"You have the right to an attorney . If you cannot afford an attorny , we will supply you with the stupidest , 1st year law student dumb-ass slacker we can find on the continent" - Lethal Weapon 4

        The three travelers sat silently in Lina’s jail cell, their heads bowed, wishing they could discuss escape, except there was a guard in the cell with them, and six more outside of it. Whoever was holding Lina prisoner wasn’t taking any chances. If it wasn’t for the spell on her manacles, she could’ve blown the place up. Speaking of that spell, Lina was just dying to meet the mage who’d cast it because it was completely unfamiliar and felt incredibly powerful. Icedrake was singularly unenlightening on the subject. Actually, she was in a snit because Lina the bandit killer had suddenly gone all humanitarian on her. Furthermore, Firedrake wouldn’t speak to her, which was more a disappointment than a surprise. So she sulked on Lina’s forehead while the humans sulked in the cell across from them.
        "I heard somebody say they were gonna put you on trial, Lina," Gourry told her suddenly.
        Lina’s jaw stiffened. "Is that so?"
        Gourry and Naga nodded. "That’s what I heard," Gourry said.
        "It’s true," the guard inside the cell confirmed with a smug smirk. "Lina Inverse the bandit killer will finally have to answer for her crimes!"
        Gourry braced himself for an onslaught, but Lina just glared at the guard and said nothing. Naga wound up for a rant, but a look of death from Lina silenced her in puzzlement.
        "It was self-defense," Naga pouted, "wasn’t it, Lina? Those bandits were threatening us!"
        But I was the only one who drew a weapon, Lina thought. Of course, she and her companions had been doing lots of talking about killing bandits and taking their treasure. In a full room, somebody—lots of somebodies—had to have overheard them. The bandits sure did. Come to think of it, Lina wasn’t sure those guys had been bandits, outside of them seeming to take umbrage to her plans. They had to be bandits. Had to be. Anyway, they were dead now, and if she wasn’t going to have to testify about—
        "Did you say they’re going to put me on trial?" She asked Gourry curiously. "Like, in a court room with a judge, jury and everything? Or just some guy who’ll tell me I killed people so now I gotta pay?"
        "I think they’re gonna have a big trial," Gourry told her.
        Naga nodded. "It’s supposed to be a big deal. I heard they’re bringing in a special prosecutor for it."
        The guard snickered. "That’s right. You’re goin’ down, Inverse! For all of your crimes, all over the world—everything. This is Judgement Day, and we’re gonna send you straight to Hell!"
        "What are you?" Lina sneered. "Some kind of bandit worshipper?"
        He gave her a disgusted look. "Don’t you even know where you are?"
        Lina exchanged looks with her companions, then scratched her head and gave the guard a confused look. Now that she thought about it, she didn’t know what town this was. "Ok, where am I?"
        "You’re in Rratsnek, home of—"
        "—ye gods!" Lina interrupted him in a gasp of terror. Her face paled, as her heart pounded in her chest. Rratsnek…home of senseless lawsuits and people who trilled their R’s. More Lawyers per square foot than any other city, including Seyruun…all of them just in it for the money, not justice. Those guys in the Inn were probably just looking to get injured so they could sue her, never imagining they’d actually get killed. The Innkeeper and every patron present had probably already filed suit against her. Hell, the families of the bandits were probably suing, too, along with other bandits, who were probably accusing her of some kind of bias against them. And they’d hired a special prosecutor to deal with her case…"Just kill me…"
        "All in good time," the guard sneered.
        It was all Gourry could do to keep from punching him for it, but he didn’t want to end up on trial, too. Even he had heard of Rratsnek. He just wished they’d known this town was Rratsnek before stopping there. If they had, they would’ve circled miles around it.
        Even Naga looked grim. "This is bad, Lina. You’ll never get a fair trial in Rratsnek if you can’t afford a good lawyer. How much cash have you got?"
        Lina laughed, a dry, sharp, mocking bark that made everyone’s hackles stand up. "They confiscated my money, I’m sure. Maybe they’ll let you use it to buy me a lawyer, Naga," she joked.
        "Don’t worry, Inverse," the guard told her, "the Public Defender has taken your case—"
        "Public Defender?!" Lina all but shrieked. "In Rratsnek?! Are you crazy?! I’ll hire somebody. Naga, call Zhara. She has to know somebody. If not her, Url."
        Naga nodded with a grim look and reached into her cloak for her crystal ball only to remember it had been confiscated when she came to visit Lina in prison. She gave Lina a weak chuckle, then stood up and struck a confident pose in front of the guard. She was tall, he was not, so her breasts were just about at his eye level and immediately captured all of his attention. "I need my crystal ball so I can arrange for a decent lawyer for Lina."
        *stare*
        Naga grinned and tweaked him on the cheek. "Where is my crystal ball, you adorable little man?" *jiggle-jiggle*
        *ga-ga*
        Naga straightened up and frowned at him. "Hopeless." She turned to the other guards. "Let me out of here, so I can call Lina’s lawyer!"
        One of the guards opened the cell and led her out. Naga turned to him with an evil grin and purred: "I better get my crystal ball back, or I’ll sue you for improper search and seizure! So there! OH-HOHOHOHOHOOOO!"
        *cringe*
        As the guard led Naga away, Gourry reached out to hold Lina’s hand. "Don’t worry, Lina. Zhara’s got to know a good lawyer. Maybe she IS a lawyer! She seems to know a lot of things."
        Lina nodded with a troubled look on her face. She didn’t even try to look hopeful for Gourry’s sake. She was a high-profile sorceress, accused of a crime in Rratsnek. She knew for damn sure they wouldn’t remove these manacles with their anti-sorcery spell until the trial was over and they’d hung her—and that’s what would happen, because Lina Inverse hadn’t a prayer in the world of surviving a trial in Rratsnek unless she could find a lawyer that was better, more ruthless and even more crooked than the ones who would be prosecuting her case. In fact, she might just need a team of attorneys to handle this. Where was she going to find lawyers she could trust? She didn’t know any lawyers! Never had a use for one. Oh, this really sucked.
        ::Zhara doesn’t know anybody. You need to talk to Urlich. He knows all the lawyers of the rich and famous::
        "Why didn’t you say something before?!" Lina hissed under her breath.
        *snicker*
        "I hate Mazoku."

        Zhara’s jaw dropped when she heard where Lina was and what she’d done. "Icedrake," she muttered. "It was Icedrake. Dammit! I thought Lina Inverse could handle a blade like that!"
        "Icedrake?" Naga asked, puzzled, then remembered. "Oh! You mean her sword killed those bandits, and Lina couldn’t stop it?"
        Zhara nodded weakly. "Hungry my ass. When is the trial scheduled to begin?"
        Naga opened her mouth, then realized she didn’t know. "Let me check. Be right back!" She set down the crystal ball and ran to the door to ask the guard outside of it when Lina’s trial was supposed to start. When she opened the door, he tumbled into the room and landed face first on the floor. Naga gave him her most maniacal grin. "I hope you have a warrant for that spying you were doing!"
        He scrambled to his feet and glared at her, redfaced. "I wasn’t spying! I was bending over to pick something up, then you opened the door!"
        Naga’s grin got wider. "Mm-hmmm."
        He straightened his uniform, smoothed his hair and put his cap back on his head. "You wanted to ask me something?"
        "Ah-HA! So you were listening! How else could you know I wanted to ask you a question and didn’t just want to go somewhere?!"
        "Maybe you wanted to ask me to take you somewhere," he retorted, "which would be a question."
        Naga bit her lip. She really didn’t have time for this game, entertaining as it was. "When is Lina Inverse’s trial scheduled to start?"
        "Tomorrow morning, one hour after sunrise, in the Hall of Justice."
        Naga frowned. "Are you sure? That’s hardly enough time for her to get a good lawyer."
        "Not my problem," the guard fired back indignantly. "Anything else?"
        Naga smiled sweetly and jiggled at him. "No, that will be all for now." She closed the door in his face and returned to the crystal ball to tell Zhara what she’d learned.
        Zhara cursed. "That only gives me eight hours to get somebody there." She gnawed on one of her claws and went through all the people she knew who could defend Lina’s case. "Urlich would know more people than I do. Call him, Naga. If you can’t reach him, then call me back and I’ll do what I can."
        "Right." Naga changed her spell to seek out Urlich. It took her three tries to raise him, and when he answered, it appeared she’d awakened him from a deep sleep.
        "Naga. What do you want?" He grumbled.
        "Lina’s going to be put on trial in Rratsnek," the sorceress told him without preamble, "and she needs a good lawyer because they got a special prosecutor to—"
        "A special prosecutor to try Lina Inverse in Rratsnek?!" Urlich was now fully awake and trying to pull on his pants with one hand while holding the crystal ball where Naga couldn’t get an eyeful. "What are you people doing taking Lina Inverse to Rratsnek?! They’ll eat her alive!"
        "Well we didn’t know that’s where we were," Naga huffed. "And it wasn’t her fault. The bandits…provoked her." She looked away with pink on her cheeks and reluctantly confessed: "And Zhara thinks Lina’s new sword controlled her."
        Urlich stopped just as he was about to start buttoning his shirt. "Icedrake?" He shook his head with a derisive snort. "Doesn’t surprise me, coming from Eileah. What’s she accused of?"
        "Murder," Naga told him. "She killed three bandits."
        "Allegedly killed three bandits," Urlich corrected her. "Learn that word and use it often."
        Naga nodded and socked the new vocabulary word away for future reference.
        "What about you and Gourry?" Urlich asked.
        She shrugged. "I think they just want Lina."
        "Ok, good. I can deal with that better than defending three cases at once," Urlich muttered. "When’s the trial start?"
        "You’re a lawyer?" Naga asked skeptically.
        "Not in centuries," Url shot back. "I only took it up to take my mind off things. I studied and practiced in Rratsnek so I wouldn’t have to deal with the justice thing. When’s the trial, Naga?"
        "Why’d you quit?"
        He paused with his hand on his jacket to glare at her. "I had a crisis of conscience. The trial…?"
        "Being a lawyer was too twisted for a half-Mazoku—"
        "NAGA!"
        "Tomorrow morning," she told him with a pout. "You don’t have to get all bent out of shape!" She could see Urlich’s companions moving about behind him by now. Zelgadis looked extremely unhappy and a little worried. Sylph was deeply concerned, but Lita just looked tired.
        "Rratsnek?" Lita yawned. "Isn’t that that place where everybody sues each other for no reason?"
        "And they’ll tear Lina to pieces," Zelgadis grunted at her as he strapped on his sword. "Damn them. Of all the places for her to go—what in the hell was she thinking?!"
        "We didn’t know it was Rratsnek, ok?!" Naga growled at him. That line of talk was getting really old. "Now they have Lina in a nasty dungeon, chained to a wall with a spell that will burn off her hands and feet if she tries to use magic!"
        The action on the other end of the crystal ball stopped. "Are you sure?" Sylph asked with a look of great concern on her face, her fuzzy ears flattened against her skull.
        Naga nodded.
        "Not a rare spell…" the kitsune mused, "but difficult to cast at the level needed to imprison a mage of Lina Inverse’s power. I wonder who cast it?"
        Urlich shook his head. "I think we need to find out. I might be able to find a loop hole in our favor for using such a destructive spell on her."
        "Well, she did kill three bandits," Naga told him hesitantly, "but Zhara said—"
        "It was Icedrake. Yeah, I got that part," Urlich retorted, "and you’re forgetting our word for the day."
        "Allegedly," Naga said proudly. "Right. I can remember that."
        "You just forgot," Zelgadis told her sourly. "How could Lina let this happen to her at a time like this?! I have to get to that battleground!"
        "What’s this?" Url mocked, totally forgetting his promise to Sylph not to goad Zelgadis. "An unselfish act? Are you going to help me rescue Lina, instead of finding your clue, Zelgadis? I’m shocked!"
        Zel punched him, sending the crystal ball sailing across the room, and turning Naga’s view into a whirl of images until at last someone caught it. The view cleared, and Naga found herself looking at Lita Sorez. Lita gave her an uncertain smile. Out of view, Naga could hear Sylph shouting at Urlich and Zelgadis to remember the promise they’d made to her not to fight, and Zel and Urlich telling her to butt out. There was also the sounds of a struggle. Lita cringed. "Um, you guys? This isn’t going to help Lina…"
        Punch! Sock! Oof!
        "KNOCK IT OFF!" Sylph shouted.
        Struggle, scuff, scuff.
        "I MEAN NOW!"
        There was a bright flash of light, then Naga saw Lita cautiously open her eyes and gulp. "Wasn’t that a little extreme, Sylph?"
        "No," the kitsune was heard to mutter angrily. "Now, Zelgadis and I can continue on to the battle ground to find his clue, while Urlich and Lita go to Rratsnek to help Lina. Got it?"
        "No I don’t ‘got it’," Zelgadis snarled. "You think I trust him to get Lina off the hook?"
        "Better than you trying the case, Stone Boy!" Urlich growled back."
        "Piss off, Pretty Boy!"
        "Piss on this!"
        "URLICH AND LITA ARE GOING TO RRATSNEK, AND ZELGADIS AND I ARE GOING TO THE BATTLEGROUND!" Sylph glared at each in turn. "End of story."
        "It’s not your decision to make—" Zelgadis began.
        "Look, Zel," Sylph retorted, "if you were so concerned about Lina, you wouldn’t have gone off without telling her—"
        "That was different! I was trying to avoid Urlich and Lita, not Lina!"
        Sylph said nothing for a little while. "Ok, Zel. What do you want to do? Bag your clue and risk getting dragged into Lina’s court case? You’ve been her buddy for a long time now, so maybe somebody in Rratsnek will get the bright idea of dredging up charges against you, too. Not to mention Gourry, who was also with you. I really think it’s in your best interest to be selfish right now."
        Pause.
        "Ok, you talked me into it."
        Long pause.
        "I did?" Sylph’s suspicious voice asked. "You’re not going to show up in Rratsnek, are you?"
        "You said that would be bad, remember?" Zel reminded her mockingly.
        "He is gonna show up in Rratsnek," Urlich growled, "just in time to fuck up my case."
        "I’m sure you can do that perfectly well without my help."
        "Guys…" Sylph warned.
        Lita looked into the crystal ball and sighed. "Tell Lina Urlich’ll be there soon. Maybe me, too, and whoever else. Definitely Urlich, ok?"
        Naga hesitated for a moment, then nodded.
        "Give me that!" The crystal ball was snatched out of Lita’s hand, then suddenly Naga was looking at Zelgadis’ angry face. "Tell Lina not to let this go to trial, Naga. She doesn’t have a prayer in Rratsnek, even if the Lord of Nightmares came down to be her lawyer." He paused to frown, then chuckled. "Scratch that. It’d be a lot worse if she had L-Sama for her lawyer. She’s better off with Urlich."
        "Thank you!" Urlich grabbed the ball from Zelgadis. "I’ll be there in a few minutes. Meet me where they’re holding Lina."
        The crystal went dark before Naga could even reply.

        "You’re my lawyer?" Lina asked incredulously when Urlich was escorted into her cell.
        Instead of answering her, he glared at the guard who followed him inside the cell and told him imperiously: "I have a right to consult with my client in private. The rest of you must leave."
        "We have orders to stay with her no matter—" the guard began, but Url cut him off with a dark look.
        "Fine. Stay. I’ll raise the issue in court…"
        The guards exchanged worried looks, then reluctantly left, leading the protesting Lita, Naga and Gourry out with them.
        "It’s alright," Urlich told them. "Go on." When they were all alone, Urlich crouched down in front of Lina, looked her over, then gently lifted her headband to peek under it. "Ah," he said, then replaced the headband.
        "You don’t really plan to let me go through a trial, do you?"
        Urlich shrugged and gestured about the cell block, then tapped his ear. Listening spells. Lina nodded. "I don’t think we have a choice, though I hope to motion for a continuation and change of venue."
        "A…?"
        "Continuation and change of venue. To have the trial moved to a later date and different place. I also hope to get you released into someone’s custody, possibly mine."
        "Where’s Zel?" Lina asked. "Did he come with you?" She didn’t expect he would, not with his new nature, and wasn’t surprised to have her suspicions confirmed.
        "He and Sylph went on to find the clue," Urlich told her. "Lita came with me. I’m sorry I couldn’t find you anybody else on such short notice, but don’t worry: I do have some experience practicing in Rratsnek."
        Lina grimaced. "Gee, Url, I’m sorry…"
        He chuckled. "It was only for about five years, so don’t get too excited. I soon came to my senses, though I sort of miss the ill gotten gain."
        "No wonder they’re prosecuting me for bandit killing," Lina joked, "it’s too close to home."
        Urlich grinned. "No kidding. Let me have a look at those manacles, ok?"

        Jessica shook Amelia awake to tell her the news about Lina. They were in Seyruun, having arrived that evening, much to Prince Phil’s elation. He was even happier to see that Zelgadis wasn’t with them and to learn that Urlich was still in the chimera’s company. Now all that had changed, but Jessica figured Phil would get over it, since Sylph was now minding Zelgadis. In Jessica’s opinion, Zel would get much more done in Sylph’s company and be less likely to try to go solo again than he would with Urlich to irritate him. She just wished the circumstances were different.
        "Miss Lina’s on trial where?!" The Princess squeaked in horror when Jessica told her the latest. "Those people don’t care a thing about Justice! Rratsnek is a mockery of all the glorious values of Seyrunn! They spit in the face of Justice and Truth and only serve their own selfish greed!"
        "Yes, well—"
        Amelia jumped up on the bed and struck a pose. "And those fiends have Miss Lina in their vile clutches! What is she being tried for, Queen Jessica? No! Don’t tell me! Whatever it is, the charges are surely trumped up and utterly false!"
        "The murder of three bandits."
        Amelia deflated. "She’s screwed."
        "Maybe not," Jessica replied uncertainly, "Urlich has taken her case."
        Amelia glared. "You’re joking."
        Jessica shook her head. "He practiced law in Rratsnek for five years about three hundred years ago—"
        "Just five years?!" Amelia sputtered. "Three whole centuries ago?! Miss Jessica, they change their so-called laws every day in Rratsnek! Oh, poor Miss Lina! Why don’t Gourry and Naga bust her out of there?!"
        Jessica raised her eyebrows at the Princess with a bemused look. "I can’t believe the Princess of Seyruun is suggesting a jail break."
        "In Rratsnek? Yes!"
        "So far, they haven’t charged Gourry or Naga," Jessica told her, still looking amused, "and Zhara didn’t know anything about a jailbreak. I don’t think they’ll try it, however."
        Amelia paused as she opened the closet door to find something to wear. "Why not?"
        "There’s a very powerful spell on Lina’s chains that will burn off her hands and feet if she tries to use magic. Urlich’s looking into it, I’m sure."
        Amelia’s face fell. After a few moments, she asked in a small voice: "Do you really think Mr. Urlich can beat those Rratsnek lawyers?"
        Jessica looked away and didn’t reply.
        "I’m going to Rratsnek, then!" Amelia declared. "Miss Lina needs me!"
        "Zelgadis needs you, too, Amelia," Jessica reminded her gently. "He’s counting on us."
        Amelia’s stubborn voice came from the depths of the closet. "Ok, you stay here and study the tomb, and I’ll go help Miss Lina. You know more about this stuff than I do, anyway."
        "But you’re the only one who’s had visions because of those paintings," Jessica reminded her. "I think your visions contain important clues."
        The Princess emerged from the closet wearing her usual travelling clothes and glared at Jessica with her hands on her hips. "I think your ancient knowledge is better than my visions."
        Jessica sighed. "I don’t think you can help her, Amelia."
        Amelia looked away. "You don’t understand," she told the kitsune quietly. "She’s my best friend. I have to help her."
        "But what about Zelgadis? Do you think he’d want you to give up on his cure?"
        "I’m not giving up on it!" Amelia shot back heatedly. "You’ll still be here to study the paintings! I’m sure Zel would want me to help Lina!"
        "He’s not."
        Amelia bit her lip. She knew Zelgadis too well to believe that…then again, he had changed, hadn’t he? No! She refused to believe he’d abandon Lina to those ferocious lawyers! "I’m sure he’ll be there. He just told Urlich he wouldn’t go. He does that all the time, telling us he won’t do something, then doing it anyway. I’ll bet Zelgadis will be there for the trial! He’ll get Miss Lina out of this—him and Mr. Gourry and me! Just like always!" She was crying now but too stubborn to wipe the tears away. "So take me to her right now, Miss Jessica! ‘Cause I’ll go, anyway!"
        The ancient kitsune heaved a heavy sigh and shook her head. "Very well. I can’t force you to stay. Tell your father where you’re going, then I’ll take you to Rratsnek."
        Amelia flew into her arms and wrapped her in a tight, exuberant hug. "Thank you, Queen Jessica! Thank you!"

        Later, in the room shared by Gourry, Naga and now Urlich and Lita…
        "I’m here to help you save Miss Lina from these greedy mockers of Justice!"
        "No…no, no, no!" Urlich rubbed his temples. "I can’t believe you brought her here, Jessica! What were you thinking?!"
        "Miss Lina is my best friend!" Amelia snarled in Urlich’s face. "And even you can’t stop me from helping her! I’m the Crown Princess of the most Just city in the land, Mr. Urlich! Only my daddy understands the law better than I do, so I’m here to help you!"
        "I don’t need your ‘help’," Urlich growled back through his teeth. "Jessica, take Her Highness back to Seyruun."
        "She’ll just come back," Jessica sighed.
        "And hopefully the trial will be over by then—"
        "And Miss Lina will be hanged!" Amelia cried. "Mr. Urlich, I won’t go away! We will defend Miss Lina together! The team of Metallium and de Seyruun will beat whatever these Rratsnek rats can throw at us!"
        "Ugh," Urlich grimaced. "You may act as my paralegal, and nothing more."
        Amelia frowned menacingly. Or at least as menacingly as a girl who looked like a cute, little doll could. "Ok, but I’ll also help you put together the case."
        "No speaking up in court, though," Urlich told her with a finger jabbed in her face. "You try to make motions, or anything, and I’ll have you ejected. Got it?"
        Amelia seethed, Urlich growled. Finally, the Princess agreed to his terms. "But you’ll let me help build the case, right?"
        "Yeah, sure," Urlich assured her with a casual wave of his hand. "When was the last time you worked on an actual criminal case?"
        "Um…" the Princess blushed and shuffled her feet. "Well, actually, I just sort of, um…"
        "Declare people enemies of Justice, make a speech at them, then fry them?" Url finished for her. He looked to Gourry for confirmation.
        The swordsman nodded and rolled his eyes. "That sounds about right."
        Urlich shook his head. "That won’t work here, Princess."
        "I know that!"
        "So maybe you should just stay out of—"
        "NO!" Amelia cried. "You said I could help you, Mr. Urlich! Miss Lina’s my—"
        Urlich waved a hand to cut her off. "Yeah, yeah. Your best friend. Fine. But don’t get in my way and keep your big, speech-making mouth shut!"
        Amelia bowed her head and mumbled: "Yes, Mr. Urlich."
        "What about us?" Gourry asked cautiously. "What do you want us to do?"
        Urlich frowned in thought. "Stay out of the way for now. If I need you to do something, I’ll tell you. For now, I need to put together a motion to get this trial moved to a new date and a new venue. I’m not holding my breath, though."

Chapter 26