The Castaway men are on the beach where the bishounen had been keeping Lina and Amelia in a cage, until Firia rescued them. The guys are arguing with the bish, trying to convince them to give them a lift back to Japan, but aren’t having much luck.

Nakago: Hell if we’re taking you anywhere with us! You’re not cute enough to be Bishounen, and we’re not going to Japan!

Rezo: We’re cuter than you are, you big, blonde fairy! Otaku all over the world go ga-ga over Zelgadis, at the very least! And I certainly have shrines of my own, if you were intelligent enough to know how to get online and look!

Xellos: That’s right! I have many shrines, as well! So does Gourrigan! ...er, when he’s being just Gourry, that is.

Gourrigan:Yeah! I’m a lot cuter than you guys! And I’m anatomically correct, unlike most of you pansies! You’re just a buncha Ken dolls!

Tasuki: *$#@! LEKKA SHIEN!

All:        DUCK!

Mousse: Quack?

Then Zelgadis notices the outriggers landing on the beach and instantly loses his will to fight. In fact, the only thing left functioning is his underdeveloped libido, as dozens of the most beautiful women he’s ever seen (in the skimpiest outfits he’s ever seen) leap from the outriggers and head up the beach with a loud battle cry. All the male action abruptly stops as the guys’ power to reason goes south.

Gourrigan: Oh, wow...

Ranma:       You said it, man...

Nakago:       This must be heaven...

Tasuki:        #$%@!

Mousse:        Qua-ack...

Inuyasha: Ka--Kagome?! Is that you?! What are you doing--

Parn:                 Deed? Oh, man, that is such a good look for y--GURK!

Parn goes flying with one smack of Deedlit’s outraged feminist palm and lands head-first in a sand dune. Kagome approaches Inuyasha, bow strung with an arrow, an evil look on her face.

Kagome:         This is for all those times you called me "fool", FOOL!

Inuyasha: Hey! I got over that, remember?! I like you now!

Kagome:        Eat wood, dog-boy!

TWANG! The arrow flies from her bow only to bounce harmlessly off Inuyasha armor-like kimono.

Ranma:        Man, I think she means business!

Inuyasha: No, really?! Do you think?!

Kagome:        Sister, what are you doing with these monsters! Are they hurting you?

Blink-blink. Then Ranma remembers he’s girl-type at the moment and giggles.

Ranma:        Oh, no, they’re not hurting me! They would never hurt me! Right, guys? Men aren’t monsters at all! You should give them a ch--

Kagome:        Hey...aren’t you that Ranma Saotome? The one who turns into a girl when cold water gets thrown on him...AND A MAN WITH HOT WATER?!

Ranma:        Oh, @#$%!

Inuyasha: Nice try.

Tasuki:        Let me handle these bitches! LEKKA SHI--OW!! #$%@ that #$@-ing hurt you #$@-ing bitch! Ha! You run from me! Gulp.

Kagome and Deedlit have only returned to the outriggers for reinforcements. Heavily-armed reinforcements. First off the block is a green-haired girl with curling horns and a great, big sword, which she points at Tasuki in a very threatening fashion.

Kahm:     What in homeworld is your problem? You’re coming with me! Dead or alive! Though it’ll be a lot easier to mate with you if you’re alive!

Bishounen:     M-m-m-MATE?!

Xellos:     Sounds great! Let’s go!

Rezo:     I’m game. Zel?

Zelgadis:    Uh…well, I…er…I’m a virgin, ok? Gimme a break!

Gasps of horror from the Bishounen. Rezo and Xellos smack their foreheads.

Xellos: That’s more than I wanted to know.

Rezo: My own grandson…great-grandson…whatever. I’m so ashamed.

Zelgadis: I haven’t found the right girl yet!

The bishoujo blink in astonishment for a moment, then exchange increasingly excited looks. Zelgadis has apparently hit upon the magic words.

Kahm: *ahem* Did you say you were still a virgin because you haven’t found the right girl yet? Or was I dreaming that?

Zelgadis: Er…well, yes, I did say that…why?

Kahm: (shouts) FRESH MEAT!

Zelgadis: Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh—

Xellos: Hide, stupid!

Zelgadis: Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh—

Rezo: Pull yourself together, boy!

Rezo slaps Zelgadis around a bit, but it doesn’t help, so Xellos steps up and starts slapping Zel. No good. Behind him is a long line of bishounen, some smacking boards and other implements of swatting against their palms, awaiting their turn to slap Zel around. Suddenly, dozens of bishoujo stream from the outriggers and up the beach, snatch up Zelgadis, then dash past the startled men, into the jungle beyond, carrying Zel over their heads.

Bishoujo: (chanting) Fresh meat fresh meat fresh meat fresh meat!

The men blink stupidly after them for a moment, then Rezo recovers.

Rezo: That’s my grandson/great-grandson! After those women!

Ranma: (to Xellos as they join the charge) Did he say "grandson/great-grandson"?

Xellos: Don’t go there.

Zelgadis: (from a distance as he’s carried off) Heeeeeeeelllllpppp meeeeeee!

Rezo: I’m coming, Little Buddy! Keep your pants on!

The bishoujo charge through the jungle with their stone-fleshed prize held high until they reach the clearing in which the Castaways have built their "village". They spot the dinner table and in nothing flat they’ve got Zelgadis stripped naked and tied down to it.

Zelgadis: Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit—

Pirotess: Coward! Are you gay?

Zelgadis: No!

All around him, beautiful women are removing their clothing and grinning at him hungrily. Zel trembles. They must have put wards on his bonds because even with all his demon strength, he can’t break them. Worse, he’s never been naked in front of one girl, much less dozens of equally-naked WOMEN, who have every intention of "mating" with him.

Zelgadis: Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh—

Suddenly, from out of the jungle, Lina, Amelia and Firia (now back in girl-form) appear and can only stare in wide wonder at the spectacle before them. Except Amelia, of course, who spots the opportunity of a lifetime and…well…kinda loses control.

Amelia: Oh, Zelgadis!

She somersaults over the hungry bish, lands straddling Zel’s tummy and starts ripping off her clothes.

Zelgadis: Ah! I’m blind! I’m blind! Mrf?!

Amelia shuts him up with a kiss, but doesn’t get much farther than that before Lina comes to Zel’s rescue with a well-placed blast of magical wind that blows Amelia off the poor chimera’s chest and straight out of the clearing.

Lina: Pervert.

She stalks over to the flock of naked women (all better-endowed than she, and therefore deserving of every ounce of her wrath) and glares at them with her hands on her hips.

Lina: And you! You people are sick! Sick, sick, sick! Grrrr!

She grabs Deedlit’s arm to start making herself a path to her captive friend, but the Elf woman doesn’t budge. From somewhere, she pulls a sword and uses it to push Lina back several paces.

Deedlit: Get in line, honey!

Lina: Get in—WHAT?! *blush* You don’t think I want—hey, I’m not a pervert!

Just then, the men arrive and have a similar reaction as Amelia’s to what they’re seeing before them.

Gourrigan: They’re naked!

Rezo: Hm. There’s something you don’t see everyday.

Xellos: Too bad.

Inuyasha: Isn’t that your friend on the table? The stone guy?

Just through the women’s limbs they can see patches of blue stone that can only be Zelgadis.

Gourrigan: He’s naked, too! Alright, Zelgadis!

Xellos: Yeah, baby, yeah!

Rezo: *sniffle* I knew you’d come ‘round, Zel *sniffle*! What a man you are! I’m so proud!

All men: Zel-lee! Zel-lee! Zel-lee!

Zelgadis: Are you crazy?! Get me out of here!

Lina: Don’t worry, Zel! We’ll save you! Firia! Dragon power!

The bishoujo finally notice Firia, just in time to see her turn into a very large, gold dragon. A very angry, very large gold dragon.

Bishoujo: Oh-oh.

Firia takes to the skies with a furious roar, circles once just to show off, then swoops down upon the group and collects Zelgadis, table and all. With another mighty roar, she flies away with her prize. The thwarted women just watch them go. The men watch them watch her go.

Tasuki: #$%! Nice asses, girls!

Hotohori: (buries his face in his hands) We are all going to die…

Sailor Moon: Who’s ass is nice? Which one of us?

Pirotess: Yes, fang-boy, which one of us has the nicest ass.

Tasuki: #$%@! …um…*ahem*…er…I think you all have extremely nice asses…

Bzzzt! Wrong answer! No woman falls for that dodge! And these are the very embodiment of everything that intimidates men about women: Bishoujo!

Morisato: Thank you, Eddie Haskell.

Hotohori: We are really going to die…

Parn, Holy Knight of Fallis, thinks fast!

Parn: Deed? Have you lost weight? You look fantastic! You, too, Pirotess! Have you changed your hair? It looks really pretty like that!

The other guys hop on the desperation bandwagon.

Inuyasha: Yeah! Kagome, I love what you’re doing with you hair—I mean, it was pretty before, nice and soft and shiny—looks great!

Ranma: Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo—wow. I can’t get over how great you girls look naked. Man, even girl-type, I can’t hold a candle to you three! I mean it.

Nakago: Don’t push it, guys…

Hotohori: They’re not buying it. We’re gonna die…

Tasuki: Hold it! That’s Nuriko! Hey, you pansy-ass fruitcake! What the #$%@ are you doing over there with the real women?! Getcher clothes back on, #$%-er! Hey, wait a minute…Nuriko…man, I just noticed you have a totally killer ass, you fruity little #$@-er!

Nuriko bats his eyelashes until he realizes the women are all staring at him…intensely.

Sailor Moon: You’re…gay?

Kahm: Really? Ever tried being with a woman before?

Nuriko: (panic) N-n-no…

Pirotess: Sounds like a challenge, girls.

Nuriko: Ah! No it isn’t! I have a right to my sexual preference! Oh shit! I’m outta here! Guys, save me!

He tries to run, but the ladies have already latched onto him and are carrying him off to one of the huts, and even Nuriko’s supernatural strength can’t save him. It happens so fast, none of the other guys has time to react to save him before the door is shut tight against them. When Nuriko starts screaming bloody murder, the bishounen just stare at their feet in solemn mourning. The Castaways, on the other hand, fly into action. After all, the huts are only palm fronds and bamboo! They set upon the palm walls of the hut, tearing aside the leaves until they’ve made a hole big enough to jump through. Nuriko’s cries are coming from beneath a bile of beautiful women. The Castaways dive in and start throwing girls left and right, Lina fireballing any strays, until at last they reach the terrified Seishi boy-girl. Gourrigan hoists him over his shoulder and dashes back through the hole in the wall.

Nuriko: My hero!

Gourrigan: *blush* It’s my duty to be chivalrous!

Nuriko: *sigh* How romantic! You’re so brave—um, what did you say your name was?

Gourrigan: Gourry—but I’m Gourrigan in this show.

He sets the starry-eyed, naked Nuriko down, only to have the gender-confused bishounen throw his arms around him and squeeze.

Nuriko: "Gourrigan"…what a heroic name!

Gourrigan: Uh…I’m not like that…Stop that! Yuck! Somebody get him off me! Lina!

Lina pulls Nuriko off of Gourrigan and shoves him into Hotohori’s arms, who shoves him into Tasuki’s arms, who shoves him into Parn’s arms, who…You get the idea. This goes on until Nuriko is on his tushie, reluctantly putting his clothes back on (at swordpoint—lots of swordpoints).

Lina: Heh. At least he didn’t ask you to marry him!

Gourrigan: Ga! Don’t give him any ideas!

At that moment, Amelia bounds back into the clearing wearing her justice face, strikes a pose and points a finger at Lina.

Amelia: Lina Inverse! How dare you rob me of my moment of delirious joy!

Gourrigan: You’re topless, Amelia.

Amelia: I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for years, and you snatch it from my hands, Miss Lina! For that you must pa—urk.

Gourrigan’s words at last sink in, and Amelia realizes she is, indeed, quite topless, boobs to the breeze.

Tasuki: #$%@! Nice tits, sister!

Makoto: Not again…

Hotohori: Someone kill him.

Nakago: My pleasure!

Asharm: Oh no, allow me, I insist.

Ranma: No, no, no! I insist!

P-Chan: Skwee!

Tasuki: You #$%-ers wanna dance with Tasuki’s tessen?! Huh?

He taps his fan (the afore-mentioned tessen) in his palm and glares at his fellow bishounen.

Inuyasha: Ooh. I’m scared.

Hotohori: Please don’t encourage him…

Tasuki: Oh, yeah! LEKKA SHIEN!

The flames splash against Inuyasha’s kimono with absolutely no effect whatsoever. The half-demon dog smirks.

Inuyasha: Am I supposed to be impressed?

Amelia: Hey! I’m talking here!

Lina: Amelia…

Amelia: No, I will not shut-up! I’m talking about justice! FIREBALL!

All: YEEK!

They flatten themselves against the ground, except Inuyasha, who is, again, not impressed.

Inuyasha: Try these on for size: CLAWS OF STEEL!

Amelia: Mega Blast!

Inuyasha pivots in mid-flight to avoid the blast of wind and cuts down with his claws. Amelia dives and rolls, narrowly avoiding a slashing. Inuyasha lands and turns to face his half-naked opponent.

Amelia: You’re fighting me when I’m half-naked! Doesn’t that affect you at all? Aren’t I attractive? *sniffle* You think I’m ugly! Everybody hates me! Whaaaa!

Inuyasha crumbles in the face of her tears. Carefully, he cringes toward her, offering useless words of apology.

Inuyasha: I didn’t mean to make you cry. You just don’t notice things like that in a fight. I—I think you’re…um…pretty.

Amelia: No you don’t! You’re lying! Mega Brando!

No time to dodge before the flames shoot up out of the earth and launch Inuyasha into orbit. The other bishounen look upon Amelia with newfound fear.

Ashram: Unholy Kardis! She’s become one of…Them!

Tamahome: (eyes wide) No way! It can’t be! She’s not bish enough! It’s just the attitude! Some kind of trick!

Gourrigan: (in Lina’s ear) What are they talking about?

Lina: (shrugs) Hell if I know.

Xellos: Hm. I think they believe Amelia is becoming a bishoujo.

Rezo: Impossible. She’s just cute, not sexy.

Xellos: But she’s got the hooters for it…

Tasuki: #$%@-ing killer hooters!

Hotohori: Here we go again…

Later…

Xellos: How long do you think they can keep this up?

Rezo: They certainly are athletic.

Gourrigan: No kidding. I’m getting dizzy just watching them!

Lina: You’re always dizzy, doof!

Firia: What lap are they on?

Xellos: I lost count.

Zelgadis: 42.

Xellos: Say, isn’t that the answer to the question of life, the universe and everything?

All: HUH?!

The bishounen are leading the pack, running around the perimeter of the island. Close on their heels are the bishoujo, led by the still-topless, greatly-empowered Amelia. Every once in a while, the island shudders with a Mega Brando, and the bishounen scream and pick up the pace.

Even later…

The bishounen have fled in terror, returning to their home, paddling their outriggers like there’s no tomorrow. That leaves…

Amelia: Well, guys, it’s been great knowing you, but I’m a bishoujo now, so I have to go live with them. Gee, wish I could take you with me, but…you understand, don’t you? Can’t have lesser mortals rubbing shoulders with us bish!

Zelgadis : Just leave, already!

Amelia: But if you’re very nice to me, Zelgdis, I may allow you to mate with me!

Zelgadis: Not in this lifetime, sister.

Amelia: HA! You’re just intimidated by my incredible bishoujo strength, intelligence and charismatic personality!

Zelgadis: No, you’re just annoying and utterly unattractive to me.

Amelia tears up at that, eyes overflowing. She sniffles, struggles for control. The bishoujo glare at her.

Pirotess: No bishoujo would weep over a man!

Sailor Moon: Except for comic relief.

Akane: Right. Comic relief. Not for real.

Zelgadis: She’s comic relief no matter what she does…

Amelia looses it completely at that.

Amelia: WHAAAAAA! Zelgadis, you jerk! To deny our eternal love in front of all these people! How could you?!

The other Castaways look at Zelgadis:

Rezo: "Eternal love"?

Zelgadis: News to me.

Amelia: Zelgadis!

Deedlit: She’s not worthy, girls. Let’s go.

Amelia: No, wait! I was just trying to be funny! Comic relief! Ha-ha! That’s it! I was being silly!

The bishoujo frown, then turn and board their outriggers. As they paddle away, the Castaways chase after them into the sea.

Lina: No! Wait! At least give us a lift to Japan!

Firia: Come back!

Zelgadis: Say, Firia, couldn’t you just fly back to Japan?

Firia: Well…um…Hey! Why can’t you magic users just raywing there, or something?

Gourrigan: Who’ll carry me?! I can’t do that stuff! You guys can’t leave me here!

A short, blonde-haired woman in natty jeans and Poison Elves t-shirt steps out from behind one of the cameras and approaches the Castaways with a look of doom on her face. She glares at each in turn, making even Lina Inverse start shuffling her feet nervously.

QOS: If you idiots could leave the island that easily, we’d have no show! Now, do I have to take away your magic, or something? I’m writing the scripts, I can do that, you know.

They gasp in horror, and the magic users start waving their hands and shaking their heads against such a dire prospect. The Queen of Swords turns to Firia, who gulps fearfully.

QOS: Do I have to write it so you can’t change forms, honey?

Firia: N-n-no, m-m-m-ma’am!

QOS: Geez! I send the most gorgeous anime and manga characters ever to your island, and this is the thanks I get! You blow holes in my plot points! YOU MORONS! That’s how Gilligan’s Island was! They were a bunch of people, who packed damn near everything they owned for a "three hour tour", had this guy along who could make frickin’ spaceships outta coconuts, and they never got it on with each other, even though they were human beings stranded together for years on this stupid island! Holy frickin’ cow, people!

Jabs a finger in Zelgadis’ face. He gulps and sweatdrops.

QOS: Just you keep your smarty-pants ideas to yourself, young man, or I’ll have you and Amelia shacked up so fast, you won’t know what hit you!

Zelgadis: Gulp.

Amelia: Please?!

QOS: And put your shirt back on, will you?! I’m goin’ blind, here!

Amelia: Well, you wrote it that way…

Glare. Amelia puts on a Metallica t-shirt a cameraman throws her.

QOS: Right! You’re stranded here. Except for when I need you for Zelgadis On The Couch, get it?

Moans all around.

QOS: Be glad yer workin’!

Xellos: You’re not the only fanficker out there, you know.

QOS: Don’t start with me, Trickster-boy. Geez, I sleep with you one, stinkin’ night—

All but Xel: YOU SLEPT WITH HIM?!

Lina: When was this?

Firia: Oh, that is so gross.

Glare. The Queen stalks back to the camera crew. She claps her hands several times and shouts:

QOS: Alright, people! That’s a wrap! Let’s get crackin’ on next week’s script!

Zelgadis: You really did it with her?

Xellos: I was her dream date.

QOS: That’s "real for a day", buddy, not "dream date"!

Rezo: Whatever. (to Xellos) You really *ahem* with the director?

Lina: Wow, there really is a casting couch…

Xellos: Futon, actually.

Gourry: Was she any good?

A Birkenstock sandal wings through the air and knocks Gourry upside the head.

QOS: That’s it! Next ‘ep is yaoi, blondie!

All: No, no! Please! We’ll be good! No yaoi, please no yaoi!

QOS: Well…ok. No yaoi. You guys ain’t pretty enough for it, anyway.

All: HEY!

Let’s leave them there, shall we? The End.