Cherry Coke
by Eyodius
Belladonna
The Camera fades into a redheaded girl with rich violet eyes, dressed in a black tank top and black flare jeans. She wears a pair of sunglasses on top of her head, and her hair is parted on the right. The girl smiles into the camera, holding a microphone, and waits for her cue.
Next to her is a girl with long wavy black hair, emerald eyes with a lock of hair covering her right eye, and large black fox ears and a black bushy foxtail. She has four thin silver armbands on her right shoulder, and a snake tattoo that spirals down her left arm. She wears a forest green tank top and light bluish-gray pants and has an excited, way-too-happy grin sprawled on her ovalish face.
Girl: Hi! Eyodius here!… I’m sad to say that my long awaited Zelgadis/Valgarv yaoi fic will not be airing, due to the fact that this a FAMILY show (yeah right)… BUT I am pleased to announce that my best friend, Yasashii (puts and hand on the gleeful kitsune’s shoulder) has volunteered to take over with her presentation of the age-old question: What happens when you mix funky fruit with Cherry Coke?
Now, I’m gonna head over to Bishounen Island to have some fun; so sit back, relax, and enjoy the show! Ta! (slips off)
The kitsune stands there and stares into the camera, grinning with unholy glee.......
5 minutes have passed already and nothing has changed........
10 minutes have passed since the last line and STILL nothing has happened…
Two chibi Eyos out of no where but remain unnoticed by Yasashii.
Chibi Eyo #1: Maybe she for got her script…
Chibi Eyo #2: (states matter-of-factly)no, I say she’s got stage fright…
Chibi Eyo #1: Nooooooo… I say she forgot her script!
Chibi Eyo #2: She’s got stage fright!
Chibi Eyo #1: Forgot her script!
Chibi Eyo #2: Stage fright!
Chibi Eyo #1: Forgot her script!
Chibi Eyo #2: Stage fright!
Chibi Eyo #1: Script!
Chibi Eyo #2: Stage fright!
Chibi Eyo #1: Script!
Suddenly, Yasashii gets smacked in the head by a hurtling rock. The girl rubs her head, instantly remembering what she was supposed to do. She then grins evilly and goes off to find some funky fruit, leaving behind the two chibis to bicker endlessly.
On the other side of the island, little did the cast know, something was about to happen…
Lina: Something’s about to happen.
Gourrigan: How do you know?
Lina: Because redheads always know these kinds of things.
Gourrigan: Oh
Lina: And also because the author just said so.
On cue, Yasashii walks out form the bushes with two large waiters’ serving trays loaded with eleven ominously smoking drinks. Zelgadis eyes the drinks cautiously, while Xelloss, on the other hand, freaks out.
Xelloss: AHHHH! (hides behind Filia) Save me! Save me! Whenever that kitsune’s around, that means that Eyodius isn’t far away!!
Filia: Nazogami!!!! (pulls out her mace and smashes Xelloss clear across the island)
Xelloss: AHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh.......... (scream fades off into the distance)
Yasashii: Don’t mind him. He and Eyo aren’t on the best of terms, to say the least. (puts the trays onto a table that wasn’t there five seconds ago) Anyone interested in some beverages?
Zelgadis: (Still eyeing the drinks cautiously) What are they supposed to be?
Yasashii: Cherry Coke
Amelia: Is it supposed to ominously spill out smoke like that?
Yasashii: (pause) Yes.
Martina: Zangulus, dear, I’ll have a drink if you do.
Zangulus: I dunno.............
Martina whispers something into Zangulus’s ear, making him grin devilishly and making everyone else retch at the possibilities
Gourrigan: Ya know, those actually look pretty appetizing despite the fact that the drinks bubble like poison! (picks up a glass)
Lina: (stares at him dumbly) And you’re supposed to be a genius?
Shilfiel: Um, well, if, um Gourry-sama wants to have one, then, um, (blush) I guess I’ll have one too. (picks a drink)
Lina rolls her eyes. Soon, most of the crew has chosen a drink. Lina, Zel, Filia, and Rezo all knew Eyodius and her friends and were smart enough not to trust them completely. (especially when they’re grinning menacingly)
All but Lina, Zel, Filia, Rezo, and Yasashii: Cheers! (clinks glasses together and drinks)
Pause for dramatic effect.............
Nothing happens.
The kitsune pouts and folds her arms over her chest, looking very childish. Suddenly, a puff of cheesy gray smoke engulfs the drinkers (probably due to the fact that Eyodius forgot to lend Yasashii money to create convincing effects for this episode.)
Then…
Shilfiel: *@&$!%@&$*%@*($!&%@#$&*@%$@!&*(&%@%&!#!@!!!!
Blank stares all around.
Yasashii: (bounces up and down clapping, giddy as a stereotypical schoolgirl) Yippee! Results!
Without warning, Zangulus starts twirling, dancing, and leaping while humming(off key) to the melody of Swan Lake. Lina, Zelgadis, Filia, and Rezo all watch in awe as Amelia jumps onto a pillar that wasn’t there(and falling flat on her face) and Naga begins to show constipated expressions on her face. Gourrigan, on the other hand, has somehow found chiefs’ hat and begins to wander around the beach, ranting on about swords and cooking utensils. Martina is the only one left in the middle as Shilfiel stomps off to cuss at people. She giggled.
Martina: (giggle) My heart stopped............. Oh! There it goes again............ Aw! It stopped again............... Ah! There it goes again.............
It was at this time that Xelloss decided to stroll out of the bushes.
Xelloss: (holding his head)(muttering to himself) It’s all just a bad dream… It’s all just a bad dream… Eyo and her friends are not here… I just had to many of the Queen’s nachos, and when I wake up, it will all be back to normal… (sees the chaos caused by Yasashii) (rubs his temples and walks off) It’s just a bad dream, it’s just a bad dream, it’s just a bad dream, it’s just a bad dream…
Zelgadis: This is chaos!
Lina: We have to stop this!
Yasashii: Why? I think it’s pretty entertaining!
Lina: You would…
Suddenly Zel feels a tugging on pant leg. Before he knows it, Amelia shoves a glass of Funky CokeÔ (has a nice ring to it, nei?) to his mouth and makes him drink.
Amelia: Try some! It’s really good!
Zelgadis tries to spit it out, but just can’t get that thick sweet taste out of his mouth. He happens to look over at the edge of the jungle to see a familiar blue haired daemon/dragon wandering around in the foliage........
Zelgadis: OH VALGAAV!!!!!!! (runs to him with little hearts in his eyes)
Valgaav: What the @*$%?!?!?!?!?!
Yasashii: Oh! I guess we WILL be able be able to have that Zelgadis/Valgarv yaoi fic after all!
Lina and Filia back away in fear.
Rezo: (picks up one of the remaining glasses) Oh come on girls! Have some fun! (grabs Filia’s head with a hand and shoves the drink up to her lips)
Filia: Ack!..............(pause)(a single raindrop falls on her head) AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!! WE MUST TELL THE PRINCE!!!… Oh wait, the prince is dead… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (morphs into a dragon and flies off)
Rezo: Come on Lina! It’s your turn! (waves a glass in front of her)
Lina backs away in terror. As she does so, she sees Gourrigan and Amelia in the corner of her eye:
Gourrigan: (holding up the sword of light) It slices, it dices, it makes three different types of French fries! (wanders off)
Amelia: (yelling at Naga, who is just standing there) YOU FOUL TEMPTRESS! JUST LOITERING AROUND HERE! THAT’S UNJUST!! I…uh… uh..... (forgets what she was gonna say)(wanders off)(sees Gourrigan) YOU EVIL BASTARD! DEWORTHING A SACRED TREASURE LIKE THAT! HOW UNJUST!!….(forgets what she was gonna say, again)(wanders off)(sees Zangulus)YOU!!
Fearing for her life, Lina screams and runs off to find Eyodius.
A few minutes later, on Bishounen Island:
Lina: (wandering through the jungle) Eyodius! Eyodius-san! I need to talk with you!…
As she emerges from the brush, the color of flesh fills her vision.
Lina: (blushing furiously) What the--?
All over Bishounen Island was the entire population; Stark Nekkid! Dozens upon dozens of drop dead gorgeous men wandering around the island wearing absolutely nothing at all!(great visual!;)
But before anything else happens, Lina remembers her hang up with the blonde swordsman/now-turned-chief over on the other island.
Speaking of the other island, Yasashii is at the moment offering Hiei and Kurama two newly brewed glasses of Funky CokeÔ .
Kurama: I don’t know…
Yasashii: Oh come on! It’s really good!
Kurama: Weeeell… Ok…
Yasashii hands a drink to the two bishounen.............
10 minutes later:
Eyodius strolls along the beautiful beach of the island. She sees Yasashii sunbathing on a lounge chair wearing a green one piece and a pair of Raybans, and quickens her pace.
Eyodius: Yasashii, I need to talk to you…
Yasashii: Eyo! How have you been? Pull up a chair and enjoy the scenery with me!
Eyodius: Yasashii! Your experiment is wreaking havoc on the island!
Yasashii: Isn’t that the point?
Eyodius: Not entirely!
Just then, Shilfiel stormed by.
Shilfiel: *@&$!%@&$*%@*($!&%@#$&*@%$@!&*(&%@%&!#!@!!!!
Yasashii: It’s not THAT bad! Now come on! Just sit back and relax!(makes an open gesture)
Eyodius: In dunno.......
Yasashii: Pleeeeease? (gives the infamous Yasashii Puppy EyesÔ )
Eyodius: (can never stand up to the infamous Yasashii Puppy EyesÔ ) Oh alright… (sits in a lounge chair that wasn’t there 5 seconds ago) Well, it is a nice breeze…
Yasashii: Oh that’s Hiei.
Eyodius: huh?
Yasashii: See that deep ring of tracks around the island?
Eyodius: Uh-huh
Yasashii: And there’s also a pile of Hiei’s clothes over there (points to a pile of black clothes)
On another side of the island, Kurama, now in youko form, wanders around the jungle.
Youko Kurama: (skipping)LALALALALALALALALA—eh? (skips into a clearing to find a large heap of clothing) Wow! Those look like bishounen clothes! But why are they all the way over here? (spots a black sock on the very top)(gasps) HIEI!!!! (climbs the mountain of clothes) Hiei! What are you doing all the way up here?!(picks up the sock) Eh? What’s that?(shakes the sock) Hiei, I can’t hear you! Speak up! (looks at the sock with concern) Hiei! Why won’t you talk to me? Hiei! (holds the sock up to his ear) I can’t understand you! Speak up! (walks off still talking to the sock)
--------
Lina: So first you planned this experiment to see what would happen if you mixed funky fruit with Cherry Coke, knowing exactly what would happen; Then you went over to Bishounen Island, stole all their clothes; Made Kurama and Hiei drink the Coke, and now they’re running around the island naked?
Eyodius: (now lounging in a lounge chair wearing a black bikini and Raybans)Yes
Yasashii: Not naked; nekkid!
Lina: Same difference
Yasashii: Yes, but nekkid is cuter to spell!
Angry Voice: Eyodius Belladonna!
Eyodius: Oh sh*t
The Queen of Swords walks in from the left side of the screen holding her little Talking Xelloss Fortune Teller DollÔ she got from a psychotic little commercial fic Eyo sent her (along with the little floating hearts that come with the doll(see picture)). She looks rather pissed off and ready to do some damage.
Queen of Swords: Eyodius! I leave you alone for two hours and this is how you repay me?!
Eyodius: I’m really sorry! I didn’t know it would get out of hand--!
QOS: I don’t want to hear it… Just go and fix what you created!
Eyodius: But Yasashii—
QOS: No buts! Just do it! (little Nike symbol momentarily appears above her head)
Eyodius: Hai…
Eyodius stands up and is about to say something when she is interrupted by Kurama jumping out of the bushes, still holding the sock.
Kurama: It’s Hiei! (waves the sock in front of the group) Say "hi" Hiei! (shakes the sock by his ear) Hiei! Speak louder! (looks at the group and shows off the sock some more) It’s Hiei! He can’t really talk right now, but it’s really him!
Eyodius, Lina, and the Queen stare at Yasashii, who just grins nervously.
Yasashii: Heh. I wanted to see what would happen…
Eyodius: (sighs and takes out a little computer from hammerspace) Alright, I’ll get them back to normal… (mutters to herself) but it’s really Yasashii’s fault!
Yasashii: I heard that!
QOS: You were the one in charge so it’s your responsibility.
Eyodius: (mutter, mutter, mutter)
Lina: What’s that your doing? (points to the dinky laptop)
Eyodius: Huh? Oh, this just tells me where everyone is on the island. (types some stuff)(pause) Uh-oh…
QOS: (raises and eyebrow) What’s "uh-oh"?
Eyodius: I can’t find Zelgadis! (types some more stuff as little computer sounds emanate from the machine)
All but Eyo: WHAT?!
Eyodius: He isn’t anywhere on the island!
Lina: YOU LOST ZELGADIS?!
QOS: You better find him, or you’re a dead angel
Eyodius and Yasashii exchange worried looks. Kurama, in the mean time, bounces along the beach and gets smacked head-on by Hiei, knocking them both out.
To be continued…
(QOS: If so, it'll be on Eyo-chan's own site, since I'm not posting these anymore.)
What has happened to Zelgadis? Will Eyodius be able to return the island to normal? Will anyone pronounce her name right? Why is Xelloss so afraid of her? Will the bishounen get their clothes back? Will they WANT to get their clothes back(maybe they like being nekkid)? Why does Valgaav’s hair stick up? How does he comb it with that horn in the middle of his head? Is Gaav really a woman in drag? Will the Queen of Swords kick Eyo’s little kuroitenshi ass here to kingdom come?!
These questions and more, next week! *singing* Here on Gourrigan’s Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiisle!
(authors note: This information on what happens when you’re stoned and hyper at the same time was provided by a Freak)