crazy29.jpg (21198 bytes) CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED LOVE:
Chapter Twenty Nine

        Inu Yasha and Kagome were having a serious row over who should have custody of the Shikon Jewel fragments while Inu Yasha hid in the past. Kagome thought she should have them, as always. Inu Yasha thought he should take them with him to the past to keep them out of reach of Hisui and Mikoto. This argument had been going on for almost an hour on the beach outside the condo, utterly defeating the purpose of taking it outside, which was to avoid the listening devices inside. Not only could Gin on her rooftop perch hear the argument, so could a few dozen beach goers. Fortunately, the combatants had a bit of a code going between them, so to Gin it seemed they were just fighting over custody of the Jewel, which was perfectly logical to her. Frankly, she was on Inu Yasha’s side: He could definitely protect the thing much better than that human girl could, unless there was something about her Gin didn’t know, like maybe she had some kind of whiz-bang priestess power she hadn’t let on about.
        "Kagome, stop being stupid!" Inu Yasha screamed in her face. "I can protect the Jewel better than you can!"
        She narrowed her eyes at him for that "stupid" remark and growled back with a meaningful look: "No, you can’t. This isn’t even an issue!"
        "What do you mean it ‘isn’t an issue’?!" He shrieked back. "It’s the most important issue! It’s the only issue! Now give it to me, so I can get going!"
        Kagome shook her head.
        "Kagome…"
        She turned her back on him and stomped back toward the condo. "You’re going to be late, Inu Ya—WOOP!"
        He spun her about by the shoulder and reached into her blouse to rip the Jewel off her neck, only—"WHERE’S THE JEWEL, YOU CRAZY BITCH?!"
        Silence while Kagome glared at him. "’You crazy bitch"?" She repeated slowly, then took a step forward, poked him in the chest and said it again. He backed up, she poked him and said it again.
        Inu Yasha gulped and almost tripped. "I-I-I didn’t mean that. Y-you know how I am. Ha-ha! I just…um…you know, say things I don’t mean." Gulp.
        "’Crazy bitch’?"
        "I said I didn’t mean it!"
        Plop! Inu Yasha fell on his butt in the sand with a tiny yelp. "Wh-where’s the Jewel?"
        Kagome bent over with her hands on her hips to glare at him darkly, then all of a sudden she got a maniacal gleam in her eye and sneered: "Same place Hisui kept hers…"
        Inu Yasha gagged and turned a funny shade of green.
        "Just kidding!"
        Inu Yasha damn near fainted with relief. In a feeble voice, he asked her again: "Where’s the Jewel, Kagome?"
        She started off for the condo again. "It’s someplace safe, so stop worrying."
        Inu Yasha scrambled to his feet to catch up to her. "Where?"
        "People are listening, you know."
        He sighed and tugged on one of his wolf ears. "Fine. Whisper it in my ear."
        Kagome gave him a scary grin and kept walking.
        "Kagomeeeeee!" Inu Yasha turned her around by her shoulder and shook her. "This isn’t funny! I have to know where it is!"
        "No you don’t."
        "Yes I do!"
        "Do not!"
        "Do too!"
        "Not!"
        Inu Yasha felt like tearing out his hair. "Cut it out, Kagome! This is really important. I have to know where it is so I know for sure it’s safe."
        She frowned. "Don’t you trust me?"
        Why was she being so difficult? Inu Yasha dug his claws into the palms of his hands and growled his frustration. "I trust you. I just…I need to know. For my own peace of mind. Ok?"
        Kagome sighed. "You big idiot. You weren’t reaching low enough. They’re not in my shirt."
        Gulp.
        "They’re not there, either, Inu Yasha, so get your mind out of the gutter."
        He gulped again and considered his options. So the shards were in her shorts, which, he noticed, had no pockets. Not good. To take the shards by force, he’d have to get her shorts off, which he was sure she’d never forgive. Not that undressing her hadn’t crossed his mind a few times in the past…ok, more than a few times…but now would be a bad time to act on those fantasies. Wait a minute! Could the shards be in her shoes? He looked down and was disappointed to discover she was barefoot. So much for that idea. Definitely the shorts, then. Now what?
        Kagome’s expression was a mixture of threat and amusement as she watched him go over the possibilities in his mind. The only reason she’d put the shards in her panties was because Inu Yasha had taken the Jewel from her neck once before, and if a tactic succeeded once, Inu Yasha was sure to try it again. When he started looking like he was going to go for it, Kagome growled: "Don’t even think about."
        He pulled his hands back for a radical rethink. Ok, the shards were definitely in her pants. Calm down, he told himself when his heart started racing at the very thought of "in Kagome’s pants". He squinted at her shorts, trying to see telltale lumps to show where the shards were, but the shorts were too baggy. Well, if the shorts were loose, they couldn’t hold the shards in place, which meant one of two things: Either she’d glued the shards to her skin, or they were tucked into those little silky things he’d found in the dirty laundry basket in the condo. Silky things laden with female scent, which indicated they were worn right next to the female body, which meant they were snug enough to keep the jewel shards from falling out. Now that he’d reasoned it through, it made perfect sense. He still didn’t approve of it as a hiding place, though, since anybody who wanted to steal the shards would have to undress his woman to get to them. Furthermore, did she plan to keep them there until he returned, even during the Mermaid Ball?
        "Stop staring, Inu Yasha," Kagome growled, barely able to stifle a giggle at his scarlet face and twitching ears. "I’ve taped them to my tummy, so they won’t slide around. See? You have nothing to worry about."
        His ears dipped at that. "Unless somebody attacks you, which you can bet they will without me around!"
        "Hell-lo!" Kagome waved her hand in front of his face and glared at him like he was a moron. "You’re not the only person who can fight, Inu Yasha. What about Sango? Or Miroku? Or Shunusuke and Yuki? And," she shook a finger in his face and almost lost her momentum when he crossed his eyes to look at it, "you’re working for Sesshomaru now, and if anything happens to me, it’ll be a slap in the face to him because I’m your girlfriend." She gave the end of his nose a playful tap and added with a cute, little pout: "I think I’ll be ok for one, little night without you—but make sure it’s only one night, ok? Don’t take up with some cute princess, or something, and forget all about boring old Kagome!"
        "I don’t think you’re boring," he protested before realizing she was only teasing him. He bent to kiss her, but she felt like playing hard to get and made him chase her around the beach for a little while before finally letting him catch her.
        Up on the roof, Gin stuck her tongue out at the happy couple, then turned her back on them to sulk. At least Kagome’s man paid attention to her. Shinai only noticed his silver furred admirer when she pissed him off. Stupid fox, hung up on that Hisui bitch, who just used him then ground him under her heel. Gin couldn’t believe Shinai kept coming back for more, even after the arrival of Sesshomaru. Now that man was more than a match for Hisui Oukami. Gin bet Hisui didn’t get away with any of her usual shit with Sesshomaru. He was too cool for that, like her boss. Mikoto and Sesshomaru understood that the world they lived in was controlled by humans and their technology, unlike Hisui who only cared about modern fashions and parties. It was a wonder the woman could use a cell phone!
        As soon as she thought it, Gin knew she was underestimating the Great Demon of the North. Hisui had a bigger clue than she let on about, of that Gin was certain. Why else would Mikoto let her push him around all the time? Unless he was just pacifying her until she went away so he could get on with his life. Yup. That was probably it. She just couldn’t believe Shinai let Hisui wrap him around her little finger! He was much too good for her. Much, much too good. After all, Hisui was just a dog. (So was Mikoto, but Gin chose to ignore that for the sake of dissing Hisui.)
        "I even took up surfing for that guy!" She muttered under her breath. At least it was fun—and if it hadn’t been for her crush on Shinai, she never would’ve discovered it. It would be more fun if he’d surf with her. Did it bother him that they worked for different people? Mikoto was Hisui’s son, wasn’t that close enough? (Personally, Gin felt she’d made the more intelligent career choice of the two.)
        She lay on her back and watched the clouds roll across the sky. Those damned Asano kids had found all her bugs and disabled them, but Gin didn’t feel like leaving her nice, warm puddle of sunshine just yet. The sun-heated roof tiles felt fabulous against her back, as did the sun on her face, softly dappled by the swaying branches of the nearby trees. In a little while the ocean’s rhythmic crashing and the cozy warmth of her perch put her to sleep.


        Shunusuke slumped against the back of his chair with a weary sigh and massaged his temples. That kitsune had a tough skull. It had taken him twice as long to put her to sleep as it would have if she’d been human. Hard work, that. "I need a nap," he complained to his sister, who waited at his elbow with a glass of ice water.
        "Here, drink some water," she suggested gently, "then go lay down."
        Miroku nodded and observed grimly: "I think we’re in for a busy night. Maybe we should all get some rest." He caught Yuki’s eye and chuckled. "No, I really mean it. Just rest this time."
        "No snuggles?" Yuki pouted. "I promise to behave…"
        Oh brother. Shunusuke gave Yuki his empty glass and retreated to his room with a disgusted: "If I hear one, single pant out of either of you, I’m sending Yuki off to the hotel with Kagome—and don’t think I won’t do it! I need sleep!" He slammed the door behind him.
        Yuki crossed her arms and huffed: "What a grouch."
        The door flew open, and Shunusuke snapped: "I am not grouchy!" SLAM!
        "He’s just mad because Sango wanted to go stake out the hotel with Shippo and Myouga instead of staying here with him," Yuki declared with a toss of her raven hair.
        Miroku kissed her cheek with a wicked grin. "In that case, we’d better make sure she dances with him tonight, or he’ll be completely impossible."
        "So," Yuki asked casually, "who gets first watch, you or me?"
        He scratched his head. "I’ll do it. Pleasant dreams."
        They had a quick kiss, then Yuki went into the other bedroom while Miroku sat on the porch where he could watch the approach to the condo. This also gave him a nice view of Inu Yasha’s and Kagome’s farewell kiss, which didn’t make him feel warm and fuzzy as it normally would. Inu Yasha should’ve been on his way long before now. He wanted to shout to his friend to get going but was afraid he’d wake up Gin, so he just waved from the porch until he got the demon’s attention, then made angry "get out of here, you moron" gestures.
        Inu Yasha opened his mouth to yell at the priest, but Miroku’s meaningful pointing at the sleeping kitsune on the roof turned his anger to amusement. Some spy she was, falling asleep on the job. Inu Yasha kissed Kagome again, then took to the sky.
        Kagome and Miroku watched him become a pink dot in the distance, then disappear altogether.


        Theirs weren’t the only eyes watching Inu Yasha’s departure. Aside from several vacationers who happened to look up and see what appeared to be an unusual pink bird of some kind, there were the spies Mikoto and Hisui had placed along Inu Yasha’s projected route to the well. Sesshomaru was sticking with his two human operatives at the shrine, confident that they were all he’d need to counter his opponents’ supernatural creatures. To mortals, they were famous stars of Hong Kong cinema. But Sesshomaru suspected humans would think working for a powerful demon lord only added to the mystique that already surrounded those legendary martial artists. What would humans think if they knew who bankrolled John Woo’s movies and employed one of his favorite actors? Then again, who would have suspected Lord Sesshomaru, the Great Demon of the Western Lands, was a die hard Hong Kong action movie fan? A little smile lifted his lips as he thought Inu Yasha would probably like those kinds of movies, too. Brotherly bonding. What a concept.
        "Lord Sesshomaru!" Jaken called out, then shrieked when Shippo shoved him out of the way and hopped up onto Sesshomaru’s table. "You filthy mutt! Get down from there!"
        Shippo fluffed his tail angrily and snarled: "Who’s a mutt, Toady?"
        "’Toady’?!" Jaken fumed. "How dare you call me…ooh! You flea-bitten little furball!"
        "That will be enough, Jaken," Sesshomaru commanded with a wave of his hand. He turned a sour frown on the tiny kitsune, who was perched too close to his computer for Sesshomaru’s comfort. "Sit here—Shippo, is it?"
        Shippo nodded and jumped onto the chair Sesshomaru patted at his right. Jaken sat down on his Lord’s left with no small amount of complaint. "He’s gone," Shippo told the Great Demon and snatched a rice ball from Sesshomaru’s plate, "bud I gesh you know dat."
        "Swallow, then speak," Sesshomaru sighed. He pulled his plate out of the kitsune’s reach, then flagged down a waiter and ordered more rice balls and some tea for his companions. "I see my brother has found other cretins to associate with. Do none of you have manners?"
        Shippo pouted. "I was hungry, and you weren’t eating them…"
        "Just because you didn’t see him eating them, doesn’t make them fair game!" Jaken scolded.
        Shippo stuck his tongue out at Jaken. "Anyway," he asked Sesshomaru, "what now?"
        The Demon Lord gave him a lazy look and a smug little smirk. "Now you do nothing. Enjoy the Mermaid Ball tonight, and leave the rest to me."
        Shippo wasn’t entirely sure he was ready to trust Sesshomaru to take care of whatever "the rest" entailed. In fact, he wondered if this whole thing with hiring Inu Yasha and helping him keep his secret was just a big front, and Sesshomaru was really planning to kill his brother when he was at his weakest and take the jewel shards for himself. Or was he really working with Hisui, not against her, as he was leading Inu Yasha to believe?
        "You don’t trust me," Sesshomaru said flatly, then shrugged. "I assure you, nothing will happen to Inu Yasha or any of you, if you follow my orders. After you’ve eaten the rice balls I’ve ordered for you, go back to the condo and get ready for a pleasant evening at the dance. Inu Yasha will be safely on the other side of the well until tomorrow."
        Shippo wasn’t convinced but decided there was nothing he could do about it now except watch and wait. And eat rice balls with Sesshomaru and his disgusting creature Jaken. Ugh. He could think of more pleasant company.


        Inu Yasha soared over Tokyo, every sense alert for enemies. He was surprised none of the oni he’d felt had tried to stop him from leaving the resort. In their place, he would’ve been all over that opportunity. What were they waiting for? Surely they weren’t waiting till he actually reached the shrine. In his mind, it seemed a better plan to stop him before he got anywhere near his goal. Yet, all the oni did was follow him. Interesting. It wasn’t as if they couldn’t fly, too, so why follow him on the ground in cars? Were they really so concerned about what humans would make of supernatural creatures fighting in the skies over their heads? Hm. Well, whenever they chose to attack, he was ready for them.
        He thought about the humans his brother had placed at the shrine to help him. Sesshomaru had seemed pretty confident earlier, when he’d described his operatives and their equipment.
        "They’re known as Jackie Chan and Chow Yun Fat," Sesshomaru had explained as he handed Inu Yasha photographs of the two men. "They’re martial artists and experts with anti-youkai weaponry—which I designed, by the way. Humans think these men are just actors in action films."
        "You designed weapons to kill your own kind?" Inu Yasha had gasped in disbelief but when he’d thought about it, it had made sense. Tetsusaiga was a youkai slayer, and Sesshomaru had always been pretty keen on having that blade or one like it. No surprise then, that he would design anti-youkai weapons for his operatives, especially when his enemies seemed to use demons, as Mikoto and Hisui did. Huh. Smart man, this brother of his.
        "You’ll be trained to use such weapons, as well" Sesshomaru had replied, then smirked. "I can’t believe Tetsusaiga’s master has a problem with youkai killing weapons. You’re such a hypocrite, Inu Yasha."
        Inu Yasha’s face burned at the memory of his brother’s insult. "I’m not a hypocrite," he thought as he flew toward the shrine, "I just didn’t think it through. And I don’t have a problem with it, either!" Of course he didn’t. Most of his enemies were youkai, and killing them had never given him a crisis of conscience. He’d just open his mouth before engaging his brain and made an ass of himself in front of his jerk brother.
        When he got close to the shrine, the cars sped up to arrive ahead of him and were discharging both blue and red oni by the time Inu Yasha touched down outside the mini shrine containing the well. Much to his surprise, there was no one there to meet him, friend or foe. However, a few good sniffs solved that mystery: Whoever had been there to meet him was dead, he could smell them. No bodies were in view, which told him someone had hidden them. His allies? Where were they? Sesshomaru said they’d meet him here. Hell with them if they got themselves killed, he was out of there!
        Just as Inu Yasha stepped into the mini shrine, the oni entered the grounds and the air was instantly filled with a riot of gunshots. Inu Yasha heard a thump just behind him and spun on his heel to find the back of a human male filling the door way. He was shooting into a group of oni, who were trying to get past him into the shrine. How did he not smell this guy before?
        "What are you waiting for?" The man called over his shoulder. "Get out of here! Go!"
        "Where’s Kagome’s family?!"
        He fired more shots into the attackers. "Someplace safe! Far away!"
        Inu Yasha hesitated. One human against more than a dozen oni (that he could see). Where was the other one? This one was Chan, where was that Fat guy?
        "What in the hell are you just standing around for?! You think I’m doing this for fun?"
        Inu Yasha growled and drew his sword, meaning to push the human out of the way and show him how to kill a big pack of oni all in one sweep, but that just got him a powerful kick in the gut that sent him flying off the platform and into the well. He appeared in the past with a loud curse and would’ve gone straight back through to the future if he didn’t have company.
        "Oh gods, not Naraku!" He moaned to himself. "Not now! Shit!" In order to go forward in time, he had to get out of the well, then jump back in again, but there was a swarm of Naraku’s insects swirling in a lethal cloud over his head. That didn’t necessarily mean his nemesis was at the well, but it did indicate he was close enough to manipulate his bugs.
        He was pretty sure he could make it with minimal injury if he jumped straight up then dropped back into the well, but then Naraku’s spies would see him disappear. No, wait. They’d already seen him appear out of nowhere, so the jig was up no matter what he did. That decided, he took a deep breath and sprang, going through the insects, then back down again into the future…
        …to find a rifle pointing at him from above and Jackie Chan taking aim. Inu Yasha cursed, then realized the target was the bugs he’d brought back with him. Pop! Pop! Pop! Each insect dropped to the ground with a hole in its head, dead.
        "Get out of here! Chan shouted at him. "You already wasted enough time!"
        Inu Yasha didn’t like anybody telling him what to do, especially a human. He could hear the fighting outside the mini shrine, and every fiber of his being begged to get right into the middle of it. But Chan was right: He was late arriving at the shrine and was wasting time now. Soon any supernatural creature would be able to smell that he was losing his youkai powers, and his secret would get back to Hisui or Mikoto or both. He had to go back to the past, even though Naraku’s creatures (and maybe Naraku, himself) awaited him there. But then Naraku, his worst enemy, would know the truth! Dammit! He couldn’t win, no matter what he did!
        Chan pulled a pistol out of his jacket and pointed it into the well while continuing to fire on the oni trying to get into the shrine. "Get the hell out of here!"
        "What are you gonna do?" Inu Yasha sneered as he jumped out of the well and landed on the platform behind his ally. "Kill me?" With that, he ran past Chan and out the door through a hailstorm of bullets, which ripped chunks out of his kimono armor and tore his skin. He brought Tetsusaiga up, then down into the earth with a roar. The earth shook as light flew from the blade. Sesshomaru’s human assassins flattened themselves on the ground. When all was quiet again, the only youkai left in the shrine grounds was Inu Yasha. He looked over his shoulder to give Jackie Chan a smug snicker, then sheathed Tetsusaiga and walked back to the mini shrine.
        "Any questions?" He snorted and offered the man a hand up. It was declined, which troubled Inu Yasha not at all. He’d have done the same.
        "You missed one," Chan told him as he shoved Inu Yasha aside and joined his partner, who was already chasing the escapee.
        Inu Yasha ran after them, leaping into the air off the top of the steps. The street was empty. Shit! That meant it had been youkai. He ignored the burning pain where the bullets had gotten him, but he knew he was bleeding heavily and would start to get weaker soon. If only this wasn’t that night! He could feel the youkai in his blood subsiding, leaving him with a body that couldn’t heal itself as quickly as he was accustomed to. Nothing unusual on the streets below, just ordinary humans going about their ordinary business.
        It took Inu Yasha a few moments to notice the stench of blood filling his nostrils was his own. A cut on the side of his head drizzled blood down his face and onto his chin. Inu Yasha absently wiped it away. There were only a few hours left before he started to take on physical human traits. Plenty of time to stop a spy, Inu Yasha figured with a smirk. But if his enemy was a kitsune, it could take many forms and blend in nicely with the humans who walked or drove through this vast city. It didn’t take Inu Yasha long to realize he’d lost his prey and settle onto a rooftop to plan his next move. He wished he had a phone, then realized he didn’t know Sesshomaru’s number to tell him what had happened. Oh well, those Chinese guys probably called him already. Heh. Sesshomaru was probably pretty pissed at him right about now.
        So, he thought, what to do? Continue to search for the escapee, or leave damage control to Sesshomaru and his minions? Either way, there was no safe place for him. Naraku waited on the other side of the well, and discovery by Hisui and Mikoto on this side. He could probably fight his way through the insects, even in his wounded condition, but if Naraku was nearby, he’d seen him as a human! Even if one of his bugs saw him and got away, it would tell Naraku his secret. Well, Inu Yasha decided, there was nothing for it but to get back to the resort and try to kill the spy before they could tell their employer Inu Yasha didn’t smell quite as youkai today.


        Back at the resort, Sesshomaru was already handling it. No matter who the escapee was, they had probably already reported in to their superior, be that Hisui or Mikoto. What the spy knew was what concerned Sesshomaru most. If they were human, they wouldn’t be able to tell Inu Yasha was changing yet. However, if they were youkai, or even an oni… "My brother is an idiot," he muttered as he worked the phone, moving his people into position to intercept the spy. He wondered where Inu Yasha was. Not in the past, that much had been confirmed by Chan and Fat, who’d seen Inu Yasha take off after the enemy. They’d also noted his brother was bleeding rather profusely from a number of bullet wounds, wounds his human body couldn’t heal in the way that his youkai body could. He’d be weak, at the very least, depending upon the severity of his injuries. Logically, Inu Yasha should have reasoned that his quarry would return to the resort to report to their boss, but Inu Yasha wasn’t always logical and he was hurt. Either or both things might keep him in the city, unless by some miracle he decided to follow orders and go home through the well. Chan’s mention of youkai insects was troubling, since the only way they could’ve gotten to this time was through the well with Inu Yasha. Their presence also indicated the past might not be a safe place for his brother tonight, after all. Regardless, Inu Yasha had to be found before sundown.
        Sesshomaru rubbed his temples and wondered why things never did seem to go quite right when Inu Yasha was involved. He picked up the phone, then set it down again, unable to decide if he should inform Inu Yasha’s friends, or wait to be sure of his brother’s position and situation. He decided to wait for more information and flagged down a waiter to bring him another Midori and soda while he waited for his operatives to report in and the sun to go down.


        In the shadow of a dumpster behind a row of shops Inu Yasha sat in a growing puddle of his own blood and tried to stay conscious.


Chapter 30