Lina Inverse as Dorothy

Gourry Gabriev as The Scarecrow

Zelgadis Greywers as The Tin (stone?) Man

Pheria as The Cowardly (?!) Lion(ess)

Amelia Wil Tesla de Seyruun as Toto

Xellos as The Wizard of Oz

Naga as The Wicked Witch of the West

Title art by Angie

Toto: Flying monkeys?! I hate flying monkeys!

Dorothy: Oh, grow a backbone, Toto! FIREBALL!

Scarecrow: Cool!

Tin Man:      Parlor trick.

Lioness:     Scary! YEEEK!

Dorothy:     Is there a backbone shop around here?

And so, our heroes continue on their way, following the yellow brick road, per instruction of Glenda the Good Witch, who also warned Dorothy to keep her #$%@ hands off of the "yellow bricks" of the road, or she’d never get back to Kansas alive! Poor Dorothy can only walk over all that gold while trying to figure out a way to eliminate Bubble Girl, so she can steal some of it. Worse, she’s saddled with a brainless twit of a scarecrow (though he is rather cute), a tin man with a crappy attitude and a Lioness who’s not only scared of absolutely everything, she sometimes sprouts a dragon tail with a silly pink bow tied to it! And then there’s that mace she wears strapped to her leg…As if a coward like the lioness would ever have the nerve to actually use it! Oh, yeah, and Toto. A whiny terrier with an overblown sense of justice and no coordination whatsoever, who has a whomping big crush on the disgusted tin man. Having no heart (by his own admission), the tin man only notices Toto when she makes it impossible for him to do otherwise. Like now, for instance.

Toto:    Oh, Tin Man, I know these trials will only strengthen our love—

Tin Man:   What love?

Toto: --and bind us closer together—

Tin Man:    Let go of me.

Toto: --in the deepest affection and passion—

Tin Man:    Dorothy, get your dog off of me!

Toto: --forever and ever, passionate and—

Tin Man:    Dorothy, your dog is humping my leg.

Toto: --OH, TIN MAN! YOU’RE SO…SO…

Dorothy:   Knock it off, Toto, you’ll get tetanus.

Toto: HARD AND—

Tin Man:    I just got these pants back from the dry cleaners, Mutt!

Dorothy:    Toto, back off, or no Toto Snacks for you.

Toto: --OH MY G—OUCH! Yelp! Yelp! Yelp!

Dorothy:     That’ll teach you!

Toto:  Grrrrr….CHOMP!

Dorothy:        OW! SHIT! That’s it, you are one dead dog, Toto—hey! Come back here you little furball! Oh, fine.                          Just run off, into the HAUNTED forest, with all those FLYING MONKEYS in it! See if I care!

Tin Man:      I don’t.

Scarecrow: Me neither.

Lioness:      Did you say "haunted"?

Toto: You’re a real bitch, Dorothy. I hate you.

Dorothy:     Whatever.

Toto:       And how come I have to be Toto, anyway?

Tin Man:        Poetic justice?

Scarecrow: You have a voice only dogs can hear?

Lioness:        At least you don’t have to play a character that’s just the opposite of your true nature! A coward?!                           Me?! Hmph!

Naga: (voice from nowhere) Oh, poor baby! I have to wear green make-up and a full-length gown that covers                  all of my gorgeous figure! And let’s not talk about this silly hat!

Xellos: (another voice from nowhere) You’re breaking my heart. I have to play a GOOD GUY!

Dorothy:          It’s your big chance to stretch as an actor, ok?

Xellos:         Har-dee-har-har.

Dorothy: At least you don’t have to wear gingham! And Mary Janes! Yuck!

Toto: But I have to be a DOG!

All:        YOU ALREADY WERE A DOG!

Toto: *sniffle*

Dorothy: Oh no…

Toto: *snort-sniffle*

Tin Man:      Not again!

Toto: BAWL!

Scarecrow: Gee, where are flying monkeys when you need ‘em?

Dorothy:       *ahem* Somewhere…over the rain—

All:         DON’T SING! PLEASE! ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Toto: BAWL!

Dorothy:       --BOW…WAY UP HIGH! THERE’S A LAND THAT I—

Scarecrow: CUE THE FLYING MONKEYS! PLEASE!

Dorothy: --HEARD OF ONCE IN A LULLABY!

Toto: BAWL! *snifffffff* BAWL!

Tin Man:       I quit.

Scarecrow:         Me, too.

Lioness:       Wait for me!

The End