Mazoku Priest, and Chimera lined up in front of the stress relieve kit again.

-------------------

Lina Inverse and the girl are enjoying a nice refreshing cup of chocolate milk shake, made by Haki.

Lina: Wow, the sweetness, and the flavor! You are very good at cooking aren't you, Haki?
Haki: Thank you, Miss Lina.
Amelia: Miss Haki, you are always so nice, I bet there isn't another person like you.
Haki: Actually, Me and another Goddess share similar personality. I believe her name is Belldandy...
Firia: Soooo, how did you and Shizuka met?
Lina: Yeah! A Demoness and a god don't just get together...

Haki's impression froze, and her cheerful demeanor seems to suddenly disappear.

Lina: I..I didn't mean to offend you in anyway.
Haki: No, Shizuka-san and I share some secrets together, some of them are not so pleasant. We met when Shizuka-san was sent to protect Keiichi Morisato; Belldandy's beloved. At that time, I was under command of a Demoness, and we were on different side.

Haki took a deep breath.

Haki: Anyway, to make a long story short. My feelings for him were overruling my judgment, and I was going to be disposed...
Amelia: What does that mean?
Queen of Swords: That means Haki was going to be killed.
Amelia: Oh.
Haki: And Shizuka-san saved me. In order to do so, he had to kill a lot of demons, so many that he was known as the Demon Slayer in the netherworld.
Firia: Gee...
Amelia: <Sigh.> How romantic!
Lina: What!?
Amelia: To show up for the woman you love, and to defeat all odds. This is a TRUE HERO OF JUSTICE!!!
Lina: Amelia...
Amelia: Huh?
Lina: WOULD YOU LAY OFF THAT SPEECH OF JUSTICE FOR ONCE!!! I was having a nice time listening to Haki's story...
Firia: Hey! Girls! Shizuka is coming.

Shizuka walks into the overhang, his facial impression softens when he sees Haki.

Haki: Shizuka-san, how was your morning?
Shizuka: Fine, Haki-chan. What's that familiar smell? What are you guys having?
Lina: We are having chocolate milkshakes. Throw him one Amelia.

Amelia grabbed a cup of chocolate milkshake and threw it at him.

Haki: NOOOOOOO!!!

Shizuka's happy posture freezes, his eye wide in shock and surprise. He lowers into a blocking position as Haki jumps in front of him. She snatches the milkshake but one drop spills and touches Shizuka.

Shizuka immediately cowars over in pain, his vision blurs and he head feels all disoriented. All his senses shut down. Then he collapsed.

Haki: Shizuka-san!

Haki grabs unconscious form of Shizuka, and rests his head on her lap.

Lina suddenly feels afraid, very very afraid.

Lina: Ahhh.. Haki!? What did you put into the milkshake?

Haki looks up with curiousity

Haki: What do you mean?
Firia: She meant that it takes A LOT to take down Shizuka, HOW DID HE JUST DROP!!!!

Haki rested her gaze on Shizuka, her voice lowered.

Haki: Remember when I said that Shizuka-san and I shared close secrets...
Lina: Yeah...
Haki: Well, the milkshake I made...
Lina: Yeah...It's not poisonous, right?
Haki: Well... When Shizuka-san touched the milkshake, he collapsed because...
Firia, Lina, Amelia: Well WHAT!!!
Haki: He is just allergic to chocolate!
All: <Facefault>

Lina looks at Haki holding Shizuka.

Lina:<They are nice and all, but something is not right. They still have...>
Firia, Amelia: TOO MANY SECRETS.

Lina is panicking.

Lina: How did you guy know what I was thinking!!!! Can you guy's read minds?
Firia, Amelia: Nope! We were just talking about the new season of X-files.
Queen of Swords: So Haki, What exactly is Shizuka's reaction to chocolate?

Haki changes into a nurse's outfit.

Haki: Shizuka-san is highly allergic to chocolate. Numerous consequence can apply, such as flu-like symptoms coma,sometimes may go Berserk or have emotion flips. If this happens his Telekinesis becomes unmatched, and therefore extremely dangerous.

Queen of Swords: O
Lina: <Mental note, GET OUT OF THE ISLAND BY VALENTINES DAY!!!>

------------------------------

Xelloss and the rest of the male cast is hiding behind a rock.

Xelloss: Look at him, he has a girl holding him already, no persuasion needed.
Rezo: I'm envious...
Zelgadis: So Xelloss how are you going to convince the girls to go along with you on that bikini contest?
Xelloss: Well...actually... I haven't through about that!
Zelgadi: And you expect them to said SURE?
Xelloss: Yeah..
Zelgadis: It will never work.

Xelloss, Gourrigan, Zel and Rezo start walking toward the crowd.

Xelloss: Hey! Guys!!!

All the female cast members go for their weapons.

Firia: WHAT DO YOU WANT!
Xelloss: I was just wondering... do you guys want to dress up and have fashion show?
Firia: WHAT KIND OF CLOTHES!?

Xelloss looks very very nervous.

Zelgadis: I guarantee you, this will not work.
Xelloss: Ha..Ha.. Well...It's just...well...swimsuits?
Firia: WHO DO YOU THINK WE ARE? OF COURSE WE'LL SAY...
Lina, Amelia, Firia: SURE!!!
Zelgadis: I'll be near the rock when you need me...
Xelloss: That settles it, we will start the contest later this afternoon!

--------------------

Michael the Red Priest is walking leisurely around the island when he suddenly get hit by a coconut, trips over a rock and falls into a waterhole full of piranhas.

Michael: This is a BAD omen.

--------------------

Xelloss, Zelgadis and the rest of the male cast are sitting in a large hut, with a beautifully designed stage in front of them.

Xelloss: This is going to be GREAT.
Zelgadis: Joy.
Rezo: You are just out to get me...
Gourrigan: Lina in a swimsuit... <shudders in the mental image.>

Shizuka is wearing a pair of sun glasses, and sitting on the left of the stage. In his hand is a sheet of all the participants.

Zelgadis: pss. Xelloss?
Xelloss: what?
Zelgadis: Wouldn't he found out that Haki is participating?
Xelloss: Nope! The next name will not appear until the contestant in out in the open! <a little magic on my part ^_^>

The light spell went out in the hut, and darkness settled over the stage.

Shizuka: Now!!! To start off the swimsuit contest, We have our first contestant. The girl who is obsessed with the made up monster ZOn...Zonme...oh screw it. Here is MARTINA.

The green/blue haired girl steps out into the open, in her normal clothes.

Xelloss: Wooo.
Zelgadis: Ahhh.
Rezo: I CAN'T SEE!!!!!
Shizuka: For Miss Martina, judges, make your decision!
Xelloss: 7
Zelgadis: 8
Rezo: 1
Gourrigan: where is the scoreboard!
Shizuka: Thank you. Martina!
Shizuka: Our next contestant. Former sidekick of Lina Inverse, Naga!!! a.k.a. the white serpent.

Naga walks out in the stage, inciting a major nose bleed to all male cast!

Xelloss: She is HOT!!!
Zelgadis: But that is what she ALWAYS wears...
Xelloss: I'm not complaining.
Shizuka: Judges?
Xelloss: 9
Zelgadis: 9
Rezo:...
Gourrigan: 8
Shizuka: Thank you judges. For out next contestant, We have the infamous sorceress genius, Bandit Killer, Dragon Spooker! LINA INVERSE!!!.

Lina walked out into the center of the stage... in a pink one piece.

Xelloss: Damn she's small...
Zelgadis: Nothing to see...
Gourrigan; Nothing to watch...
Rezo: I can't see or watch...
Shizuka: For Miss Lina Inverse, we have...
Xelloss: 1
Zelgadis: 1
Gourrigan: 1
Rezo: 1
Lina: WHY YOU LITTLE... I SHOULD BURN YOU ALL!!!

Lina starts charging a fireball.

Xelloss, Zel, Gourrigan and Rezo immediately add a zero after the 1.

Zelgadis: 10
Gourrigan: 10
Rezo: 10
Xelloss: 01 <Oh NO!>
Lina: XELLOSS!!!

Lina hurls the fireball at Xelloss and then storms off the stage.

Xelloss: <charred> It was a honest mistake...
Shizuka: Annnnyway.. Here comes our next contestant, a former shrine maiden of Sairag, Miss Sylphiel!!

Sylphiel walked on stage in purple one piece.

Sylphiel: Oh, I just can't stand this humiliation. Light!!!

All male cast: WAAAAAAH

Xelloss: I'm blind.
Gourrigan: Ack! the light.
Zelgadis: Can't see her at all.
Shizuka: <with the shade> Oh! No She looks fine to me.
Shizuka: Anyway, since most of the judges are partially blind...We will move on to the next contestant. A member of the Gold dragon clan. A very powerful shine maiden, with a temper shorter than Lina during "that time of the month." Firia!!!

Firia comes out of the stage, in her two piece gold bikini, Xelloss is about to cheer when suddenly..

<Knock, knock>

Michael: Hey guys, what are you doing in there?
Xelloss: Oh! MY! GOD!!!
Zelgadis: Let's go, barricade the door, NOW!!!

Rezo, Xelloss, and Zelgadis run toward the door. pushing it with all their force.

Michael: Hey guys, come on, Let me in!!!

The trio maintain silence.

After awhile, silence was all there is in and out of the hut.

Michael: Hey guys, why didn't you let me in?

Xelloss eyes bulge out. <FROM THE INSIDE...HOW?>

Xelloss: how how how how how did you get in?
Michael: From the open window...

Xelloss sigh and sigh and sigh. (All three times)

Michael: Anyway, what are you guys doing? With all the cool lighting?

Michael turns toward the stage and sees Firia, scantily clothed.

He walks up to the stage and closes the curtain, his posture quite rigid; then he turns, his eyes red with hatred.

Michael: YOU WILL ALL DIE....die die die die die die.

Xelloss and the gang gets pummeled by all the spells known to man, andsome even unknown to Mazoku...

Xelloss: Soo...RRY.

Shizuka is watching the scene from a barrier, as some spell bounce harmlessly off the shield.

Shizuka: Oh! Those humans can be sooo interesting... Well, the show must go on.

He powers up for a second; then stood up.

Shizuka: ENOUGH!

Five cards fly out of Shizuka's hand and successfully pin Michael to the wall.

Xelloss: Ha, now he makes a excellent dart board.

Xelloss takes out a dart from his robe.

Xelloss: Here Rezo try your luck...

Rezo throw three darts, one at a time.

The first misses completely.

Michael: Ha, Are you blind man?
Rezo: Yes I am
Michael: ...

The second dart pins one corner of Mike's robe.

Michael: Ack, do you know how much this robe cost!? That's just WRONG.

The Third dart strikes right between Michael's leg.

Michael: <Gulp> Ok.. You can stop now...
Shizuka: Humans...I would never take revenge of that sort...
Xelloss: This is getting fun, Anyway Shizuka! Please continue.
Shizuka: Ok, Our next contestant...

Haki timidly walked out from backstage.

Shizuka:...a green hair girl with a mild temper. A demo...HAKI!!!!!!!???

Shizuka looked at Haki for a brief second, blinked twice and started glowing. He growl and cursed quietly as he close the curtain with a sweep of his hand.

Shizuka: I had seen enough of this contestant...

Shizuka turned and looked at Xelloss. His cold gaze and that strange smile make Xelloss feel nervous and scared, very scared. Xelloss started his frantic explanation.

Xelloss: Ha...This is only a joke Shizuka. It's all an accident. <I think I am in trouble...>
Shizuka: You promised that Haki will not be in the contest...Even though you didn't fulfill your side of the deal... I WILL FULFILL MINE!!!

Shizuka smiled again and then chuckled.

Shizuka: <sincerely> I have nothing against you Xelloss. <lie! lie! lie!> But due to my job, been a god and all...I must keep my promise...no matter what. <Grin>

The card that's pinning Michael suddenly fall off.

Shizuka: Time to feel PAIN.

Xelloss's eyes grew to a unbelievable size, he looked at the outraged God, and decide to turn and run the other way. But Xelloss was stopped dead in his track when he run into a equally menacing Michael.

Michael: Heh..Heh..Heh ITS PAYBACK TIME!!!

From the other side of the curtain, muffled sound of explosions and screams can be heard. Haki blinked twice and then stucked her head out of the curtain.

The sight was quite impressive, almost better than World War II.

Shizuka was holding Xelloss in a full-nelson, about to throw him into a wall. Michael is taking the phrase "Shooting fish in a barrel" on to a new level. He had Zelgadis and Rezo pinned with barriers, and lobbing countless spell into the narrow space, causing the two victims to bounce around like balls in a pachinko machine.

Haki seems amused for a while, then finally decides to make her presence known.

Haki: Shizuka-san!

Shizuka is in the process of Pile-driving Xelloss six feet underground when he heard the familiar voice. He pauses and looks up.

Shizuka: Oro!?

Haki smiled seductively.

Haki: I guess I'll have to show you this outfit when we're alone...

Haki winked twice, turned and left. Leaving a mildly puzzled Shizuka getting a pat on the back from all of the male cast. except for Xelloss, who's still trying to break loose.

Zelgadis: You are a lucky man.
Shizuka: Oro!?
Rezo:<sobbing> Take good care of her.
Shizuka: Oooro!?
Michael: Shizuka! O'buddy O' pal... When is the wedding?
Shizuka: OOOOOOOORO!?
Xelloss: Hey! Shizuka! Try not to stay up TOOOO late and don't make too much noise, I actually need some sleep tonight! <winked>

Shizuka proceeds to finish his pile-driver on Xelloss.

Shizuka: Leave us along.
Zelgadis, Rezo: SOOOOOOOO ITs' "US" Now huh!!

Shizuka put his hand over his head, trying to message away a headache, but fail miserably. So he took a different approach. He looked at Michael, nod his head toward Michael once. Michael replied with a wink.

Shizuka: Unfortunately... we had a brief interruption...

Rezo, Zel and Xelloss started backing up again, sweating nervously.

Michael/Shizuka: BUT NOW, ITS BACK TO BUSINESS!!!

-------------------------

Lina and Firia are plotting something...Evil, In the midst of the confusion, Lina grabs Gourrigan and dragged him to backstage...

-------------------------

Shizuka sighed.

Shizuka:<Thinking> Ahhh! That was so stress relieving...oops her majesty is ready...
Shizuka: Now for our next contestant, The famous Queen of Sword!!!
QOS: Thank you all for your support.

Xelloss, Rezo and Zelgadis are tied up in the bundle, some in cast and some in slings. Michael is sitting beside them humming happily.

Michael: I don't have a score sheet, so it's up to you guys. Plus, I am too happy to do anything...

Zel, Xelloss and Rezo grumbled.

Xelloss: 10
Rezo: 10
Zelgadis: 10
QOS: Ohhh! I'm so happy!!
Shizuka: And for the our last contestant. Former Princess of Seyruun. Princess Amelia.
Amelia comes out in a two piece. Zelgadis blushes immediately.
Xelloss: So...Always after the young ones Huh! Pedophiliac!
Zelgadis: SHUT UP.

Rezo and the gang are about to clap, when the door behind them bust open...

Voice: My dear Amelia, I had come to visi..Amelia?
Xelloss: Prince Philionel??
Amelia: Daddy?

Shizuka jumps down next to Zelgadis.

Shizuka: Who is mustache over there?
Zelgadis: <Italian accent> It's him. Mario...I mean, that's Amelia's father.
Shizuka: <dumbfounded>
Phil: How dare you force my child into prostitution. Come, my quick and swift justice!!!
Shizuka: Definitely her father...

Phil charged toward the three bandaged men in slings.

Phil: PACIFIST CRUSH!!!
Xelloss: WAAAAAA!!!
Phil: ALL MY BROTHERS, HAND IN HAND!!!
Rezo: Getting...pimp slapped...
Phil: JOYFUL REUNION BEAR HUG!!!
Zelgadis: Stone...Getting...Crushed...Lungs...going to...collapse...
Shiuzka: Ohh, All those Oximoronic attacks...
Amelia: Daddy! We are just having a fashion show!
Phil: Oh... Sorry. I'll come back later, my dear daughter!
Amelia: Good-Bye Daddy!
Shizuka: The irony is killing me...
Michael: That's our last contestant...

Rezo, Xelloss, and Zelgadis had just regained composure/conciousness

Shizuka: Wait, Miss Lina just handed me another note. There have been a special guest!!!
Zelgadis: Who is that?
Xelloss: I don't know...
Shizuka: From a place far far away, a girl with long, flowing hair of gold. Whom almost become the wife of the great hero of Valoom.
Zelgadis:... why does that name sound familiar...?

A figure is shoved on to the stage... a figure covered by the darkness...Until Lina uses a light spell and illuminates the figure.

Lina/Firia: Miss La-La!!!
Shizuka:...
Zelgadis: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Xelloss: NO WAY! NO WAY! Arrgh my virgin eyes!!!

Zelgadis faints, while Xelloss fall over with foam coming out of his mouth.

Xelloss: It...can't...be!!!
Gourrigan: SOMEBODY KILL ME NOW!!!!!!
Shizuka: Gourrigan?? Wha? Nevermind, don't tell me.
Xelloss: Oh El-Sama! What have I done to deserve this.
<El-Sama: I can think of a few...>
Gourrigan: Can somebody PLEASE kill me NOW?
Shizuka: I think this is a wonderful moment to go visit Haki...
Rezo: You know? At time like this, I am pretty glad that I was blind...

The End